The Land Shall Not Be Barren

     The marriage was grand in every ramification. The families left nothing to chance. It was the perfect fairy tale wedding. The parents of the couple seemed even more compatible than the bride and groom themselves. The chemistry was impeccable. His mum and her mum went shopping together for the aso-ebi and souvenirs and each could almost second guess the other's choices. Their fathers became golf buddies and hung out regularly for drinks. That was 5years ago.

     Now, they are like allergic children and pollen or fur. They cannot even sit in the same room. 

     She had been in their son's house for five 'long' years and the land had remained barren. No plants have sprouted in their son's farmland despite the seeming abundance of seed. They will have nothing more to do with her. They are rolling out the full weight of their arsenal. Her time was up in their books. They had given her enough leeway. Childlessness was alien to their lineage and they were not about to allow their son to be the first.

     Many Nigerian couples in Nigeria today have similar tales. Rosy starts slowly fizzle out into nightmares when the months pass and the periods knock every month. The impact Primary Infertility has on a couple is hard to express in the most verbose article. It is simply hell on earth. Emotionally, socially, financially, spiritually, physically and mentally, it is grueling . Traditionally, the harder hit member of the subfertile couple is the woman. In Africa, the woman is the perceived custodian of  fecundity. We make them feel like they possess both male and female gonads like holding the yam and the knife so why are there no sliced yams.

     Personally and professionally, I have interacted with couples with infertility. It is one of the most disastrous things that can happen to any couple. Besides the lurking vulturous in-laws, the woman also has to contend with a frail and failing companionship especially when the marriage is one based on aesthetics and not a sound passion for a lasting union with one's best-friend. It takes a very mature, understanding and God-fearing man, not necessarily educated, to support his wife through the ordeal of subfertility. 

     Scientifically, the woman is not solely responsible for subfertility. It is interesting to note that 40% of the time, she is while another 40% of the time, her husband is responsible. In the remaining 20%, a cause cannot be deciphered. What this means is that the man is just as culpable as the woman, even though the African culture exculpates him most of the time. In Africa, it is 105% the woman's fault usually. As far as Africans are concerned, there's no paucity of seed, thus the farmland must be lacking the nourishment required to support sprouting. We need to cut them some slack. There's no justification for stigmatizing and even ostracizing them like they were some lepers. What we should do is to encourage many more men to get over their egos and submit themselves to the medical tests required for the elucidation of the etiology of the subfertility.

     I also wish to implore couples to disclose fully their past medical and surgical histories prior to marriage. Yes, what is past is past. But you are cleaving to another human being, he or she has the right to know what is being cleaved to. I think it is incredibly unfair to fail to disclose some salient aspects of your past medical history to your intending spouse. If you have had septic terminations of pregnancies as a teenager, let him know. If you've had genital infections that significantly affected your reproductive health in the past, disclose fully. Do not give half-truths in the bid to keep the relationship. Karma is a bitch and it gatecrashes a lot! A relationship built on half-truths will eventually crumble on those same half-truths. 

     I know a wealthy, young and beautiful couple affected by subfertility. They've been everywhere both locally and internationally in search of help but so far, nothing has worked. They can afford ANY manner of treatment and will break the bank to bankroll any treatment with the slightest inkling of promise. Their net worth in Naira is in the region of at least eight zeros, if not nine. Ironically, I also know a lady separated from her no-good spouse with seven offspring. She hardly makes fifty thousand naira monthly at her place of work.

     The race is neither for swift nor the battle for the strong. If you did not believe that before, believe it now.

     Now there's reproductive technology so maybe there's hope in sight. Someday, the regular civil servant would be able to afford a cycle of IVF or ICSI. Then again, some folks argue that what the poor lost in material wealth, they gained in fecundity. Many feel the poor folks in Nigeria are particularly fertile and attribute this to different reasons. Some say, since there's usually no light at home to even watch television and the man is usually at home since he does not have a job or business meetings in Abuja or Geneva every other week (when the woman is probably ovulating) chances for conception are higher. They say copulation, by default, becomes his favorite and cheapest pastime. No be me talk am o!


God's planned for us to 'go forth into the world and multiply'. His thoughts and plans for us are of good and not of evil. Sarah's womb was dead when she conceived Issac. Medically, menopause had set in around the age of 50years, she had passed child-bearing age. She was 9oyears old! Even Hannah had her womb closed by God for a purpose! But she had Samuel at the set time. Somethings are just beyond our comprehension. It is totally appropriate to seek medical help but at the same time, don't ever lose sight of God's role in the whole process. He blesses whom he chooses and curses whom he chooses. Except the Lord builds a house, the laborer (fertility doctor) labors in vain. 

     To as many women who are in the social and emotion pain of subfertility, God is not asleep. At the set time, Heaven will open its window on your behalf. For now, be steadfast and fastidious in your supplications to God. Adopt a child if you can, it is said that adoption has a way of speeding up the process, not medically, of course. Again, unfortunately, this is a practice alien to our African culture.


Your land shall NOT be barren...