All Things Bright & Beautiful

'Women are made to be loved, not understood' said a wise man called Oscar Wilde.

Those of you who assume marriage is for the weak and frail minded, you better think again. Many men have trod the path and failed profoundly. Let's not even talk about the 'boys'.

I've never been married so my knowledge about the subject is limited. I have however read and heard of the stories of some other men who have had the privilege of being married at some point in their lives. I pray everyday that my first marriage would be my last. It sounds like a cliche, I know, but it's a very salient prayer.

There are two men whose lives and failed marriages exemplify the complexity of the institution called Marriage.

President Nelson Mandela. He's probably the greatest African leader ever. He fought and almost died to see South Africa get to where they are today. In 40years, it is reported he won 250 awards as a statesman. In 1993, three years after his release from incarceration, he was awarded the Nobel Price for Peace. He was that peaceful a man. 


But behold, marriage requires more than being a peaceful man. This same legend of a human being has divorced two wives. First was Evelyn, to whom he was married to for thirteen years. She thought he was too politically agitated and he was never around due to his revolutionary lifestyle. She was also a Jehovah's witness and how this became a deal-breaker 13years after living together still baffles me. The second sojourn into marriage for Mandela was with Winnie, the more popular of the two wives. Nelson Mandela went to prison for 27years and was constantly subjected to hard labor. He slept in an isolated cell on Robben Island for 18years and the man survived. Amazingly, this same man fled from his marriage just 2years after his release. By 1996, he had divorced Winnie.

Its not by being peaceful o! Mandela must have been a selfless man too. Going through all he did for the sake on his nation was certainly remarkable. Can we say he was not selfless in his marriage to Winnie and Evelyn?

Early this month, we heard news that Stevie Wonder had filed for divorce from his spouse of 11years. For those who do not know, Mr Stevie Wonder lost his sight shortly after birth. Mr Stevie Wonder cannot see! Mr Stevie Wonder is blind. Yet the man cites 'irreconcilable differences' as the reason why he must be freed from this union.

Behold, marriage does not need visual acuity (or the lack of it). This man could not see yet they had differences. I can't even understand how that works. How does a visually impaired man 'see' irreconcilable differences? He probably doesn't even know if she's fair or dark. He probably does not know what her parents or friends look like. He can't tell if she's spending his money prodigally. Then, he has to be extra-sharp to even cheat on her. He must have really sound and discreet buddies and 'pimps' to be able to pull off setting P as a blind man. 

Even blindness does not guarantee a happy home. And take note that it was a blind wealthy home. You will still 'see' somethings. Besides, there's a popular pidgin saying that 'them no dey tell blind man say rain dey fall...if the rain no beat am, he go hear the thunder'.

One of my all time Hollywood classics has to be 'What women want' starring Helen Hunt and Mel Gibson. It typified Oscar Wilde's submission that understanding women might not just be arduous but it could prematurely terminate a man's life. Just love them. Don't ask. Just love.

Marriage is not defined by 'all things bright and beautiful'. There will surely be dark and ugly days. Getting past those days takes more than being peaceful or being physically empowered. Getting past those days takes spiritual warfare. Warfare in the mind of each member of the couple. Warfare to resolve to make it work. It may be harder than prison and hard labor (ask Mandela) but it is possible.

You don't wish away those dark days. You take the hand of your spouse and decide if you are willing to face those gloomy days head-on.

To all my buddies saying 'I Do' in the coming months (September and October), not only are you wished 'All things bright and beautiful' but you are also wished the maturity of mind, strength of purpose and resolve to pull through those stormy days.