From London With Love

The London Games have come and gone. The fanfare was certainly worth the hype. The sights and sounds of London fascinated the viewers as much as they did the participating athletes.

So extreme was the fascination that some athletes were divinely directed to abscond and remain on this greener pasture. They had gone beyond seeking greener pasture, the Good Lord had answered their prayers by enabling them qualify for the respective sports at the Games and they had been given visas to enter London. The next thing was 'how e go better?'

I was thoroughly amused when I read the story of the 3 Sudanese, 4 Congolese and the 7 Cameroonians. Suffer na very bad thing. They saw a golden opportunity and they took it.


Already one of the Sudanese has filed for asylum in London. They are expecting the two others to do same. More hilarious is the story of the Congolese Judo athlete who in his first and only match was defeated in 49seconds. He didn't even bother himself. When he said his goodbyes to his family in Brazzaville, they (and him) knew he was not going to London in search of any bloody medals. The young man just needed 'fresh air'. 

Interestingly but not surprisingly, Cameroon had the most number of absconders. Look at the Atlas, they share a border with a certain 'Giant of Africa'. They were probably neighbors to the people of Bakassi and they had seen suffering in its finest flowing regalia. Again, you must be amused by the fact that the first person to take off was the female football team reserve goalie. She too must have known she was not likely to get any action at the Games as long as the first choice goalie was fit. She just needed that passport stamped. And she got it. Those who say women are the weaker of the two sexes are mistaken. It might interest them to note that Miss Ngako was the trailblazer for the other male athletes. It was after she took to her heels that her male counterparts 'soji' themselves and also moved.

Who can blame these ones? They have heard of Mo Farah, Francis Obikwelu, Soji Fasuba, Philips Idowu and Christine Ijeoma Ohuruogu. They have seen how changing nationality can, not only improve medal-winning chances, but also significantly improve life expectancy and of course skin suppleness. They simply did what I would have done. They ran for it. 

Amazing isn't it? That in the days of 'Roots' they virtually forced Kunta Kinte to move to a foreign country. That was in the seventies. This 2012, I urge and dare Kunta Kinte's abductors to show up at Makoko or Alakuko area of Lagos with a ship to take away more young black slaves. They will be shocked! I'll allow you use your imagination as to how that will turn out.

I was actually impressed by Team Nigeria. We managed to remain in the Olympic Village. There was no news of any Nigerian athlete absconding. That's admirable. I know many Nigerians who would kill for such a chance to have their passports stamped. I even know a certain Doctor, give him such a chance and not only will he abscond, he'll do so with some pilfered Olympic Gold Medals. He'll have them melted and sent to his cousins in Lagos for prompt sale as neck chains on Facebook for his wads of Naira.

We must not forget however that a considerable number of athletes who competed for Nigeria are not primarily based here in the country. It is then understandable that they were not so eager to take off. Even the few of them who manage to reside -albeit partly-  here are children of serving Senators. I no call person name o! One of the D'Tigers has already vehemently refuted being a Nigerian. He said he had never even been to Nigeria before. I suspect he only decided to take up our colors after a lot of persuasion by his folks and probably in view of the stiff nature of the competition for the American basketball jersey.

Even if we didn't win any medals, we at least left with our shoulders high. We left the Olympic Village intact. What happens between the ride from the Olympic village to Gatwick is another story. Knowing my people, it is never too late. That they sagely decided not to take off from the Olympics Village is by no means an assurance that there's still no possibility of absconding. We no dey carry last.

I wish the 'sharp' athletes the very best. Britain insists they can stay till November. That's an extra sixty days at least. That's enough time to meet, court and marry a British citizen. They'll even conceive their first child before then if its the same Bakassi boys that I know.

No time o!




In other news...

Rio beckons and my amiable President has declared that he expects us to win 5 Gold medals. We certainly can. The IOC must include the following events in the Games before 2016;
1) Gross Corruption and Embezzlement (100m dash and 4x100 relay) - Male and Female
2) Dressing up in a pitch black room without power - Male and Female
3) Driving cars through gullies on the tracks at high speed - Male and Female
4) Setting P - Male and Female
5) Drinking Shine-Shine Bobo - Male 

I have my nominees for the first sport. The team will be star-studded and for our sake, the IOC would need to introduce a fourth medal. Maybe Platinum.

Goodluck to us.