Girls Are Not Smiling

Just yesterday, I opined that my generation made me shudder. I penciled my weariness at the kind of things I see and hear in my generation and a few hours later, I stumbled on a video that not only made me laugh so hard that I cried but also made me pity this generation. Below is a link to the video. I strongly recommend you finish watching the video before you proceed just so the article makes more sense to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw3uAqT2iQE&feature=share

If this video didn't shock you then you must have been around for a while and you have seen many things. I was bewildered!

Interestingly, of the fifteen or so ladies interviewed, only 3 thought it appropriate to have just one boyfriend. While I totally appreciate it may be unfair to draw conclusions about the general female population from these fifteen girls, I must say it is not totally deviant from the true reflection of the goings at the moment.

I noticed with dread how many of the ladies called the boyfriends 'this one'. Apparently, this one is now the term of choice for magas. 'This one is for my bills'. 'This one is for my time in school'. 'This one is for my BIS'. Dear young man, are you another 'This one'? You better ask yourself sincerely.

Another amazing thing was the way one of the girls said 'I have boyfriendS I'm in LOVE with'. She must have a big heart. It can't be easy to be in love with so many people? Or could it? What exactly does this now banal term called love mean? The scary thing is that she probably tells each of them 'Baby, I love you' every other day. The Bible rightly says the hearts of (wo)men are desperately wicked. If this isn't desperate wickedness....I don't know what is. The next girl took it a step further. She said 'there's this one I really love so much'. Nna, na wah o! Are these girls for real? I can't stop laughing! God has seen and is still seeing things!

Now, how do we classify boyfriends? These ladies have proposed an apt nomenclature for us to work with.

• 'Personal Boyfriends' - These ones are the ones who are likely to consummate the relationship at the altar in front of God and in the presence of witnesses. Note that this is not a sole management position. The number of personal boyfriends can be any integer between 1 and x (x = infinity). May the best man, like Beyonce said, put a ring on it.
• 'Wassup Boyfriends' - These ones are not 'loved' as much as the former. They are the 'no-dulling' fellows. They 'control' you when they need a good time. Unfortunately, the guy has not heard his calling to open an entertainment company. He's still doing 'wassup guy' for UNILAG babes.
• 'Bills or Sugar Daddies' - alias Aristos. They don't need any introduction. They are the money bags, married or otherwise, who help the wretchedly indigent personal boyfriends keep their girlfriends happy.
• 'Class Boyfriends' - These ones can also double as wassup boyfriends if they are street-wise. They are the girls' tickets to good degrees. They have 'something upstairs' so at least school work does not suffer.

The question now is for the virile young and old men in Nigeria. Which of the classes do you belong?

I particularly had some high points in the flick. Allow me intimate you on some of them.

The lady who brazenly admitted having two boyfriends based on her location amused me. She says 'two different places...two different people...one for school and one at home'. I figure it is safe to assume men are now backpacks or nightgowns. You have one for anywhere you find yourself. Sort of what Etisalat calls Home-Zone or what MTN calls Cell Broadcast.

The other has to be the lady who says even systems have 'back-up'. This is the reason for the two young men who buffer the Sugar Daddy or is it the Sugar Daddy that's the buffer? I'm even confused myself! All I'm sure of however, is that to her, men are like external flash drives. Capacities range between 1Gigabyte and 1Terabyte, depending on the heftiness of the bank account.

Also the modes of saving the contact numbers on their phones intrigue me. How do you save the name of somebody's son as 'No Dulling' or 'Bills'? In most cases, this can even be someone's father! Interesting concept. So young men, when you scroll through the phones and see names such as 'Club', 'BIS', 'School fees', 'GTB'...e don be!

The babes also showed they are fantastic HR personnel. They know how to 'manage' people. They are proud manipulators. Notice how they admitted it was no big deal? They claim they just tell 'smart lies' and they are good to go. Men...power, pass power!

Finally, the last lady sent me tumbling to the ground with laughter. She's a virtuous one but she's also an incredible scientist. Her submission is that when a lady sleeps around, 'different spermatozoa' enter into her body thus she adds weight uncontrollably. The different spermatozoa part almost drove me mad! I doubt I've heard anything funnier this century.

These girls are Nigerians. These are people's beloved children and lovers. They did not drop from the sky and beyond the intensely hilarious rejoinders they gave, they also highlight the moral aridity in my generation in today's Nigeria.

God must help us...