Patience As A Virtue

Nigeria continues to confuse me. 


This morning, the prima headline in the news on radio was the unrest in Kaduna and Yobe. The next story was that my dear President was gallivanting once again. This time, to Rio Brazil for some otiose conference.


He is to be accompanied by his wife, four State Governors and some other government leeches. Being that I am now used to Mr President wandering aimlessly around the globe with a bloated entourage, I did not particularly flinch at the news. I did however smile when Dame Patience was mentioned as a member of that entourage. Oga dey go Brazil, where Samba girls are more than road signs so why not give Oga close marking? After-all, even the Good Book says 'What God has joined together, let no man (or conference, principality or power) put asunder'.


So Patience is off to Rio this morning. I'm sure she'll have estacode for the trip. Estacode. Money sufficient enough to buy educational textbooks and laboratory equipment for a few schools in Nembe. 


Can we seriously explain what Dame is going to do in Brazil today?


Dame has generated a lot of parody on social media, for her seemingly malignant use of the English language. She has taken her cue and seems to have reduced the frequency of her public speaking. To all of us who have scornfully ridiculed her on our BlackBerry devices and Twitter, I condole with you. Why? 


Well, while you bitterly jest at Dame's grammatical prowess, she amasses visas from different countries on different continents. I stand to be corrected but by 2015, Dame will probably be the most traveled First Lady this country ever had. Even with the supposed 'bad English'.


I doubt most Professors of English in Nigeria have traveled as much as Dame. No be by grammar. Na by packaging.


Dame Jonathan claims she studied Biology and Psychology at the University Of Port Harcourt. Same alma mater as Mr President. I assume they met at the Love Garden in Delta Park UNIPORT or a palm wine joint around Aluu. Whatever the case may be, theirs is a match made in Heaven. 


Surprisingly she also claims to have an NCE from another post-secondary institution in Rivers State. Interesting. It is amazing to think Dame was a teacher and even a banker. As a teacher, her pupils were probably either truants or audio-logically challenged.  Either way, she had a successful teaching career.


I saw her recently in the Style section of ThisDay. She was literally and figuratively glistening. This 'oyel money' sweet. Even though I hear competition is stiff at Federal Executive Council level, Dame seems to be doing a good job with keeping Mr President 'focused' on nation building.


Dame however is not as slow-witted as a lot of folks erroneously assume. I gather she recently acquired two oil vessels for lifting crude. I also understand she owned two such vessels before her recent acquisition. We also cannot forget her 2006 money laundering romance. Imagine the value of £8million six years ago? Till date, nobody has mentioned it again. We also cannot pretend we are not aware Timipre Sylva's current woes have everything to do with his friction with the powerful Dame. Take it or leave it, Dame get power. If you do not believe, wait till she comes again to open a beauty salon in Warri or attend a naming ceremony in Lagos or just a courtesy call on her friends at ThisDay Lagos. 


Absolute power corrupts absolutely!


Unfortunately, Dame and her spouse have made my alma mater look risible. Now when they ask me where I trained, they look up again when I respond and say 'Ah, you went there too'. Hopefully, before 2019 when the Jonathans vacate Aso Rock, my certificate would not have been reduced to just another waste of the bark of a tree. Six plus years in university is not something to waste like that.


Dame, biko, I understand your spousal responsibilities but you need to encourage Jo' to start behaving like a Ph.D holder before UNIPORT is blacklisted globally.


Meanwhile, enjoy Brazil. I hear the weather and the beaches are lovely. Do not however venture into the misadventure of wearing two-piece bikinis like the Samba girls. Jo' might mistakenly allow the Presidential Jet leave without you. 


And if he did...a certain pistillate Minister is waiting to #OccupyAsoRock.






















Follow 'Wole @drwalls28 on Twitter.