A Few Good Men

No, I'm not referring to the 1992 multi-award winning epic movie starring Tom Cruise and Demi Moore.

Character and reputation were described by Abraham Lincoln as a tree and a shadow. He submits that the shadow is what we think of the real thing, while the character is the real thing itself. Character is the inherent complex of attributes that determine a person's moral or ethical actions. A man can only hide his character for so long, it eventually finds a means of expression.

Enter Honorable Farouk Lawan, a serving Member of Parliament since 1999 from Kano State. The diminutive legislator has in the last few months received glowing accolades from Nigerians due to his role as the Chairman of the Subsidy probe committee. Hon. Lawan first hinted on his upright character in 2001 when he led the 'Integrity Group' against the then embattled seasoned hairdresser-cum-Speaker, Mrs Patricia Etteh. Five years on and Lawan shows Nigerians he still holds the same core values that have made him stand out in the midst of decay. In a country where the value placed on character is as flimsy as desert vegetation.

During the course of the hearings on the subsidy probe, Hon. Lawan said his committee was offered everything comprehensible by high powered miscreants to derail the process. He claims they got cash offers to business deals as stakes in the companies implicated in the subsidy fraud. He however put his conscience above material wealth and publicly denounced taking such offers. A few days ago, the report of the subsidy probe was submitted to the House for examination and excerpts from that report have circulated in the news. I was alarmed and flummoxed by the kind of figures i read in sections of that report. It  again reminded me I was living in a terminally ill nation and our future as a nation remains eerily bleak.

Nigerians are looting Nigeria and they are ready to steam roll men like Lawan who try to get in the way of their gross larceny and plundering. Shortly before the final report was submitted Lawan again claimed he was under immense pressure form both government and private corridors to doctor the reports and cover up the names of the culprits in the monumental fraud called subsidy. He somehow refused and went on to release the report. I have nothing but unrefined admiration for the character of the man called Farouk Lawan.

He displayed selflessness and bravery in stepping on toes and publishing the names of these felons. I am also surprised that as a card carrying PDP member , he went ahead to finger the erstwhile Chairman of PDP, Ahmadu Ali as an accomplice in the subsidy scam. Ali was the boss at the PPPRA at the time when this unrivaled and unparalleled looting was going on in the oil sector. He also implicated Diezani Allison-Madueke, the current Minister of Petroleum who oversees the payment of subsidy on virtual petroluem products imported into Nigeria. She still remains a sitting Minister and is assured that NO Jupiter can unseat her. Diezani is arguably Nigeria's most wealthy female at the moment and I strongly suspect she'll remain so for a few more decades.

Another person implicated is Austin Oniwon, the GMD of NNPC. The organization has been shown to be the most corruption riddled one ever in the history of this country. I am made to understand NNPC is not accountable to any authority or ministry in Nigeria, it is a fully autonomous organization where the looting orgy continues unfettered. We even continued paying a whooping 314 billion naira for subsidy on kerosene two years after the President had ordered the removal of such subsidy. Interesting, isn't it?

The current Governor of Gombe, Ibrahim Dankwambo is also a key member of this cartel of robbers. As the Accountant General, Dankwambo was said to have credited 128 bank accounts each with the sum of 999 milllion naira within 24hours even though there were only 36 importing companies. Strange to say the very least. 36 companies were listed yet 128 accounts were credited with the same amounts. Did the 26 companies import the same quantity of products? How come each then got the same installment of 999million in 24hours. I even hear a waste disposal company was paid 1.9 billion naira for also importing petroleum products. We were certainly running a lottery it seems.

Even the marketers we hitherto believed were the main culprits turned out to be mild crooks, the real criminals are in the Ministry of Petroleum-PPPRA-NNPC-Office of Accountant General axis. The private firms turned out to be mere 'I.T students' in this den of organized crime. The figures are staggering! Yet, Diezani remains in office clutching her $25,000 Hermes Alligator handbags, Dankwambo remains the Governor of Gombe State and Austin Oniwon still oversees the affairs of the NNPC as its GMD. Don't we have a fundamental problem as human beings in this country?

Farouk Lawan has left an indelible mark on me as a person. I did not believe we still had this calibre of men in this nation. He could have taken the easy route and be made rich beyond his wildest dreams, he could have accepted stupendous bribes in cash and kind from the Ministry of Petroleum Resources, NNPC, PPPRA, Government of Gombe State and the erring private fuel importers. These organizations do not bribe with modesty, they bribe in billions in a wide array of currencies. Lawan could have simply compromised and walked away smiling and whistling, but he didn't. He thought of his own legacy and what he would be remembered for, he thought of his children and the tenets of the religion he practices. He thought of the millions of Nigeria who continue to suffer from soaring costs of living from fuel price hike. He thought of his own conscience and reminded himself the words of Benjamin Franklin who said 'A good conscience is a continual Christmas'. He did something our incumbent President has refused to do. Remember that he who must come to equity must come with clean hands.

The Lawan-led committee has made its recommendations to bring the implicated crooks to book. We will wait to see if our spineless President will take punitive measures against his cohorts. Ali is a one time PDP Chairman, I am sure he has immunity. Dankwanmbo is a sitting PDP Governor, he also will certainly have immunity. Diezani does not need to tell me her party affiliations, by her continued presence in Federal Executive Council, we can assume she nurtures a deeply passionate romance with the PDP and its corps of past Nigerian Presidents. As for Austin Oniwon, we will wait till he retires from the NNPC to be certain where his allegiances lie but do not be surprised if he also has an affinity for 'umbellerras'.

If Jonathan is not sure of what to do in dealing with his friends and family, I suggest he outsources the prosecution of those implicated to the UK. They seem like our only hope in bringing pilfering public officers to book these days. They will certainly prosecute them successfully and put them away for a few years at least.

Again, my appreciation to Farouk Lawan for his sterling performance. I was almost tempted to believe again in this country but I will choose to err on the side of caution. I still remain cynical, unrepentantly so.

Nigeria certainly still has a few good men.

My only reservation is his association with the bandwagon of robbers in the PDP. He has, however, somehow managed to remain flea-free even though he lies with dogs.

Kudos Sir.

Ebele's Influence & TIME Magazine

'You can have no influence over those for whom you have underlying contempt'- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hearty Congratulations to His Excellency on the epoch-making achievement of making TIME Magazine's '100 Most Influential People In The World' for 2012. For an utterly somnolent and clueless administration, this must certainly be a remarkable feat. I am certain the President's praise singers and sycophants will have a filled week lauding his virtues as a man of global repute. Kudos to them all.

There has been a lot of outrage from well meaning Nigerians about this conferment on Mr President. They feel ridiculed by the presence of a leader who seems to have failed many of them, on such a 'prestigious' list. Nigerians have expressed disgust and doubt about the moral soundness of that list as a true reflection of the real picture of the state of the polity. To these honest Nigerians, I say 'Relax...leave Ebele and TIME'.

In 1927, TIME began the series called 'Person of The Year' where the organisation recognizes an individual or a group of individuals who had the biggest impact on news headlines over the past twelve months. The recognition was not essentially given as a reward or honor as TIME appreciated that fellows would impact the news greatly for either good or ill, or an element of both, during the course of a year. In 1999, the publishers started the 'TIME 100' the category where our dear Ebele has found his name this year. TIME 100 is also supposed to recognize news makers and their seeming 'influence' on events in their remote locations and eventually on the global stage.

TIME listed Adolf Hitler in 1938 and the Soviet warlord Joseph Stalin twice in 1938 and 1942. Now most of us certainly do not need to be reminded of Adolf Hitler's exploits back then and a few of us also know how Joseph Stalin, a card carrying atheist, supervised the execution of millions of human beings. These were the men TIME acknowledged as news makers and consequently labelled 'Man Of The Year'. Smile, Ebele, you are in good company.

When you oversee the suffering and sadistic torture of 160 million Nigerians, the most populous black nation in the world, trust me, you will make global headlines. In January 2012, Nigerians were given the New Year's present of upwardly reviewed fuel prices. Chaos broke out in the streets, the country shut down for a week as organized labor downed tools and soldiers flooded the streets giving the Civil war veterans the nostalgic feeling of battle in the land. One man, who had conned Nigerians into obtaining the ultimate mandate, sat and gave executive orders to have his own people intimidated and bullied. People who he swore to serve with his blood and sweat. Corruption has thrived voraciously under his administration, public officers have never had it so good under any Nigerian President and our Commander-In-Chief openly admits there are Goliaths and Cabals everywhere. Certainly, Ebele has now assumed the stature of Adolf and his good friend Stalin in the mind of the several families who have incessantly gone to bed hungry because our leaders have to eat.

This 2012, my dear and loving President is ecstatic. He, Rihanna and Adele are rocking the world headlines. His ego has been thoroughly stroked and I hope he'll find time to attend the after-party. He once said Nigerians are too critical of him even when 'President Obama commended me'. This is another glorious chance to shine internationally, the accolades have started coming in already, President Sirleaf-Johnson praised Ebele as one of the leaders under whom Africa would move forward. I will refrain from responding to the Liberian President now, we shall treat her matter on a different day. I await the press release from Mr Reuben Abati on this developmental milestone of Ebele, I imagine it will be nothing short of the typically imbecilic and comical rants he is now renowned for.

TIME magazine made an innocuous list, they did not consider it inflammatory or an article of ridicule to the Nigerians Ebele 'influences'. I hold no grudge against the American publishers, they only watched the news and picked the names they saw as recurring decimals in the headlines.Ebele would certainly top the list if the list was based on the amount of parody generated on the social networks and the amount of unwholesome comments ever made by any citizenry against its own President. I will however advise TIME, the next time they decide to publish anything about Ebele and his influence, they should visit the slums at Makoko and Ajegunle, they should travel through the Sagamu-Ore-Benin expressway, they should also visit the world class health centres at Kaura-Namode in Zamfara and the standard classrooms in Saigbama in Bayelsa and maybe a short trip to Kirikiri and Ikoyi Prisons. I'm pretty certain their perception of Ebele and his influence will change considerably.

I will like to apologize to human beings like Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama, Warren Buffet and Angela Merkel  who were unfortunate enough to have their names listed alongside a grossly under-performing leader like Ebele. He does however have some unscrupulous elements with him also in the persons of Kim Jong Un (North Korean Premier), Mullah Mohammed Omar (Taliban leader) and President Bashar Assad of Syria who has continued to annihilate his own people for months now.

Ebele, I will also take the liberty to advise you. You have been appointed for a job that seems to have befuddled you, a position you have constantly desecrated since you assumed duty. A lot of cynics like myself believe we would never move forward under your leadership, a lot of other less pessimistic 'It-Is-Well' Nigerians however still believe we can be redeemed. For the sake of these ones, face the job you have been designated to do. Desist from letting the limelight and the international community distract you from the very serious business of quality governance. Face your work! Let TIME compile their lists, why not try to make a mark on Nigerians and wait for their own assessment of you and your 'influence'. Why not stop aiding and abetting corruption in your backyard and start to show your country men that you are totally and firmly anti-corruption. Do that seriously and you will see that your subordinates will sit up. Do that and you will see our power sector will function, our contractors will start to execute quality road constructions, our hospitals will begin to function as our schools will breathe again. Even our Police will lose their crave and craze for squeezed currency notes. Face your work!

I do however appreciate that a man cannot give what he does not have. For that reason, I have written you off as just another 'Nigerian' leader. Several have come before you and they all left eventually, you too will have to vacate office at some point, if not now, later.

And one last thing Ebele, God did not choose you! He chose men like Moses, Joshua and David. He certainly could not have chosen someone like you. Refrain from insulting God.

Girl Education & A Terminal Society

 Wednesday April 18 2012, I had just finished a call duty in my hospital and I freshened up for the next day's work, remotely in the background, the television set was on, I was not really watching as I just went about my business of getting ready for work. I had tuned in passively to CNN to catch any news I may have missed and then something got my attention and I stood and watched. There was a report on about how Islamic extremists had poisoned 140 girls and their 11 teachers at an Afghan school for girls. The report said the school's drinking water supply had been contaminated by some anti-girl education Islamists and that all the affected girls were lying critically in hospital. No deaths had been recorded yet. I understand that this was actually not the first of such attacks on girl schools in that country. How unfortunate for the future of that country called Afghanistan.

The previous day, I read an article on Ynaija about a girl in Katsina who was married at 14 years of age and divorced at 18years with a baby but is now enrolled in primary school with her daughter. It was under the auspices of the Katsina state government and an International body, they pay families of such girls for allowing their children to go to school and I hear the girl's family gets a seemingly paltry sum of five thousand naira per quarter the girl remains in school. I was baffled by such an incentive but i was also appreciative. It only shocked me how low the poor Northern families will go to make money off a cause that would eventually benefit the family, society and the nation.

Currently, UNICEF says children under the age of 15years make up about 45% of Nigeria's population. At first glance I disagreed with that statistic but I thought of our ever dwindling life expectancy as Nigerians and the death rate as high, if not higher, than the birth rates and I was forced to agree. UNICEF also claims a whooping 40% of children in Nigeria between 6-11 years do not attend primary schools. Alarming to say the least. Of course, the Northern part of Nigeria is the worst affected region and the female child also the more affected. The WHO says the female population has outgrown its male counterpart so if the girls who are more than the boys are deprived of education, who is surprised that Nigeria has one of the highest rates of child illiteracy?.

In 2004, the government passed the Universal Basic Education Act to ensure compulsory and free basic education and ultimately reduce the illiteracy rate in the country. Again as the ever comical beings Nigerians and their leaders are, we are trying to increase literacy rates with no teachers and schools. The teachers are unmotivated and the schools in the rural areas seldom have buildings. Our children learn in the most deplorable facilities, if I can even use the word 'facilities'. They 'learn' under trees and shrubs. Is this how we want and hope to achieve Education-For-All by 2015, which if you didn't notice is 3years away?

Maternal mortality was 1 in every 23 in 2008 and now between 600-800 per 100,000 livebirths, Nigeria is ranked 12th globally for highest Under-5 mortality rate, 40% neonatal mortality rate in 2010 (SHOCKING!!) and 3.6% HIV prevalence rate among adults within 15 and 49years in 2009. All very worrying indices for a population that is said to be the Giant of Africa.

Unfortunately, the women are more affected by everything stated above. They are the ones who will die from poor care during pregnancy and childbirth. They are the ones who will lose babies after a grueling hormonal and physiological nine month sojourn termed pregnancy. They are the ones who would have colostrum-engorged breasts after childbirth with no neonate to show for it. They are the ones most affected by the HIV pandemic. Always the women, yet we are not responsive and responsible enough to protect these ones.

Education will certainly reduce these statistics, yet under a certain creed, female education is an abomination. I simply cannot understand it. In the 21st century when we should seek to minimize preventable deaths, we use religion as an excuse to take more lives. Female education is the elixir we have longed for and we use our hands to condemn the very panacea to most, if not all of our dwindling health developmental indices. An educated girl contributes constructively to the economy of her home and family, even if it just Brazilian weave she spends her money on, at least she feels good about herself. An educated girl knows she should see a doctor when she misses a period or when she notices a strange discharge or when a drug messes up her cycle. An educated girl is more likely to visit a skilled health practitioner for an abortion, even if it is criminal, thus removing the risk of septic abortion. An educated girl knows she should register for antenatal care when she is confirmed to be pregnant and understands she must comply with her antenatal visits and routine medication. An educated girl knows better than going to a church or a traditional birth attendant to have her precious bundle of joy. She can afford not to, because she is empowered intellectually, financially and economically. An educated girl understands the relevance of routine immunization for her neonate and knows she should seek help when the baby seems to have delayed developmental milestones and when her baby has common childhood illnesses like malaria and gastroenteritis. An educated woman knows she should breastfeed exclusively for six months and not start 'ogi baba' even before the baby opens its eyes. An educated woman KNOWS!

So why then can't we get over ourselves and let these ones receive something as basic as education. Its even more painful that even with the little our grossly irresponsible government has put in place, we Nigerians ourselves refuse to be wise and choose to believe what a religion says is a taboo. Yet, with the several decades of practicing this creed, Northern Nigeria remains in throes of poverty, ill-health  and death. How long will we remain simpletons?

It may be a man's world, though relatively, i am however yet to see a man birth another man. We must desist from such silliness.

Let us take a cue from Jane G.Lewis who said 'You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman' and get our house in order.

A stitch in time, they say, saves nine...I, however, say a stitch in time saves you the cost of a new shirt!

Hello...Hello...Can You Hear Me?

 It is often said that General Obasanjo ruled us for eight years and the only dividend of democracy he gave Nigerians was the Global System for Mobile Communication (GSM). Since its introduction in 2001, the GSM has continued to spread like wild fire, connecting millions of Nigerians, literate and illiterate alike, to the world from their bedrooms. It has certainly changed the face and cost of doing business as communication has become so simple that i often wonder how we survived before the age of mobile phones.

Since 2001, we've had different mobile operators come and go. They've come, invested a few millions, doubled their money and moved on to more rewarding ventures. We however have some seemingly stable operators who as we have all come to realize are not yet done with milking the Nigerian populace. I remember the first mobile sim pack i got as a medical student in 2002 or so, it cost a whooping 20,000 naira at the time. The handset was a Siemens A35 as my folks could not afford to buy me the Thuraya or even the Nokia 3310 at the time. Eleven years later, the same sim card sells for about a hundred naira. My mum even got free sim packs at a wedding she attended last month as thank-you-for-coming souvenirs.

For the purpose of this parody, i shall refrain from mentioning names of the major operators. Also for the purpose of posterity, as i may also be named as a brand ambassador someday and it'll be sore if at that point, a innocuous article as this is tendered against my appointment. So, i'll simply refer to them as; the Green one, The Red one, The Black one and The Yellow one. I'll leave you to make your deductions and use your imagination at your own risk.

First off, i'll like to thank the four major operators on behalf of the Nigerian musicians who have cashed out as brand ambassadors for these companies. I am made to understand that they spend humongous amounts on endorsement deals with a few selected artistes. I hear the Black one even had directors queried months after they realized they had paid too much for the services of Banky W for their roll out theme song. So also the Green one, D'banj and King Sunny Ade will definitely never forget the largess and magnanimity of this company so much so that the 70year old 'Orisun Iye' crooner went ahead and painted his entire house at Jibowu Yaba in green color. Then the Yellow company that prides itself as being cosmopolitan recently snapped up Davido as its new face in a multi-million naira deal. Then the Red one last year had a hot romance with Tuface in their 'Too Good' promo.

Some nights ago, subscribers on the Yellow one woke up to find all their airtime missing. Twitter was agog with complaints the next day and people threatened fire and brimstone if they didn't get their airtime back. I am made to understand the operator returned all the airtime, apparently they had a thieving system upgrade and their systems developed kleptomaniac tendencies during the night. I have used the Yellow one for about nine years now and they are yet to impress me in any way . Since the advent of BlackBerry services, i have complained tirelessly as with several Nigerians on the terrible data services offered. The best part is when you try to contact their customer call center, you'll totally hate yourself. Personally i have given up on trying to speak with their elusive call center agents as i once listened to jingles for 45mins while waiting for the next available agent and just as the fellow picked up my call, the line was dropped as my phone showed 'Call Failed'. The Yellow one however does not joke with advertisements, they bring us the most melodious advert tunes year after year and sponsor family and general knowledge game shows.They are however said to have the most expensive call rates even for calls made on their own network. I definitely agree as i have noticed the incredibly short life span of airtime recharges on my phone, i have since resigned to not using the network for voice calls. On the days they want to maximize profit from dropped calls, you are likely to see things like 'Network Congestion' or 'Call failed' while trying to place voice calls.

The Red one seems to be the most confused of the lot in terms of identity, though i am made to believe they offer arguably the cheapest call rates. It is a network i have personally never been on but i know a couple of people who still use it. They have had about five different names since 2001 and i doubt they've reached their final bus-stop in terms of nomenclature. I await their next alias as they seem to have a fetish for names. They however try to remain transparent as i am aware they send call summary and call charges after every telephone call thus enabling their subscribers to track their airtime. They however have the idiotic 'Ake, My Love-Club 10' advert. Where on earth did they get that silly concept from?

The Green one is an indigenous company and i hear they offer good call rates also. Their call centers respond promptly even if they don't sort out the issue you called to complain about. They are also renowned for hiring fair, tall and voluptuous ladies, for reasons best known to them. My experience with this operator has been bitter-sweet, they are generous in terms of sms. They give you so many free intra-network sms as if to say 'Oya, make una use text injure unaselves'. Their BlackBerry services are a No No however, i tried using them last year and almost cried at this my old age. They also have a thing for Nollywood actors and actresses as it seems only Baba Suwe and Fadeyi Oloro are not brand ambassadors for this network.

The Black one is the newest and claims to be the freshest of the lot. They used to have very classy adverts but have recently turned to 'Saka' as their new brand mascot. Saka is either dancing alanta or loading airtime in the middle of the night. They rolled out with the edge of personalized numbers and i even got one for myself then. Till date, i still use this network and their call rates are fairly cheap but their network quality is terrible. Their middle names are 'Connection Error' and 'Network Busy' and they can send senseless promo sms'!!! To their credit however, they give free seconds for national calls to any network depending on the amount of airtime recharged. They are also into reality music shows though i believe Nigeria is big enough to find less scary judges than Charley Boy. Also steer clear of their BlackBerry services, they'll make you doubt your own sanity.

In all, the quality of service provided by all these operators can be a lot better than what we have at the moment. They make more money from the dropped calls than the actual completed phone calls and so you have a fair idea of how much they make on a daily basis. Every year, these companies make billions in profit from Nigerian masses, offer crappy service and recruit our young people and offer them peanuts in renumeration. They come to Nigeria, make a lot of money and leave us thoroughly swindled. there are no customer rights protection groups that can task these companies for better service. The government agency saddled with regulating the activities of these companies is somnolent and is more concerned with sim card registration than with quality assurance and delivery to the people of Nigeria.

It is not surprising that the foreign mobile companies come here to treat Nigerians anyhow. There's a saying that 'Charity begins at home'. Once they come in and see how our own government treats us, thy are morally justified to throw whatever they deem appropriate at us. Its like a man who treats his own dog with levity in the presence of his neighbors and then travels and leaves the dog with the same neighbors and then expects the dog to be treated properly. When our government begins to treat us properly, these companies will sit up and offer quality service to Nigerians.

Until that time, Nigerians will continue to groan and complain...Oops! i have phone call, give me a minute...

'Hello...Hello....Can you hear me? Network is bad ooo...Call me back abeg'...

You're Not A Man...You Are Sick!

A few weeks ago, on a bright Monday morning, a 26 year old lady walked into my consulting room in the hospital. She greeted courteously and i responded without looking up, as i was reading a message on my phone at the time. Without still looking at her face, i offered her a seat and she took it and pushed a letter in front of me on the table. At that point, i looked up briefly, she was a fairly pretty lady and i picked up the folded paper. As i read it, i looked up again at her expressionless face and kept reading. It was a referral note from a health center to my center, the first paragraph hit me and my spirit immediately sank. She had been raped a day before and was sent to us for management. She looked like a bright young lady who had suddenly developed anhedonia and i could only imagine what she was going through. She claimed she was picked up somewhere in Victoria Island and she woke up somewhere in Ipaja in the company of some men and recalled vividly how she was defiled by these animals. It was indeed one of the saddest stories i had ever heard in my practice, and trust me, i had heard quite a number of them.

Rape is a criminal offence, not just a physical assault but an emotional and social one at that. Rape is a form of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse initiated by a person or a group of persons without the consent, either written or oral, of the victim. Some societies and schools of thought occasionally choose to further define rape based on penetration or no penetration, a point of view which i strongly believe is imbecilic and mentally arid. Sex doesn't begin or end with penetration, there are other forms of it besides penetrative sex and as long as there was no consent, it is rape.

I have tried to think back and try to recall the day i was seated in my Psychiatry lecture room in medical school, learning about Sexual Deviations from Dr. P.C. Stanley, a Consultant Psychiatrist. I still  cannot recall if he mentioned rape that day, even though i remember vividly he mentioned homosexuality, beastiality, voyeurism, etc. In case he didn't then i believe the Association of Nigerian Psychiatrists should review their list of sexual deviation disorders and place rape at the top of that list. To me, there's no greater mental disorder than rape.

In the Nigerian law, it is stated that 'Any person who has unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act, is guilty of an offence called rape'. It however goes on to say 'Any person who commits the offence of rape is liable to imprisonment for life, with or without caning' and also 'Any person who attempts to commit the offence of rape is guilty of a felony and is liable to imprisonment for 14 years, with or without caning'. I have my reservations about this law as i believe we have something bigger than just a felony or a criminal offence on our hands. My thoughts would however be elucidated in due course.

I was once an avid fan of John Grisham, even though i'm not really a big fan of lawyers, he tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to endear me to lawyers. A few years ago, i had the privilege of purchasing and reading one of his best works in the form of the novel called 'A Time To Kill'. I couldn't drop that book till i saw the back cover, it was that riveting and spellbinding. I however became even more captivated when i saw the film re-enactment of the story starring Samuel L.Jackson and Kiefer Sutherland. For those who are not familiar with the story, basically two racist white boys raped the ten year old daughter of a black man and he simply took laws into his own hand and served jungle justice on the two by killing them in cold blood. I am not advocating for self executed justice but i certainly understand the actions of the character played by Samuel Jackson. His only daughter had been scarred mentally and physically as it was discovered the damage inflicted on her by these boys was bad enough to render her infertile in her reproductive years. This is the cross alot of women today have to live with, even in our present day Nigeria.

Back to the laws of Nigeria. Lately there has been a surge in cases of rape in our country, from the sickening ABSU-5 to the thirteen year old raped by the policeman in Ekiti to the child raped by her schoolteacher some weeks ago. Life imprisonment with or without caning and fourteen years with or without caning for attempted rape to me seem passive. The country is hard enough and with the types of men around these days a more proactive stand must be taken to protect our women from this dastardly act. What do i propose? Thank you for asking me. First, we must take into cognizance that we are dealing with a mentally ill man and we must therefore treat him the way herbivores with Mad Cow's disease are treated. The rapist should first all be brought on national television and paraded with his family members in attendance for everyone to see. Caning is rather lenient, if you ask me, the criminal investigators at SCID Panti have more imaginative and coercive means of eliciting confessions. Why don't we invite them over to help us 'prep' us this man for the punishment that awaits him for raping another man's wife, daughter, sister or mother. After a convincing and inspiring 'chat' with our dear friends at SCID, the rapist can proceed to Federal Neuropsychiatric Hospital at Yaba. There, the staff of the Electro-Convulsive Therapy Unit will await his visit. An hourly session of ECT every four hours for a week aired live for all to see will suffice. He can then proceed to the traditional religious bodies, where demons are exorcised by whipping and scarification. He can then be committed to commence his life long sentence with hard labour. The punishment must and should be multi-departmental as the the nature of the illness and the crime is also multifaceted.

I have heard from some quarters that rape isn't always about sex but about power, that the man wants to feel 'masculine' so he overpowers a weaker being and rapes her. Another jejune and mentally bankrupt submission in my opinion. Rape is not about power, rape is a sadistic and anti-social act perpetrated by a mentally damaged and emotionally anaesthesized fellow. It has nothing to do with power and it never will. We should begin to consider genital amputation for any fellow found to have committed such an offense. To leave another human being emotionally scarred for life is definitely not about power. Such a depraved fellow is better off dead and justice should and must be tendered without any iota of mercy.

I will however implore women to remain careful and watchful. Sometimes, these things are avoidable. Be careful where you hang out and with whom you hang out. Nigerian girls have fallen prey to some of these predators simply for the quest for a good time and things have led to other things. Occasionally, its beyond their control and they just happen to be the wrong place at the wrong time and can't do anything about the sequel events. I also wish to mention the mischievous ones who are quick to cry rape once they have a score to settle with a guy and seek a way to implicate such a fellow. Remember there's a God and He sees all, if you have been truly raped, by all means, speak up and let the person be prosecuted but if you falsely accuse a man for other reasons, remember 'what goes around,comes around'.

Some people have advocated for firmer and sterner laws on rape in Nigeria. I totally agree. It is time these 'men' are put in check. Our judiciary must be impeccable as our forensic criminal investigators. Our government must show seriousness in tackling this highly ungodly acts. Finally, our homes, we must go back to our homes. These rapists are born of women and the quality of parenting should be scrutinized. We are missing it at the nuclear level, we need to teach children the ways of God. The Good Book says 'Train up a child in the way of God and when he grows up,he shall not depart from it'. Children learn more these days from the internet and televisions than from their parents and Sunday schools. We must return to the basics and ask the Lord to guide us.

I will however pray, in closing, for all my female friends and family members, may you never be at the wrong place at the wrong time. God will keep you all from harm. (Amen)

Love Like None Other

Its that time of the year again, when Nigerians and indeed the whole world find reasons to smile and be 'their brothers keeper'. That time of the year when the average Nigerian civil servant gets a few days off and enjoys another national public holiday. That time of the year when the malls and beaches are engorged with fun-seeking people and the excitement in the air is almost palpable. That time of the year when all your BlackBerry contacts change their display pictures to those of Jesus Christ and publicly declare their wanton love and gratitude for the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made at Calvary. Even if its just for 24hours, Jesus gets our display picture slot, the only other day being Christmas day. Easter certainly is one of the biggest festivities in the Christian calender and the whole essence of this sojourn on Earth is to make that sacrifice count after all is said and done.

Jesus Christ is certainly the most remarkable personality ever recorded in history. Everything from His birth to His death and His resurrection remains enthralling. First, born of a virgin in a manger, even though as the Son of The Most High God, could have been birthed in the fanciest and most classy 7 star hospital Bethlehem had. Next, He grew up into an exceptional man and went on His ministry of good news and salvation, He healed people and raised the dead. Till date, my most captivating miracle story, apart from the ones that involved raising dead people, remains the story of 5,000 men fed with five loaves and two fish. The 5,000 of course, being with the exception of women and children. Human comprehension will never see explain these things as, modestly speaking, i have met average guys in their mid 20's who would conveniently consume five loaves of Agege bread and two pieces of fish at a sitting. You can then understand my captivation by this act of love by my Jesus. Another spell-bounding act was the turning of water to wine at the wedding at Cana Galilee as recorded in John 2:1-11. Again, i have a few friends who would wish for such a miracle and will take occasional glimpses at the two gee-pee tanks outside their houses filled with water for domestic use. Some of us however in today's Lagos would probably have begged Jesus to change the water in our boreholes to crude oil instead of wine, if we had the chance. Man must chop and it seems crude oil is worth more to Nigerians than wine.

Now to His death at the time at the young age of 33. Another remarkable angle to the story of Jesus. It wasn't quick and painless, it was calculated, slow, sadistic and excruciatingly painful. He was killed by the same people he had spent his life healing, feeding and ministering to. He was killed like a common criminal and even  Pontius Pilate thought it was strange that He was being put to death, so much so that he asked the people, who they wanted released to them and they passed on their last chance to prevent His death. They chose an armed bandit over Jesus! It is said that at that time crucifixion was the 'worst' death and only the worst criminals were condemned to be crucified. And you begin to wonder, what exactly Jesus' crime was, to be hated so much as to be killed in such a depraved manner. His only crime was Love. It is said that each of the nails that were rammed into his hands and feet were between 6 and 8 inches long. In centimeters, that comes to about 15 - 20cm. Now in medicine, we use the width of a finger as measuring 2cm, now put your 2 hands side by side so your 8 fingers align, that's just 16cm so you can have a fair idea of the sizes of the nails we used on Jesus. He was there for 3 hours and at some point He stopped bleeding as only water poured from His wounds. Medically, that scares me as i know exsanguination is a terrible way to die but to have water pour from wounds takes it to a different level. All this was after He had been whipped so severely and made to carry the cross for almost two kilometers. Science believes that no adult human man could have survived the torture and would have died even before the crucifixion. All that, for Love.

Have you ever wondered what was so special about you and i that made Christ bear all that. Even at death, He still didn't curse us, He was committed to conquering death and did. Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Jesus had suddenly said, Okay, i'm not doing again? Have you ever wondered if what would have happened if Jesus was Nigerian in this current era? Do you really think He would have continued in the pain? His only crime was Love.

Christians in Nigeria today are just as remarkable. They are religious and hypocritical. We talk the talk but never practice that which we preach. How many of us will die for another presently in Nigeria, in the name of love? Even the Yoruba adage says 'If a fire burns you and your child, you dust the fire off yourself first before you attend to your child'. A friend of mine was driving somewhere in Surulere with his girlfriend, a girl he had professed his love to on several occasions. A few minutes later, gunshots rang in the air and in a flash, my nice friend had jumped down and taken to his heels leaving his lady distraught and utterly confused and of course, alone. I had a good laugh as he narrated the incident to me and when i reprimanded him for leaving this partner there, his response was 'Wole,abeg leave that thing, if dem shoot me there and i die, she no go remarry?'. Interesting. I don't blame him really as science has described humans as self preservatory, we have the 'fight or flight' hormones. It is reflex meaning the action occurs at spinal level i.e it doesn't require the brain, we don't process it, it just comes and we flee or fight as the case may be. Jesus however, surrendered His 'fight and flight' and disproved all our laws of nature.

Nigerians to me are the most heartless fellows currently on the face of the earth, even though i acknowledge there are a few millions that actually compassionate. We have seen Nigerians do good deeds at their own expense but surely the wickedness among and around us floors the compassion. From the President and Legislators who earn billions at the expense of dead and dying population who can't afford good food, good healthcare and good roads. To the contractor who uses substandard materials to construct buildings and roads so as to maximize profit and is consequently responsible for the demise of victims of the collapse of such structures. To the Danfo driver and Okada rider on the roads of Lagos who for the crave of making maximum profit will endanger the lives of passengers and other road users. To the businessman who imports fake and adulterated drugs hence condemning diabetics and hypertensives to their premature deaths. To the policeman who for a few extra thousand naira 'leases' out his rifle to unscrupulous elements to commit robberies and murders. The truth is most Nigerians have no respect for the sanctity of human life. We place little or no value watsoever on human life. After-all another Yoruba adage says 'If one person's own doesn't spoil, another person's own cannot be good'. These are the ideologies that most Nigerians live by. Sheer wickedness and overt selfishness and a helpless slavery to money and material wealth. Is it not amazing that on almost every street in Lagos, there is a church or a place of worship yet societal ills are at all-time highs and are still surging? Yet, these churches are always filled up....

Mahatma Gandhi once said 'I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your  Christ'. I certainly see some reason in what he said, and i sometimes wonder if he was passing through Nigeria when he made that statement.

In the mean time, let us take everyday as Easter and remember the selflessness of Jesus. He didn't just define love,He was Love! Let us remember to always emulate this remarkable character of a Man and let people see Jesus on the display picture of our lives by the way we live not merely on our smart-phones. The world would certainly be a better place.

Happy Easter Celebrations.

Mohammed, Abati & Cheap Shots

 Globally, politics and politicians remain intriguing and dramatic. Nigerian politics certainly gives a new meaning to this intrigue as our politicians never cease to amuse us. Every fledgling and geriatric democratic system has a ruling and an opposition party. British Conservatives have Labour and Liberal parties, America's Democrats have Republicans, Russia has United Russia, Communist Party and Liberal Democrats, South Africa's ANC has the Democratic Alliance and of course,our dear and loving PDP has the ACN and CPC.

Opposition parties play a vital role in calling the ruling party to order in the event that the latter tends towards high-handedness or begins to make anti-people policies. I therefore appreciate the importance of such bodies as we have come to discover from history that 'absolute power corrupts absolutely'. Nigeria however is a peculiar playing field as, depending on the time, season and the people involved, it may become a daunting task to try to differentiate oppositions from alliances. In our current political era, PDP's only apparent opposition party is the ACN, some will make cases for CPC and ANPP but honestly these parties have not succeeded in breaking tribal divides and thus remain 'regional' parties i.e confined to the Northern part of Nigeria.

Since it was founded in 2006, the ACN has progressively thrived in the west and has grown in stature and follower-ship. Even though it has really not edged the CPC as the strongest opposition party, it has definitely established itself as the most vociferous. ACN currently rules in 6 Nigerian states and the emergence of the party as a force has been credited to the enigmatic Asiwaju Ahmed Bola Tinubu. The National Publicity Secretary, Alhaji Lai Mohammed, however does not cease to amuse me personally. Each time i catch his interviews either in the print or electronic media, i am always enthralled at his choice of words and delivery. This is however not very surprising as Alhaji Mohammed is a trained linguist and legal practitioner, i understand he holds graduate degrees from both Uni of Lagos and Uni of Ife (Now OAU). He is the man charged with laundering the image of the ACN and on the other hand soiling adequately the name of the PDP (not that they need much help doing that anyway). Recently, there has been a lot of friction between Mohammed and the Federal Government, he is always quick in the castigation of actions he deems unwholesome and ordinarily, should be the ideal Nigerian superhero.

Some weeks ago, it reached a climax and ultimately the Presidency reprimanded the ACN spokesman for disrespecting the sacred office of Dr Jonathan. Our dear erudite Presidential mouthpiece in the person of Dr Reuben Abati, did not mince words in setting Mohammed straight and sternly warned him to desist from any further attacks on the respectable person of our President. To me, it was all comical as the Abati-Mohammed face-off continued. I knew it was just a matter of time before the two mudslingers engaged in another verbal duel as it now seemed like an erotically rewarding pastime for both men. Over the weekend, reports suggested that President Jonathan solicited a 'bribe' in the form of a church building from an international contractor and i waited eagerly to hear from Mohammed. Alas, i was not disappointed as he promptly urged the National Assembly to initiate impeachment proceedings against Mr President. Abati, also in a bid not to look inefficient and somnolent, fired back. He advised the opposition to engage in more intelligent activities and desist from distracting Uncle Ebele from the serious business of governance. They continue to call themselves all sorts of names and continue to entertain professional bench-warmers like me.

To me, both men are starting to sound like broken records. Their sworn enmity now looks and feels like a pitiable and demeaning battle for relevance and are starting to bore a lot of Nigerians. If the ACN truly had the interest of Nigerians at heart, maybe they should have thought twice before jumping into bed with the PDP a few days before the April 2011 general elections. The prodigal offspring of that illicit and demonic affair is the monster Nigerians wake up to everyday. The ACN had the chance to probably save Nigerians a lot of heartache and insomnia but selfishly dined and danced with he devil. Their bickering over the actions and blatant blunders of the ruling party to me, is clearly a futile attempt at self redemption. Maybe if they had not embarked on that journey to Abuja on the eve of the elections,Nuhu Ribadu would have scooped a few more votes and maybe, just maybe, the PDP would have had a harder time defeating their closest rivals at the polls. Lai Mohammed is an old warhorse, he took an unsuccessful shot at the Kwara State top job in 2002 and has managed to prance about the party since then. Abati, on the other hand is a scholar who has now realized he needs to secure a good pension plan and has thus sold his soul to the demons he once fought gallantly.

As for the bad-blood between the two learned but seemingly bored dance partners, my candid advice to them would be ''Gentlemen, please kiss and make up, smile for the camera and say 'Cheese''.

Innocent Idibia & His Many Sides.

'If you are young and talented,its like you have wings'-H.Murakami.

Innocent Idibia certainly had wings and fly he did. Starting a music career from a city like Enugu in Eastern Nigeria can be really tough. One of the many reasons i have a lot of respect for Innocent 'Tuface' Idibia. Love him or hate him, he is definitely a household name and a force to be reckoned with in the Nigerian music circuit. Emerging as the most viable and virile member of the group Plantashun Boiz has simply been as a result of the exceptional talent of the Idoma born crooner. No flukes, just raw ambition, drive, hard-work and above all, talent.

Nigeria as a nation is riddled with fantastic musical talents, Tuface however has carved his niche as an artiste as he appears to be the most complete of his contemporaries. He's blessed vocally, he holds an audience while performing live on stage, he has a great personality and the ladies adore him. He is certainly one of Nigeria's finest. Accolades have poured in locally and globally by way of countless awards and i dare say he's deserving of every piece of carving and plaque he ever got.

As a naive young man in 1996, he was tapped up by Kennis Music and there's been no looking back since then. He remains the only real talent the owners of Kennis Music ever discovered and remains the best decision that music outfit made. Frankly, Eedris, Jaywon, Essence, KSB, Tony Tetuila and their fellow untalented cohorts really just wasted time and energy as till this day i believe they can't and will not sing well enough to save their own lives. Just my opinion though, you may choose to think otherwise. Discovering Tuface set a standard for the management of Kennis Music, a standard that eventually overwhelmed even them.

Little wonder, he probably has the most number of international collaborations, having worked with R-Kelly, Wyclef, Beenie Man and Akon. For the 'Hands Across The World' Project, he was one of the elite African acts and he certainly lived up to the expectations as Nigeria's finest export in his generation. At 36, Tuface has earned his place among the A-list artistes and continues to blaze the trail.

A side of this enigmatic fellow however  that i am yet to understand is his seeming weakness for the female folk. Tuface literally and figuratively loves women and makes no secret of this. I can understand why women love him just as much as he does them. His level of cool and his dress sense for me remain top notch and maybe qualities that endear him to the women. He never gets it wrong when he dresses up and has a way with cloths, they just fit! However, the women seem to totally throw Mr Idibia into an acute confusional state anytime they smile or come on to him. He recently proposed, on Valentine's Day, to one of his regular baby factories, in the person of the delectable Annie Macauley. I was shocked as a matter of fact, i'm sure even Tuface got home that night and looked at the mirror long and hard and eventually went to bed reassuring himself repeatedly that 'nothing dey happen'. I was shocked because earlier in the year, we got wind of reports that Tuface was expecting his 6th child from another custodian of his loins in the person of Pero Adeniyi. I was thus surprised that a short period after he was proposing. Call me old fashioned, but i thought he would be committed to Annie and ONLY Annie for at least a year before popping the golden question.

Annie Macauley must really be an understanding woman. I don't know a lot of women who would accept a marriage proposal from a regular Nigerian guyman a few months after the whole estate, talk less of country, heard he just procreated with another woman, but then again, its Tuface. He has such powers and prowess. I found it rather disturbing though because judging from Tubaba's antecedents, he seems like he's not done with trips to the labour ward. The man's just 36, he's just hitting his sexual prime and then he seems to age like wine, getting finer as the years seat lightly on him. The sexual offers will definitely flood in and a lot of my friends proffered excuses for Tuface, saying he may have changed and has become 'responsible'. Time will tell but if he consciously slept and impregnated Pero only a few months before realizing Annie was the one then i think that talk is gibberish. For Annie's sake though, i hope he really has 'changed'. I must however pen my slight disappointment in Annie. No, not for looking desperate to tie the knot with Tuface but for her below par performance as a South-South damsel. Akwa Ibom women are generally renowned for their man-keeping expertise. They say they are groomed to be the ideal partner thus ensuring their men are holistically satisfied and thus remain at home. How she let Tuface wander off the leash into the bosom of Pero Adeniyi and Sumbo Ajaba  beats me! I hope she has however gone back to her roots for 're-dedication' as she embarks on this journey with the insatiable sex god.

A lot of comedians have teased Tuface about his strong aversion for condoms and have gone ahead to attribute this 'allergy' to his population boom. What bothers me about this isn't the number of babies he has produced, it is the chances of infection with STD's and ultimately HIV from high risk behavior, in this case multiple sexual partners. MSP's with whom, apparently, he habitually has unprotected intercourse with, as evidenced of course by the ever growing family tree of Tuface. Ironically, however, Tuface runs an NGO called Tuface Idibia Reach-Out Foundation. The NGO i hear has been active in AIDS activism. Interesting, considering his lifestyle doesn't particularly fit into his project. The ABC of prevention a lot of us know is A-Abstinence B-Be Faithful C-Condoms. Tuface neither abstains from sex nor is he faithful,well until lately, to one partner and he apparently doesn't believe in using condoms either. So i'm confused, where exactly does he stand on the issue.

When its all said and done, Tuface remains one of my favorite male vocalists in the country. I'm always on the look out to see what fashion statement he makes each time he's on the red carpet. His music videos and collaborations remain mind-blowing and spell-bounding. Every upcoming artiste wishes to work with him, he's that much of a legend. He is however a man of many sides. My hypothesis is that he probably has a testosterone producing tumor somewhere in his anatomy. We will however never know until he submits himself to radiological investigation.

He has certainly changed the orientation of a lot of seemingly marriage-seeking desperados. Gone are the days of 'i don get belle-we must marry', with Tubaba, he'll gladly take his baby and ask you to take another turn on the queue. He pioneered a revolution. Truly, 'nothing dey happen'.

As a parting shot, i strongly believe and advice, that the people of Benue should nominate Mr Innocent Idibia as the state's representative on the board of the National Population Commission. Such selfless and unrelenting service should not go unnoticed and unrewarded. Mr Idibia can also like to avoid emigrating to China, i doubt they'll ever give him a visa if he ever needs to produce his paternity records to secure one.

Long Live Tuface!

Between Dapo, Micheal & Kanye.

The Music industry in Nigeria has witnessed unprecedented growth in the recent years. We have grown musically in terms of quality of production and marketability of our works. Maybe we are still a little retarded in terms of lyrical content but we have definitely mastered how to get a party rocking. The growth we have experienced i believe may be attributed to the meteoric rise of talented music producers as Micheal Collins 'Don Jazzy' Ajereh, Samklef, TY Mix, OJB Jezreel, Cobhams Asuquo to name a few.

A lot of us give credit, though understandably, to the performing artiste. After all, its their voice we hear and its their song we dance to. Unfortunately, we relegate the real heroes, the music producers to the background. Don Jazzy however has been one of the hybrid producers who manage to remain in the limelight just as much as his artistes. I presume this might be due to the fact that his prime act, Mr D'banj doesn't particularly have the mental capacity to say anything intelligible thus his seeming dependence on the Don Jazzy figure.

It takes a genius to sell records produced by acts like D'banj, D'Prince and K-Switch. Since 2004 when the Mr Kokomaster concept was unleashed on Nigerians, D'banj has honestly enjoyed a lot of airplay and patronage and has built an expansive fan base both locally and internationally. But as far as i know, there can be no D'banj without Don Jazzy. I read a few weeks ago as a matter of fact on the raving social media that D'banj - Don Jazzy = Durella! I totally agree.

Let us take a close look and listen to the most melodious tunes D'banj gave us as extremely bored Nigerians. Listen to the track 'Koko' and ask yourself if it really made sense to you. He said 'what is the koko...who is the koko....' and goes on to try to elucidate what really the 'koko' meant. Honestly, if the song made sense to you, i think you should have a mental state evaluation. The song was however a hit, why? The Midas touch of Don Jazzy. For all you know, Timaya or Terry G could have rhymed on that beat and still made a bigger hit. It was all about the beat. Then fast forward to hits like 'Socor' and 'Funk you up'....still not very challenging items in terms of content but we still danced. Up till the critically acclaimed 'Entertainer' album of 2008 where D'banj himself in the tenth track of the album titled 'Entertainer' attested to the fact that he could not sing but he was an entertainer. No doubt he had very good songs, 'Mo bo lo won', 'Fall in love', 'Loke' and 'Suddenly'  being my favorite personally.

If D'banj's seeming success doesn't convince you of Don Jazzy's genius, what about D'Prince? It amazes me when i find myself, as many other Nigerians, humming and even dancing to lyrics as senseless as those of D'Prince. From 'Jonzing world' to 'Give it to me', we all hailed D'Prince. Now ask yourself what you'd do when your first son tells you his role model intellectually is D'Prince. I'll wake up from the bad dream.

Don Jazzy i understand is a seasoned drummer and guitarist. He has tried his hand on vocals also and i think his calling remains producing cosmopolitan beats. Recently, Twitter has been agog with rumors of a split between the two associates. The argument has been who of the two would be worse off by the break-up. I have read arguments for and against either as the backbone of Mo-hits and i appreciate all the views I've read thus far. I am however tempted to believe the only losers in the fracas will be the bored young Nigerian generation that has swayed helplessly to the delicious tunes from the stables of D'banj-Don Jazzy.

Don Jazzy's not likely to lose because i believe as long as he's the only who produced all those songs for D'banj then i'm almost certain he'll churn out another superstar. It may take time but it will come. As long as he does not relent in mixing the best sounds, he'll get another 'entertainer'. It may not even take that long if he tunes in consistently to the auditions of the myriad reality music TV shows i.e. Nigerian Idol, Glo Naija Sings or Project Fame. There are several 'entertainers' waiting for their big break.

Now to Mr Oyebanjo. Ironically, he's not going to lose out to. Incredibly enough though if he is judged by his IQ as a person. He is however taking a risk, the risk being marketing himself to a 'not as bored' American audience. It is a dangerous risk but one that if it clicks will blow him beyond his dreams. With Kanye West and the Illuminati connection, its certainly possible. On the hand, i doubt if Kanye will make a beat we the bored Nigerian masses will jump up and dance to. We are in the 'knack you akpako' era and i'll love to see a Kanye beat start and rock a party in Ajegunle. Again, D'banj has built a brand and his endorsements may keep him afloat for sometime while he plans his next move. But i'll advice him, don't try the 'do you know the koko' line with the Americans, they might not swallow it and may resort to Google 'koko' just to tackle the poor boy. Maybe the harmonica may also give him a soft landing as i believe the future of music is in instruments. And we can't forget his 'youth leader' romance with Mr President. That too will count for something eventually as long as Baba Shoes remains in power.

Finally, D'banj and Don Jazzy splitting was just a matter of time. Egos have grown since the days of face-caps and tight tees. D'banj has evolved and its certainly understandable if he feels larger than life.

No worry Collins, the grass is always greener on the other side. Keep doing your thing, you've certainly made your mark.

An Ailing Entity

A few hours ago, President Pal Schmitt of Hungary, resigned his post as the top citizen of his nation. He cited the recent stripping off of his doctorate degree on the grounds of plagiarism as the reason for his decision. Plagiarism i understand means the act of presenting a piece of writing copied from someone else as your own. To the 69 year old one time Olympic gold winning President, this was grave enough an indictment to leave office for. He copied someone's work and submitted it to earn a doctorate degree. Dishonest! Deceitful! Shameful!

I read the story and re-read it again. He copied someone's writing, earned a degree and now he has resigned as President. Criminal!

Enter Mr Christian Wulff, the former President of Germany who resigned in February 2012. He was another blatant criminal. I will tell you his offence. He took a loan from his millionaire friend in 2008 to buy a house and at some point he was asked about the transaction and he denied it. He lied! Dishonest! Deceitful! Shameful!

Mr Wulff, did not however steal the money, he only borrowed money from his friend who was a millionaire. Again, i read and re-read his story. He wanted a house, he had a millionaire friend who could lend him the money and he, for whatever reason, lied about collecting such a loan and now he has resigned as President. Criminal!

On August 8 1974, President Richard Nixon read out a resignation speech to the American people. His crime? I could not lay my hands on any. He realised he had lost the political support and the confidence of the American people. He didn't plagiarize or lend money from a willing millionaire friend. He just appreciated the fact that he was not satisfying the folks who had democratically brought him to power. Shameful!

Integrity is defined simply as moral soundness. To me the common crime committed by these three men was 'integrity'. Albert Einstein said 'Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters, cannot be trusted  with important matters'. Even the Bible infers something similar about he who is dishonest with small things cannot be trusted and is likely to be dishonest with the big things.

Let us do a small mental exercise and swap the principal actors in the three above-stated scenarios with our good old Nigerians. I'm guessing you chuckled just as i did.

Senator Mohammed Ali Ndume, a serving Nigerian Senator representing Borno South was arrested some months back on allegations of dirty dancing with the now dreaded Boko Haram sect. He is not a man new to the Legislative arm of government having served as a Member of Parliament for 8years from 2003 to 2011. While in detention, Senator Ndume allegedly pointed fingers at the current Vice President. He claims Mr VP is in the know of his romance with the terrorist organisation. To me, this sounds like a confession, the man just  admitted a few people know of his sin. It is like a man accused of stealing a goat and he says 'Haba,even Baba Iyabo saw me walking down the road with the missing goat'. Yet, we are still investigating and the man is still a sitting legislator who formulates laws for sane people. He still earns his 'jumbo pay' and full perks of office. Even our number 2 citizen still bounces around town living large, that he has been named as a conspirator does not bother any of the sane 160 million people he 'leads'.

In September 2007, a seasoned hairdresser in the person of the then Speaker, Mrs Patricia Etteh, was accused of misappropriating $5m in the infamous furniture allowance scandal. Till date, Mrs Etteh remains a sitting 'lawmaker'. More than four years later, she remains a 'distinguished' Member of the Nigerian Parliament.Senator Iyiola Omisore, was docked for allegedly partaking in the murder of Chief Bola Ige, he did not only win elections from the jail cell, he also served as a Senator till 2009 when an election tribunal annulled his election. Integrity did not prevail on either to vacate office honorably.

Most recently, Mr Herman Hembe and the delectably elegant Ms Arunma Oteh gave us the best of Nollywood's show of shame by publicly trading corruption allegations. Though Brother Hembe resigned as the Chairman of that committee, he remains a serving 'lawmaker'. There are several others, at all levels of government and at the 3 tiers of government.

Nigerian office holders are remarkably shameless and are entirely devoid of any iota of integrity. What's the big deal in soiling a name they will ask you. As long as the credit alerts keep flying in and the jumbo pay remains untouched. It saddens me that Caucasians will leave public office at the slightest perception of wrongdoing while ours remain there even after indictment. I often ask my friends if the same God created these white folks and Nigerians. It beats my imagination that we remain recalcitrant and refractory in our shamelessness.

A popular dog trainer once said 'I believe in integrity, dogs have it...human beings sometimes lack it'. Maybe its time we learnt from the dogs and the few good men like Chinua Achebe.