Take A Bow...Or Not!

My favorite word this year has to be 'anyhowness' coined by Professor Pius Adesanmi. For those who have not been fortunate enough to read any of the Canadian-Nigerian Professor's articles, I commiserate sincerely with you. The man's mind is nothing short of brilliant and one day, I hope I am able to write that well. I do agree that occasionally, it is quite difficult to find words to describe the absurdities Nigeria and Nigerians present so neologism isn't entirely out of place. According to him, nothing typifies brazen moral bankruptcy like the Nigerian state and it is a reputation we have now become renowned for globally. We just do things anyhow.

I was saddened today when I read about Senator Musuliu Obanikoro's confirmation as a Honorable Minister by the Nigerian Parliament. It wasn't just his questionable character, especially with the Ekiti rigging allegation, that made me pained by today's legislative accident. Where in the world are things done the way we do them in Nigeria I wondered. How does a man show up for screening for a job and we simply ask him to 'take a bow' and walk away and declare him fit to hold a portfolio overseeing national matters? Have you ever gone for a job interview in any company where they simply asked you to take a bow and walk away? Except you're Professor Wole Soyinka and the advertised vacancy is one of an Editor at a publishing firm then I simply can't proffer any explanation for such meaninglessness. 

Fundamentally, I think it is faulty reasoning to send generic ministerial nominees for screening in the first place. For every nominee, send the prospective portfolio he or she will be handling with a detailed job description. This allows the National Assembly undertake a focused and constructive interview of the individual. This way, you do not assign a farmer to a Ministry of Health and a plumber to the Ministry of Defence. How do you assign portfolios after the individual has been screened? What was he interviewed for exactly? It just does not make any sense. So, you go for an interview first before you know what post you even applied for in the first place. Anyhowness.

Some weeks ago, I stumbled on the British MPs questioning the Prime Minister in Parliament. I shuddered! It made me wonder who we offended in Nigeria and what we did to deserve the bunch that call themselves Senators and House of Representatives in Abuja. Ta lo n se wa? (Who is 'doing' us?) I saw MPs who KNEW their constituencies. MPs who questioned David Cameron about grassroots issues concerning ordinary citizens miles away from the capital. They were calling names of small families in the towns and counties! I was reminded of the importance of paying attention to those who take up legislative roles in Nigeria. We focus too much on the Executive and I think this has allowed many imbeciles slip through the net to become 'Honorables'. While the Executive deserve all the heat they get, Nigerians must hold legislators equally accountable. What are the constituency allowances used for? Do you even know the person who 'represents' you?

I was driving through Isolo some weeks ago and I saw an APC election poster that made me smile. It had the face of a young man I met some years ago and he was running for legislative office. His only 'experience' is that his father is a stalwart of the party in Lagos State. Nothing else. Anyhowness. 

At every level, we need to apply some common sense. It is not good enough to ask prospective employees to simply take a bow and leave and give them appointments. Will we do the same as business owners and managers for our personal businesses? If not, why do we believe that is good enough for a business as big as governance? When you get it wrong at this level, how do you then reprimand a non-delivering Minister? What deliverables will be used in appraising these individuals? They are going to be making decisions that affect 170 million people. The least we can do is to at least ensure they are fit for the positions. But it is Mr President that sent them so they bow and go. Anyhowness.

I believe strongly that Mr President has not led by example. There's a popular saying that when fish rots, it starts from the head. Mr President must first shake off the cloak of anyhowness for others to follow. By merely and precociously dismissing the allegation against Senator Obanikoro in Ekiti, he belittled and insulted the intelligence of Nigerians. He spat in their open wounds and looked away when the rights of the people he was elected to lead were trampled on by reprobate elements. By refusing to as much as investigate the authenticity of the tape and then nominating a principal actor in the saga for such a sensitive position, he reminded Nigerians that his 'I don't give a damn' stand has not changed. Those that think people attack Mr President unduly need to appreciate that the continued anyhowness cannot be justified and accepted. At some point, the cup will fill up and overflow.

I know it didn't start under Mr President. That does not however mean it should continue under him. That again is faulty reasoning. That will not solve any of the myriad ailments inflicting Nigeria. Mr President must begin to seek out the best brains to head his Ministries. Round pegs in round holes Sir. Insist that the Senate scrutinize your appointees thoroughly till they are certain they can deliver on the roles they have been nominated for. Curb the anyhowess by first nominating individuals based on merit, track record and technical expertise on the subject and not as compensation for losing party gubernatorial primaries. Ask each nominee to submit a well detailed compendium of the current problems faced by the sector he/she would be working in and an even more extensive road map of how they intend to address these issues. Please and please, stop asking them to take bows and leave.

Imagine if the military recruited that way. No physical fitness tests. No criminal record checks. Just take a bow and you become an army officer.

Anyhowness.