Nollywood: Twelve Years A Retard

I don't think I ever made a secret of my most unapologetic resentment for Nollywood. This isn't only because I believe strongly that Nigerian movies rank only second to Cerebral Palsy as a cause of mental retardation in this population. It is also because I feel it is a potent crippler of one's I.Q as research would probably show that long term exposure to our movies would also cause a regression of developmental milestones. 

I also believe Nollywood has played a big part in how Nigeria as a nation has been governed in the last decade and our state of disrepair. In fact, Nollywood is a reflection of the Nigerian state. Imagine my amusement when a sitting President announced on national television that he watches Nollywood as there are many fine ladies from the South-East featured in our films. Does my theory about Nollywood and I.Q register now?  

Above are three beautiful women - in no particular order of beauty of course. To varying degrees, each has carved a niche for herself in the film industry and is renowned for her trade. For the record, from left to right: Genevive Nnaji, Lupita Nyong'o and Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde.

In February 2014, Lupita won an Academy award for her role in Twelve Years A Slave. Nigerians started 'famzing'. Everywhere I looked on social media, I saw Lupita. 'Your dreams are valid no matter where you are from' became an instant mantra on Nigerian lips. Instagram was agog with Lupita! For the record, this was Lupita's first movie. She had been in production a couple of times but till date she had only starred in one film and she won an Oscar for that singular film! She is the first African actress to win an Oscar.

Genevive has been acting since 1998. I think I was still in secondary school then and I'm certain she has made trailer loads of money from movie making. Don't get me wrong. I think she's a beautiful woman who has done amazingly well for herself in her discipline. Omotola has appeared in a whooping 300 movies! She's been in the business since 1995! I'm not even sure I had attained puberty at that time sef. 

Is there a basis for comparing Lupita, Omotola and Genevive? I believe so. They are young African women who have picked a career where they have and will continue to flourish. The question now is what our definition of success is. It will always be a relative thing. Some of us will define it based on quantity while others will go for quality. One of our problems as Nigerians is our definition of success. To us, material things are strong indicators of a successful person. To other people in saner climes, winning arguably the highest accolade for screenplay is the yardstick for success. 

I believe Nigeria will not move forward till Nigerians begin to ask for more than they get. Not just from Nollywood but from people elected into public office. Until we see ourselves as people who deserve more than what is hurled at us and demand for the highest standard in every sphere of livelihood, we will remain where we are.

Lupita is Kenyan. We can't argue that they rigged the award in her favour. She was nominated alongside people like Julia Roberts and Jennifer Lawrence so it was most likely based on merit. She also has a Mexican bloodline but that still doesn't give her any extraordinary edge. Omotola and Genevive are undoubtedly and effortlessly veterans in the industry but maybe an Oscar nomination is too much to ask of them?

You must agree with me that if winning an Oscar was based on votes of mentally lazy Nigerian housewives and their accompanying housemaids then Genevive and Omotola would have cabinets over-flowing with Oscar statues. (Un)fortunately it is not, so we are where we are. A continuous production chain of watery and mentally stunted flicks where Patience Ozokwor is a wicked step-mother and Genevive or Omotola is the maltreated step-daughter who the village Prince is madly in love with. What we have is a nauseating and intellectually arid series of titles- Tears of Life, Tears of a Woman, Tears of Love, Tears of my Eyes, My Mother's Tears, My Father's Tears, Our Tears, Family in Tears...the list is endless. Someone apparently has a lacrimal pathology of some sort.

But then,I can't blame our actors for not upping their game. They have met our expectations so why bother striving for quality. Quantity is just fine with us. Whether I like it or not, in Nigeria, they are the best things since sliced bread and they are successful! They are our finest exports. Just like our leaders, we as a people get what we deserve in our actors.

If you are an ardent follower of Nollywood, be very proud of yourself. You are in very good company. You have something in common with the occupants of Aso Rock. That must excite you very much I suppose.