Ebele's Influence & TIME Magazine

'You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt'- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hearty Congratulations to His Excellency on the epoch-making achievement of making TIME Magazine's '100 Most Influential People In The World' for 2012. For an utterly somnolent and clueless administration, this must certainly be a remarkable feat. I am certain the President's praise singers and sycophants will have a filled week lauding his virtues as a man of global repute. Kudos to them all.

There has been a lot of outrage from well meaning Nigerians about this conferment on Mr President. They feel ridiculed by the presence of a leader who seems to have failed many of them, on such a 'prestigious' list. Nigerians have expressed disgust and doubt about the moral soundness of that list as a true reflection of the real picture of the state of the polity. To these honest Nigerians, I say 'Relax...leave Ebele and TIME'.

In 1927, TIME began the series called 'Person of The Year' where the organisation recognizes an individual or a group of individuals who had the biggest impact on news headlines over the past twelve months. The recognition was not essentially given as a reward or honor as TIME appreciated that fellows would impact the news greatly for either good or ill, or an element of both, during the course of a year. In 1999, the publishers started the 'TIME 100' the category where our dear Ebele has found his name this year. TIME 100 is also supposed to recognize news makers and their seeming 'influence' on events in their remote locations and eventually on the global stage.

TIME listed Adolf Hitler in 1938 and the Soviet warlord Joseph Stalin twice in 1938 and 1942. Now most of us certainly do not need to be reminded of Adolf Hitler's exploits back then and a few of us also know how Joseph Stalin, a card carrying atheist, supervised the execution of millions of human beings. These were the men TIME acknowledged as news makers and consequently labelled 'Man Of The Year'. Smile, Ebele, you are in good company.

When you oversee the suffering and sadistic torture of 160 million Nigerians, the most populous black nation in the world, trust me, you will make global headlines. In January 2012, Nigerians were given the New Year's present of upwardly reviewed fuel prices. Chaos broke out in the streets, the country shut down for a week as organized labor downed tools and soldiers flooded the streets giving the Civil war veterans the nostalgic feeling of battle in the land. One man, who had conned Nigerians into obtaining the ultimate mandate, sat and gave executive orders to have his own people intimidated and bullied. People who he swore to serve with his blood and sweat. Corruption has thrived voraciously under his administration, public officers have never had it so good under any Nigerian President and our Commander-In-Chief openly admits there are Goliaths and Cabals everywhere. Certainly, Ebele has now assumed the stature of Adolf and his good friend Stalin in the mind of the several families who have incessantly gone to bed hungry because our leaders have to eat.

This 2012, my dear and loving President is ecstatic. He, Rihanna and Adele are rocking the world headlines. His ego has been thoroughly stroked and I hope he'll find time to attend the after-party. He once said Nigerians are too critical of him even when 'President Obama commended me'. This is another glorious chance to shine internationally, the accolades have started coming in already, President Sirleaf-Johnson praised Ebele as one of the leaders under whom Africa would move forward. I will refrain from responding to the Liberian President now, we shall treat her matter on a different day. I await the press release from Mr Reuben Abati on this developmental milestone of Ebele, I imagine it will be nothing short of the typically imbecilic and comical rants he is now renowned for.

TIME magazine made an innocuous list, they did not consider it inflammatory or an article of ridicule to the Nigerians Ebele 'influences'. I hold no grudge against the American publishers, they only watched the news and picked the names they saw as recurring decimals in the headlines.Ebele would certainly top the list if the list was based on the amount of parody generated on the social networks and the amount of unwholesome comments ever made by any citizenry against its own President. I will however advise TIME, the next time they decide to publish anything about Ebele and his influence, they should visit the slums at Makoko and Ajegunle, they should travel through the Sagamu-Ore-Benin expressway, they should also visit the world class health centres at Kaura-Namode in Zamfara and the standard classrooms in Saigbama in Bayelsa and maybe a short trip to Kirikiri and Ikoyi Prisons. I'm pretty certain their perception of Ebele and his influence will change considerably.

I will like to apologize to human beings like Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama, Warren Buffet and Angela Merkel  who were unfortunate enough to have their names listed alongside a grossly under-performing leader like Ebele. He does however have some unscrupulous elements with him also in the persons of Kim Jong Un (North Korean Premier), Mullah Mohammed Omar (Taliban leader) and President Bashar Assad of Syria who has continued to annihilate his own people for months now.

Ebele, I will also take the liberty to advise you. You have been appointed for a job that seems to have befuddled you, a position you have constantly desecrated since you assumed duty. A lot of cynics like myself believe we would never move forward under your leadership, a lot of other less pessimistic 'It-Is-Well' Nigerians however still believe we can be redeemed. For the sake of these ones, face the job you have been designated to do. Desist from letting the limelight and the international community distract you from the very serious business of quality governance. Face your work! Let TIME compile their lists, why not try to make a mark on Nigerians and wait for their own assessment of you and your 'influence'. Why not stop aiding and abetting corruption in your backyard and start to show your country men that you are totally and firmly anti-corruption. Do that seriously and you will see that your subordinates will sit up. Do that and you will see our power sector will function, our contractors will start to execute quality road constructions, our hospitals will begin to function as our schools will breathe again. Even our Police will lose their crave and craze for squeezed currency notes. Face your work!

I do however appreciate that a man cannot give what he does not have. For that reason, I have written you off as just another 'Nigerian' leader. Several have come before you and they all left eventually, you too will have to vacate office at some point, if not now, later.

And one last thing Ebele, God did not choose you! He chose men like Moses, Joshua and David. He certainly could not have chosen someone like you. Refrain from insulting God.