Mohammed, Abati & Cheap Shots

 Globally, politics and politicians remain intriguing and dramatic. Nigerian politics certainly gives a new meaning to this intrigue as our politicians never cease to amuse us. Every fledgling and geriatric democratic system has a ruling and an opposition party. British Conservatives have Labour and Liberal parties, America's Democrats have Republicans, Russia has United Russia, Communist Party and Liberal Democrats, South Africa's ANC has the Democratic Alliance and of course,our dear and loving PDP has the ACN and CPC.

Opposition parties play a vital role in calling the ruling party to order in the event that the latter tends towards high-handedness or begins to make anti-people policies. I therefore appreciate the importance of such bodies as we have come to discover from history that 'absolute power corrupts absolutely'. Nigeria however is a peculiar playing field as, depending on the time, season and the people involved, it may become a daunting task to try to differentiate oppositions from alliances. In our current political era, PDP's only apparent opposition party is the ACN, some will make cases for CPC and ANPP but honestly these parties have not succeeded in breaking tribal divides and thus remain 'regional' parties i.e confined to the Northern part of Nigeria.

Since it was founded in 2006, the ACN has progressively thrived in the west and has grown in stature and follower-ship. Even though it has really not edged the CPC as the strongest opposition party, it has definitely established itself as the most vociferous. ACN currently rules in 6 Nigerian states and the emergence of the party as a force has been credited to the enigmatic Asiwaju Ahmed Bola Tinubu. The National Publicity Secretary, Alhaji Lai Mohammed, however does not cease to amuse me personally. Each time i catch his interviews either in the print or electronic media, i am always enthralled at his choice of words and delivery. This is however not very surprising as Alhaji Mohammed is a trained linguist and legal practitioner, i understand he holds graduate degrees from both Uni of Lagos and Uni of Ife (Now OAU). He is the man charged with laundering the image of the ACN and on the other hand soiling adequately the name of the PDP (not that they need much help doing that anyway). Recently, there has been a lot of friction between Mohammed and the Federal Government, he is always quick in the castigation of actions he deems unwholesome and ordinarily, should be the ideal Nigerian superhero.

Some weeks ago, it reached a climax and ultimately the Presidency reprimanded the ACN spokesman for disrespecting the sacred office of Dr Jonathan. Our dear erudite Presidential mouthpiece in the person of Dr Reuben Abati, did not mince words in setting Mohammed straight and sternly warned him to desist from any further attacks on the respectable person of our President. To me, it was all comical as the Abati-Mohammed face-off continued. I knew it was just a matter of time before the two mudslingers engaged in another verbal duel as it now seemed like an erotically rewarding pastime for both men. Over the weekend, reports suggested that President Jonathan solicited a 'bribe' in the form of a church building from an international contractor and i waited eagerly to hear from Mohammed. Alas, i was not disappointed as he promptly urged the National Assembly to initiate impeachment proceedings against Mr President. Abati, also in a bid not to look inefficient and somnolent, fired back. He advised the opposition to engage in more intelligent activities and desist from distracting Uncle Ebele from the serious business of governance. They continue to call themselves all sorts of names and continue to entertain professional bench-warmers like me.

To me, both men are starting to sound like broken records. Their sworn enmity now looks and feels like a pitiable and demeaning battle for relevance and are starting to bore a lot of Nigerians. If the ACN truly had the interest of Nigerians at heart, maybe they should have thought twice before jumping into bed with the PDP a few days before the April 2011 general elections. The prodigal offspring of that illicit and demonic affair is the monster Nigerians wake up to everyday. The ACN had the chance to probably save Nigerians a lot of heartache and insomnia but selfishly dined and danced with he devil. Their bickering over the actions and blatant blunders of the ruling party to me, is clearly a futile attempt at self redemption. Maybe if they had not embarked on that journey to Abuja on the eve of the elections,Nuhu Ribadu would have scooped a few more votes and maybe, just maybe, the PDP would have had a harder time defeating their closest rivals at the polls. Lai Mohammed is an old warhorse, he took an unsuccessful shot at the Kwara State top job in 2002 and has managed to prance about the party since then. Abati, on the other hand is a scholar who has now realized he needs to secure a good pension plan and has thus sold his soul to the demons he once fought gallantly.

As for the bad-blood between the two learned but seemingly bored dance partners, my candid advice to them would be ''Gentlemen, please kiss and make up, smile for the camera and say 'Cheese''.