Son, When It's Time To Marry...

'A man's first office is his bedroom. His wife is his first adviser. If she gives foolish counsel, he is finished' - Anonymous.

Hold that thought. I want to tell you a story of three women. Toss the quote around in your mind and take a few minutes to watch this, this and this. 

I recently had a son and sometimes I catch myself smiling when the thought of him 'toasting' girls comes to my mind. Yes, I know it's still many years from now but I like to imagine myself at his age as he attains developmental milestones. About two or three decades from now, if Christ tarries, he would introduce a young lady to me as the 'one'. Life.

I didn't get a lot of relationship advice from my father so I consider myself very lucky. Lucky because, if not for providence, I could have gotten it remarkably wrong but I still managed to strike gold. Eledumare, in His infinite wisdom and kindness, set me straight by first showing me that every coin has a head and a tail and you won't really appreciate 'heads' till you've tasted tails. Dear Son, this one is for you.

There are three women in the three videos above. Two First Ladies and an aspiring one. Three influential women, whether you agree or not. Obviously, for reasons beyond our control, there isn't any real basis of comparison between one and the other two besides the fact that they are all espoused to active politicians. Michelle Obama. Patience Jonathan. Aisha Buhari.

Again, there's a popular saying, that if you want to know the caliber of man, take a look at his wife. I like to modify that a bit by insisting you listen to his wife rather than just look because of the The Bible's warning in the book of Proverbs. 'Even a fool when he holdeth his peace is counted wise and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding'. Engage your wife by all means. Listen to her.

Mrs Obama towers above the other two women on the basis of diction and maybe over just one on the basis of looks. I found that I became teary at some point for no logical reason while I listened to Mrs Obama. Maybe because I saw many other people in the video crying or maybe because watching and listening to her made me realise just how far behind we are in my own country. She said 'Being President does not change a man, it reveals who you really are'. Oro nla!

This is President Obama's Chief-Adviser.

I don't like to discuss Mrs Jonathan. I believe Nigeria owes her an apology, after all, she is only a product of a decrepit system. Over time,our educational system has continued to rot away and now, we have a system where when you're even lucky enough to pass through school, school might refuse to pass through you. A cesspool of untrainable and unemployable school-leavers who have been failed by an even more fungating government. We have been unfair to Mrs Jonathan really.

While I believe Nigeria should take the blame for the quality of education she received and that which many kids in the country are currently receiving, the publicity she gives herself cannot be blamed on Nigeria. That is entirely her fault. The ridicule would probably not be as bad if she wasn't this garrulous. There is nothing wrong in avoiding public speaking. You are not obliged to address people at gatherings! If you believe it is insulting to visit and possibly enroll in finishing schools where etiquette and poise are learned then simply send a representative to stand in for you if you must deliver an address. The more scary thing is that she was a teacher for many years! Again, a symptom of a wasted educational sector.

The last woman isn't a fantastic public speaker also. Her diction isn't without its flaws but she appears calmer and better composed. She comes across like someone who can settle down to think and therefore more likely to give worthy counsel. Maybe she's not half the politician Mrs Jonathan is but you can tell she's more cultured and civil in her speech. Her brain still seems like it hasn't lost its connection to her mouth. It is my honest opinion that she's probably not cut out for stuff like this but was compelled to enter the fray after we started hassling her husband to prove he was married to a woman to disprove our suspicion that he was Lucifer. She seems like she would rather be in a kitchen somewhere preparing Tuwo Shinkafa.

Dear Son, your wife has the power to make or break you. Ask the greatest men alive and they would tell you the roles their wives played in their lives. Bill Clinton has Hilary. Bill Gates has Melinda. Your grandfather has your grandmother. Likewise, some who have fallen have their wives beside them. Laurent Gbagbo has Simone. Engage her by all means. Listen to her speak.

Hilary Clinton would probably be running for the highest office in America in 2016. I also think Michelle Obama has the swagger and carriage to one day lead her country. They have a lot of depth and are certainly more than just their looks. The question is, can Bill leave the Presidency to his wife to run? Does Mrs Obama have the 'feel' of a leader and can Barack, take a sabbatical leave with her at the wheels? I believe very strongly that the answer is yes. So Son, marry a woman who you can leave with your work and sleep calmly with your eyes closed. Marry a woman with couth who can represent you effortlessly in any gathering. After all, the two of you have become one. Abi no be so?

Son, imagine the nature of the conversations Barack has with Michelle and Bill with Hilary. Imagine the television shows they watch and the books they read. They obviously don't watch Patience Ozokwor hunting her daughter-in-law with juju while eating boiled corn and groundnut. They probably engage in remarkably intellectual discourse. You can only have that if your wife is at your level of intellect or even higher. Your wife must challenge you intellectually and professionally. That is the only way you will keep cerebrating and aiming to be the best version of yourself. Your wife must not be  only good for 'oya cook Afang and Periwinkle' or 'oya, lie down'. No! Never! 

Remember, this is the person who would probably have the strongest influence on your kids. Also note that there are unproven assertions that kids acquire 80% of their intelligence from their mothers and the rest from their fathers. While this has not been backed by scientific data, science however agrees that brainy sons owe their intelligence to their mothers. So, it is no longer for your sake now but for the sake of your children. Give them a chance. Engage her by all means. Listen to her speak!

Do not take it with levity. There are many things in life that money cannot correct. Once it goes awry, it has gone awry. Even with Nigeria's entire treasury at her disposal, Nigerians are still not spared the embarrassment that usually trail Mrs Jonathan's public outings. We can buy her the rarest diamonds and the most precious rubies but her tongue has 'formed' like concrete. It is akin to attempting to straighten dry and bent crayfish. We are only reaping what we had planted many years ago by our continued 'anyhowness'. 

A very good friend of mine insists President Jonathan can never convince him he is a good leader simply because of his prime follower and deputy. He believes a man who cannot call his wife to order cannot understand leadership. To him, something has gone wrong with the respect structure there and followers often refuse to be led by people who they do not respect. Some may argue this view is a tad misogynistic. Others, like me, may be inclined to agree given the unguarded and outrightly inelegant statements Mrs Jonathan has been credited with in the last few weeks.

So, how does your wife challenge you?

Chei!