Real And Apparent Growth: The Nollywood Story

So, yesterday, while I had 'brunch' at my regular buka, I noticed all the women were staring at a screen with rapt attention. I turned to see what was on and unfortunately, it was a lame re-enactment of the story of King Nebuchadnezzar and Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. The scene I caught was the point of tossing the three men into the furnace and the appearance of the angel making them four in the fire. The appropriate representation of a simple fire seemed like an arduous task for the film producers.


Nollywood is currently the second largest film industry in the world. Its unprecedented growth in the last decade has left even the world renowned Hollywood gasping for breath.  A whooping 200 home video movies are churned out every month in Nigeria making us second only to India's Bollywood. Like our fertility in the bedroom, Nigeria's movie production is  evolving at an unbridled pace. 


Growth can sometimes be retrograde and we must reassess the indices with which we define our movie industry growth. Just like their colleagues in the music industry, actors and actresses in Nigeria now are having a filled time. Unlike the days of Hubert Ogunde and Ola Balogun, movie producers now have money to spend and technology to work with. More importantly, they have an astonishingly large viewership. Africa Magic is the channel of choice in most Nigerian homes. Such was the success of the industry that not only did DSTV sagely introduce less expensive subscription plans they also developed the channel in different languages to capture as many homes as possible. For as low as N2,500, you can watch Africa Magic, A.M Plus, A.M Yoruba, A.M Swahili and A.M Hausa. Impressive!


When I flip through channels on television and I see movie titles like 'Hypertension', 'Diabetes', 'Love'. 'Dangerous Love', 'Deadly Love', 'Is this Love?' and such absurd titles, I understand why we produce 200 movies monthly. We've probably exhausted all the sensible titles. Our movie producers and artistes need to make good money so its now about turn-over. Quantity, not quality. Who cares if the movie makes any sense? So long as lonely housewives and a few retarded young people are sworn disciples of 'home video'.


Apart from the amazing subtitles in the Yoruba movies, the fact that a movie's not complete till a voodoo man is involved also intrigues me. There's always one 'Baba' with red cloth. There's always a wicked mother-in-law who has tied her daughter-in-law's fallopian tubes or there's always a young man who used his first wife for money rituals and eventually runs mad at the end.


Yes, the madness. What is it with Nigerian movies and madness? And interestingly, there's only one form of psychiatric illness in Nigeria as depicted in our movies, it is frank psychosis. If the mad man or woman has not barked like a dog or jumped up several times while attempting to strip himself of his clothing then the madness has not started. If only these producers knew how many psychiatric patients parade offices and roads in Lagos with no sign of the illness. 


Another thing that gets to me is the monotonous roles played by certain , if not most, of my Nigerian artistes. Pete Edochie and Alex Usifo are almost always wicked Chiefs or Igbo traditional rulers. Patience Ozokwor is almost always a wicked mother-in-law. Ramsey Nouah is almost always a lover-boy who is in love with the only lady he is forbidden from being with or a Crown Prince who wants to marry a commoner from the neighboring warring village. Apart from Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger, both of whom we know do not have the I.Q to take on more intelligent roles, every other American artiste is versatile.


In my opinion, what we have in our industry is apparent growth. There are only a hand-full of quality productions. Even if the production is dusky, the script should be sound so as to pass a message. Worthy of note are the works from the Mainframe production company. They have sound and intelligent scripts and this is I believe should be emulated by all other producers and script-writers.


But again, they are now the hallmark of Nigerian entertainment. I am only worried for the kids who would grow up watching such handicapped productions. I often ask myself how these home videos stimulate viewers mentally. It certainly does not brush up on anybody's I.Q, at best, it lessens it.


Explain to me please, how a movie is titled 'Lady Gaga' or 'Beyonce and Rihanna'. The more amazing thing is that the actresses will try to imitate these people in the roles. Is the film about the life and times of Lady Gaga? If it is not, then why on earth are they dressing like Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Rihanna in the movies? I strongly doubt I will ever understand these things.


And the most annoying part is the way they end the movies. You see 'To God be the Glory' or 'Watch out for Part 2' or 'Thanks be to the Most High'. They make it sound like it was a pleasurable experience. By my assessment, I believe they should end with phrases such as- 'Oh Sorry, you just wasted 2hours of your life' or 'Poor you, there's a Part 3'.


Beyond all this tirade, from Pound Road Aba to Ebinpejo Lane Idumota to Iweka Road Onitsha back to Nnamdi Azikwe Street Idumota, marketers are making a kill and they would have it no other way. What's their business with the dulling effect the movies have on the grey matter of your cerebrum? 


Make anybody wey dey find IQ booster tune to Discovery or History Channel. No be by force after-all.


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