Spouses And Timepieces

     This is a non-fictional tale of a boy and a girl. It would have been the 'perfect' love story but for providence. Here was a guy madly in love -or so he thought at the time- with this girl. He was selfless with her. She had no job at the time while he worked in a small firm and earned enough to get by. He was not rich but he was also not indigent. He never looked down on her and believed she was going to have her break career-wise at some point. He was supportive and tried his best to be her best-friend. In the months they were together, not once did he ask for her sex. He simply wanted her to love him as much as he did her. He remained faithful to her, not for paucity of offers from prospective 'runz' but for his delusion that love was meant to be pure and perfect. Foolish boy.

     He got an sms one evening. It was from his 'boo'. She hinted that she didn't think they had chemistry. When he prodded further, she claimed her assertion was based on the fact that she had a problem with his 'dressing'. She was done with him. He could take his love and shove it where the sun only shines at midnight. She wanted a 'fashionista', not some love-struck hopelessly faithful young man, She wanted the glitz, the lights and the red carpets. She wanted Bella Naija and Linda Ikeji features. She wanted a show-stopper! He admitted that she once told him she wanted a boyfriend who while waiting for her at the mall would make girls turn and wonder who he was and who he was waiting for. I was astounded at his revelations.

     One of my all-time classics in terms of movies has to be Matthew McConaughey's 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past'. At some point in the flick, he said and I quote 'The power of a relationship lies with who cares less'. This young man's case is a classical analogy of this line.

     So the question is, how do you pick a spouse? What do you look out for? What are deal-breakers?

     I'm a terrible sucker for timepieces. Nothing catches my fancy more than Swiss made upscale luxury wristwatches. I can spend hours just looking at the finest pieces, even though I usually can't afford most of them. How do you pick a watch? You want one that catches the attention of folks. You want one that symbolizes class and elegance. You want one people see and say 'Wow, nice watch!'.

     Do we then choose our spouses like we choose our wristwatches? Can we pick them based on how fly they look or what vibe people will have about them? Is it about public perception of the aesthetics of the person? Do we pick spouses based on how they dress or what their ideologies about life are?

     Your spouse is not and will never be an accessory. Your spouse is not a piece of jewelry. You don't pick them up and toss them when you are tired and you certainly should not pick them the way you pick watches. 

     Every fashion season, watch makers display new collection of their products. There's always a newer and finer edition of that Seiko or Rolex. Just wait. You can be assured that there'll be new technology and you'll see an edition that makes the one you currently wear feel antiquated. What this means is that you'll meet much prettier and more handsome people in the course of your life. You think she has the biggest pectus ever? Just wait. Or you think he wears the nicest clothes or drives the most expensive cars? Calm down. You go see tire!

     Do you hop on to the 'next best thing' once it runs into your visual field? I can assure you there are and there will be seemingly more classy folks. Yes nobody wants to be with someone you are not attracted to but the question is, what exactly attracts you? Clothes? Cars? Skin colour? Surnames?

    My generation scares me. The things I see and hear make me shudder. Girls say money is not everything but it is better to be unhappy inside a Mercedes than a bicycle. They have already resigned themselves to the unhappiness. They just hope its in a Mercedes. Amazing isn't it?

     By all means, don't settle for less! If your husband must wear Hermes leather accessories or Patek timepieces before you marry him, kindly go ahead. If she must wear a DDD cup size before she can be a candidate for your Mrs, please...shoot! But remember, nothing lasts for ever and one day all those things would not be enough to keep you in that relationship. Why not search the person's 'person'. Why not go beyond what you can see and dig deeper into who he or she really is. Why not ask pertinent questions to decipher his or her character and principles. What does he stand for? Who are his friends? What does she do on Friday nights and Sunday mornings? What does she do when nobody's looking. What does the name 'Jesus' mean to that fellow? 

     One of the things that perplex me today is the failure rate of marriages in my generation. The etiology is multi-faceted but I believe strongly that the erosion of values in my generation has played a significant role in this trend. We choose wrongly and end up whining when the wool over our eyes are drawn away by the harsh realities of marriage. The 'swag' burns out and we wake up to a stranger every morning. It gets better. You swore before God to remain  with that stranger till you die. Clap for yourself!

Divorce rates will continue to soar as long as we choose spouses for aesthetic reasons.

They are human beings with souls...not inanimate timepieces.