So, You Are In Love?

     Has 'I love you' now become a cliche? 

     The Good Book is complete as we know, it is literal and except in passages where our Good Lord spoke in Parables, we can safely assume the rest parts are literal in their meanings and the message they were composed to deliver.


     Recently, following an article I wrote about marriage, two of my very learned colleagues rubbed minds on the issue and the recurring decimal in their tilt was the word 'Love'. 

     Many of us know the famous passage in the Bible that defines love in its entirety. The thirteenth chapter of the first letter of Paul to the Apostles in Corinth. Yes, that popular chapter read at weddings all across the world every week.


     'Love suffers long and is kind; Love does not envy; Love does not parade itself',it is not puffed up'. 


     We often hear of couples who today bicker over money. Women call radio shows to say 'He does not do anything around the house' and married men call to say 'She never has time, she's always at work'. Guess what, the Bible says long suffering is an element of love. We also hear women say they are having problems because they earn more than the husbands and thus control the finances on the home front. Men, being very egoistic, begin to see every altercation as a deliberate attempt by the woman to rub it in their faces. Love does not envy and is not puffed up i.e cocky.


     'Love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil'


     Interesting. Can you love someone who you address in a rude manner? When things are not going well financially, can the man come home to eat and he won't hear how he has failed career-wise thus does not deserve any food. When she has upset you pretty bad, can you address her without snapping when she asks for the silliest things. Many folks talk of issues like family planning and the man says he wants 3 kids and later the woman decides 'Look, I want 4'. The couple have money together and she wants to buy seeming frivolities. As the husband, will you 'seek your own' by authoritatively admonishing her silliness and as the wife, will you seek your own by insisting on being prodigal. When she's ovulating and hormonally imbalanced and is consequently ranting on flimsy issues, can a man just smile and say 'okay' and not tell her to 'SHUT UP, AHN AHN KI LO DE'?


     'Love does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth'


     Recently. a guy I know had serious friction with the person he says he loves. He told her the truth about her weight and she snapped. He's still confused as to the place of truth-telling in relationships. I don't know either so I've sagely committed him and his matter into the Hands of the Most High Jehovah. How do we react to the truth? Even in its crudest form? They say the truth hurts/stings. Can you hurt someone you love? Where then is the balance between speaking the truth and not hurting the second person.


     'Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things'


     Hmmmm. Dicey part. What is the extent of what a spouse should bear when in love? The Bible was simply absolute here. It says ALL things. Geez, that's deep. You mean to tell me, a spouse should bear a man's bad habits? He can chase all the small girls in the office because she is supposed to bear and endure all things? She can wear lewd blouses and skirts to outings or add weight like a pregnant hippopotamus and he'll have to bear it. After-all, that's what love does? And domestic battery? Should she endure that too? What is the extent of what a young Nigerian woman should bear and endure in a marriage? Remember the story of Mrs. Ogo Onuchukwu?


     'Love never fails'


     Love has failed once it falls short on every and any of the aforementioned qualities. So its a totality. It cannot exist without one quality. Just like every part of a hand is important and cannot be done away with. Its all or nothing. It is either you are in love or you are not. It is not seasonal. It is a way of life. It is life itself. Scary, innit?


     The argument I anticipate naturally, is that I took the qualities 'too literally'. This may infer that your spouse or partner isn't quite acing it as concerns any or all of the qualities of love and you want to justify this shortcoming by grammatically and spiritually faulting my point of view. I understand. I am not a pastor. I read a New Kings James version of the Bible written in English and my comprehension of the simple manner in which it was written is what I have simply opined.


     The truth is I'm yet to see love as exemplified by Christ. To suffer untold torture and give up one's life for another is the ultimate test of love. Love is selfless. You lose yourself totally and absolutely. It will never make sense to you literally. Love is blind! Though these days, my dear Nigerian sisters insist Love is not blind and that it in fact armed with bifocal glasses and binoculars. Forget all the 'baby, I love you and I'll die for you' or 'baby, if you leave me, I'll die'. Wash wash.

     The story of my friend amuses me till this day. He and the girl he claims he loves (and tells he loves) were driving around Surulere and suddenly gunshots rang out in the air. In a flash, my dear friend had disappeared from the wheels and left the damsel in distress. He reappeared after the chaos had subsided and she did not believe he just left her. When I asked him, he gave a classical response. 'Wole, if I stay and them shoot me and I die, she no go remarry?'


     Humans are wired to be self-preservative, that's why we have our fight and flight hormones. To love like our Christ is to lose our human form. Some say it is almost impracticable. Others say it will come naturally when you are 'born again'. Chris Okotie is born again and just last month annulled his second marriage and is scheduled for a third one in December. I also know many born-again Christians whose marriages have gone awry, yet they remain Deacons and 'professional' Christians.


     Love is different things to different people. To me, love is Jesus. I doubt I'll ever fully comprehend His act on that cross. Then again, maybe its not supposed to be comprehensible to the human mind.


     So, as D'Banj asked in the intro of the 2008 hit wedding song...'Are you in love?'




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