Love Like None Other

Its that time of the year again, when Nigerians and indeed the whole world find reasons to smile and be 'their brothers keeper'. That time of the year when the average Nigerian civil servant gets a few days off and enjoys another national public holiday. That time of the year when the malls and beaches are engorged with fun-seeking people and the excitement in the air is almost palpable. That time of the year when all your BlackBerry contacts change their display pictures to those of Jesus Christ and publicly declare their wanton love and gratitude for the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made at Calvary. Even if its just for 24hours, Jesus gets our display picture slot, the only other day being Christmas day. Easter certainly is one of the biggest festivities in the Christian calender and the whole essence of this sojourn on Earth is to make that sacrifice count after all is said and done.

Jesus Christ is certainly the most remarkable personality ever recorded in history. Everything from His birth to His death and His resurrection remains enthralling. First, born of a virgin in a manger, even though as the Son of The Most High God, could have been birthed in the fanciest and most classy 7 star hospital Bethlehem had. Next, He grew up into an exceptional man and went on His ministry of good news and salvation, He healed people and raised the dead. Till date, my most captivating miracle story, apart from the ones that involved raising dead people, remains the story of 5,000 men fed with five loaves and two fish. The 5,000 of course, being with the exception of women and children. Human comprehension will never see explain these things as, modestly speaking, i have met average guys in their mid 20's who would conveniently consume five loaves of Agege bread and two pieces of fish at a sitting. You can then understand my captivation by this act of love by my Jesus. Another spell-bounding act was the turning of water to wine at the wedding at Cana Galilee as recorded in John 2:1-11. Again, i have a few friends who would wish for such a miracle and will take occasional glimpses at the two gee-pee tanks outside their houses filled with water for domestic use. Some of us however in today's Lagos would probably have begged Jesus to change the water in our boreholes to crude oil instead of wine, if we had the chance. Man must chop and it seems crude oil is worth more to Nigerians than wine.

Now to His death at the time at the young age of 33. Another remarkable angle to the story of Jesus. It wasn't quick and painless, it was calculated, slow, sadistic and excruciatingly painful. He was killed by the same people he had spent his life healing, feeding and ministering to. He was killed like a common criminal and even  Pontius Pilate thought it was strange that He was being put to death, so much so that he asked the people, who they wanted released to them and they passed on their last chance to prevent His death. They chose an armed bandit over Jesus! It is said that at that time crucifixion was the 'worst' death and only the worst criminals were condemned to be crucified. And you begin to wonder, what exactly Jesus' crime was, to be hated so much as to be killed in such a depraved manner. His only crime was Love. It is said that each of the nails that were rammed into his hands and feet were between 6 and 8 inches long. In centimeters, that comes to about 15 - 20cm. Now in medicine, we use the width of a finger as measuring 2cm, now put your 2 hands side by side so your 8 fingers align, that's just 16cm so you can have a fair idea of the sizes of the nails we used on Jesus. He was there for 3 hours and at some point He stopped bleeding as only water poured from His wounds. Medically, that scares me as i know exsanguination is a terrible way to die but to have water pour from wounds takes it to a different level. All this was after He had been whipped so severely and made to carry the cross for almost two kilometers. Science believes that no adult human man could have survived the torture and would have died even before the crucifixion. All that, for Love.

Have you ever wondered what was so special about you and i that made Christ bear all that. Even at death, He still didn't curse us, He was committed to conquering death and did. Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Jesus had suddenly said, Okay, i'm not doing again? Have you ever wondered if what would have happened if Jesus was Nigerian in this current era? Do you really think He would have continued in the pain? His only crime was Love.

Christians in Nigeria today are just as remarkable. They are religious and hypocritical. We talk the talk but never practice that which we preach. How many of us will die for another presently in Nigeria, in the name of love? Even the Yoruba adage says 'If a fire burns you and your child, you dust the fire off yourself first before you attend to your child'. A friend of mine was driving somewhere in Surulere with his girlfriend, a girl he had professed his love to on several occasions. A few minutes later, gunshots rang in the air and in a flash, my nice friend had jumped down and taken to his heels leaving his lady distraught and utterly confused and of course, alone. I had a good laugh as he narrated the incident to me and when i reprimanded him for leaving this partner there, his response was 'Wole,abeg leave that thing, if dem shoot me there and i die, she no go remarry?'. Interesting. I don't blame him really as science has described humans as self preservatory, we have the 'fight or flight' hormones. It is reflex meaning the action occurs at spinal level i.e it doesn't require the brain, we don't process it, it just comes and we flee or fight as the case may be. Jesus however, surrendered His 'fight and flight' and disproved all our laws of nature.

Nigerians to me are the most heartless fellows currently on the face of the earth, even though i acknowledge there are a few millions that actually compassionate. We have seen Nigerians do good deeds at their own expense but surely the wickedness among and around us floors the compassion. From the President and Legislators who earn billions at the expense of dead and dying population who can't afford good food, good healthcare and good roads. To the contractor who uses substandard materials to construct buildings and roads so as to maximize profit and is consequently responsible for the demise of victims of the collapse of such structures. To the Danfo driver and Okada rider on the roads of Lagos who for the crave of making maximum profit will endanger the lives of passengers and other road users. To the businessman who imports fake and adulterated drugs hence condemning diabetics and hypertensives to their premature deaths. To the policeman who for a few extra thousand naira 'leases' out his rifle to unscrupulous elements to commit robberies and murders. The truth is most Nigerians have no respect for the sanctity of human life. We place little or no value watsoever on human life. After-all another Yoruba adage says 'If one person's own doesn't spoil, another person's own cannot be good'. These are the ideologies that most Nigerians live by. Sheer wickedness and overt selfishness and a helpless slavery to money and material wealth. Is it not amazing that on almost every street in Lagos, there is a church or a place of worship yet societal ills are at all-time highs and are still surging? Yet, these churches are always filled up....

Mahatma Gandhi once said 'I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your  Christ'. I certainly see some reason in what he said, and i sometimes wonder if he was passing through Nigeria when he made that statement.

In the mean time, let us take everyday as Easter and remember the selflessness of Jesus. He didn't just define love,He was Love! Let us remember to always emulate this remarkable character of a Man and let people see Jesus on the display picture of our lives by the way we live not merely on our smart-phones. The world would certainly be a better place.

Happy Easter Celebrations.

Mohammed, Abati & Cheap Shots

 Globally, politics and politicians remain intriguing and dramatic. Nigerian politics certainly gives a new meaning to this intrigue as our politicians never cease to amuse us. Every fledgling and geriatric democratic system has a ruling and an opposition party. British Conservatives have Labour and Liberal parties, America's Democrats have Republicans, Russia has United Russia, Communist Party and Liberal Democrats, South Africa's ANC has the Democratic Alliance and of course,our dear and loving PDP has the ACN and CPC.

Opposition parties play a vital role in calling the ruling party to order in the event that the latter tends towards high-handedness or begins to make anti-people policies. I therefore appreciate the importance of such bodies as we have come to discover from history that 'absolute power corrupts absolutely'. Nigeria however is a peculiar playing field as, depending on the time, season and the people involved, it may become a daunting task to try to differentiate oppositions from alliances. In our current political era, PDP's only apparent opposition party is the ACN, some will make cases for CPC and ANPP but honestly these parties have not succeeded in breaking tribal divides and thus remain 'regional' parties i.e confined to the Northern part of Nigeria.

Since it was founded in 2006, the ACN has progressively thrived in the west and has grown in stature and follower-ship. Even though it has really not edged the CPC as the strongest opposition party, it has definitely established itself as the most vociferous. ACN currently rules in 6 Nigerian states and the emergence of the party as a force has been credited to the enigmatic Asiwaju Ahmed Bola Tinubu. The National Publicity Secretary, Alhaji Lai Mohammed, however does not cease to amuse me personally. Each time i catch his interviews either in the print or electronic media, i am always enthralled at his choice of words and delivery. This is however not very surprising as Alhaji Mohammed is a trained linguist and legal practitioner, i understand he holds graduate degrees from both Uni of Lagos and Uni of Ife (Now OAU). He is the man charged with laundering the image of the ACN and on the other hand soiling adequately the name of the PDP (not that they need much help doing that anyway). Recently, there has been a lot of friction between Mohammed and the Federal Government, he is always quick in the castigation of actions he deems unwholesome and ordinarily, should be the ideal Nigerian superhero.

Some weeks ago, it reached a climax and ultimately the Presidency reprimanded the ACN spokesman for disrespecting the sacred office of Dr Jonathan. Our dear erudite Presidential mouthpiece in the person of Dr Reuben Abati, did not mince words in setting Mohammed straight and sternly warned him to desist from any further attacks on the respectable person of our President. To me, it was all comical as the Abati-Mohammed face-off continued. I knew it was just a matter of time before the two mudslingers engaged in another verbal duel as it now seemed like an erotically rewarding pastime for both men. Over the weekend, reports suggested that President Jonathan solicited a 'bribe' in the form of a church building from an international contractor and i waited eagerly to hear from Mohammed. Alas, i was not disappointed as he promptly urged the National Assembly to initiate impeachment proceedings against Mr President. Abati, also in a bid not to look inefficient and somnolent, fired back. He advised the opposition to engage in more intelligent activities and desist from distracting Uncle Ebele from the serious business of governance. They continue to call themselves all sorts of names and continue to entertain professional bench-warmers like me.

To me, both men are starting to sound like broken records. Their sworn enmity now looks and feels like a pitiable and demeaning battle for relevance and are starting to bore a lot of Nigerians. If the ACN truly had the interest of Nigerians at heart, maybe they should have thought twice before jumping into bed with the PDP a few days before the April 2011 general elections. The prodigal offspring of that illicit and demonic affair is the monster Nigerians wake up to everyday. The ACN had the chance to probably save Nigerians a lot of heartache and insomnia but selfishly dined and danced with he devil. Their bickering over the actions and blatant blunders of the ruling party to me, is clearly a futile attempt at self redemption. Maybe if they had not embarked on that journey to Abuja on the eve of the elections,Nuhu Ribadu would have scooped a few more votes and maybe, just maybe, the PDP would have had a harder time defeating their closest rivals at the polls. Lai Mohammed is an old warhorse, he took an unsuccessful shot at the Kwara State top job in 2002 and has managed to prance about the party since then. Abati, on the other hand is a scholar who has now realized he needs to secure a good pension plan and has thus sold his soul to the demons he once fought gallantly.

As for the bad-blood between the two learned but seemingly bored dance partners, my candid advice to them would be ''Gentlemen, please kiss and make up, smile for the camera and say 'Cheese''.

Innocent Idibia & His Many Sides.

'If you are young and talented,its like you have wings'-H.Murakami.

Innocent Idibia certainly had wings and fly he did. Starting a music career from a city like Enugu in Eastern Nigeria can be really tough. One of the many reasons i have a lot of respect for Innocent 'Tuface' Idibia. Love him or hate him, he is definitely a household name and a force to be reckoned with in the Nigerian music circuit. Emerging as the most viable and virile member of the group Plantashun Boiz has simply been as a result of the exceptional talent of the Idoma born crooner. No flukes, just raw ambition, drive, hard-work and above all, talent.

Nigeria as a nation is riddled with fantastic musical talents, Tuface however has carved his niche as an artiste as he appears to be the most complete of his contemporaries. He's blessed vocally, he holds an audience while performing live on stage, he has a great personality and the ladies adore him. He is certainly one of Nigeria's finest. Accolades have poured in locally and globally by way of countless awards and i dare say he's deserving of every piece of carving and plaque he ever got.

As a naive young man in 1996, he was tapped up by Kennis Music and there's been no looking back since then. He remains the only real talent the owners of Kennis Music ever discovered and remains the best decision that music outfit made. Frankly, Eedris, Jaywon, Essence, KSB, Tony Tetuila and their fellow untalented cohorts really just wasted time and energy as till this day i believe they can't and will not sing well enough to save their own lives. Just my opinion though, you may choose to think otherwise. Discovering Tuface set a standard for the management of Kennis Music, a standard that eventually overwhelmed even them.

Little wonder, he probably has the most number of international collaborations, having worked with R-Kelly, Wyclef, Beenie Man and Akon. For the 'Hands Across The World' Project, he was one of the elite African acts and he certainly lived up to the expectations as Nigeria's finest export in his generation. At 36, Tuface has earned his place among the A-list artistes and continues to blaze the trail.

A side of this enigmatic fellow however  that i am yet to understand is his seeming weakness for the female folk. Tuface literally and figuratively loves women and makes no secret of this. I can understand why women love him just as much as he does them. His level of cool and his dress sense for me remain top notch and maybe qualities that endear him to the women. He never gets it wrong when he dresses up and has a way with cloths, they just fit! However, the women seem to totally throw Mr Idibia into an acute confusional state anytime they smile or come on to him. He recently proposed, on Valentine's Day, to one of his regular baby factories, in the person of the delectable Annie Macauley. I was shocked as a matter of fact, i'm sure even Tuface got home that night and looked at the mirror long and hard and eventually went to bed reassuring himself repeatedly that 'nothing dey happen'. I was shocked because earlier in the year, we got wind of reports that Tuface was expecting his 6th child from another custodian of his loins in the person of Pero Adeniyi. I was thus surprised that a short period after he was proposing. Call me old fashioned, but i thought he would be committed to Annie and ONLY Annie for at least a year before popping the golden question.

Annie Macauley must really be an understanding woman. I don't know a lot of women who would accept a marriage proposal from a regular Nigerian guyman a few months after the whole estate, talk less of country, heard he just procreated with another woman, but then again, its Tuface. He has such powers and prowess. I found it rather disturbing though because judging from Tubaba's antecedents, he seems like he's not done with trips to the labour ward. The man's just 36, he's just hitting his sexual prime and then he seems to age like wine, getting finer as the years seat lightly on him. The sexual offers will definitely flood in and a lot of my friends proffered excuses for Tuface, saying he may have changed and has become 'responsible'. Time will tell but if he consciously slept and impregnated Pero only a few months before realizing Annie was the one then i think that talk is gibberish. For Annie's sake though, i hope he really has 'changed'. I must however pen my slight disappointment in Annie. No, not for looking desperate to tie the knot with Tuface but for her below par performance as a South-South damsel. Akwa Ibom women are generally renowned for their man-keeping expertise. They say they are groomed to be the ideal partner thus ensuring their men are holistically satisfied and thus remain at home. How she let Tuface wander off the leash into the bosom of Pero Adeniyi and Sumbo Ajaba  beats me! I hope she has however gone back to her roots for 're-dedication' as she embarks on this journey with the insatiable sex god.

A lot of comedians have teased Tuface about his strong aversion for condoms and have gone ahead to attribute this 'allergy' to his population boom. What bothers me about this isn't the number of babies he has produced, it is the chances of infection with STD's and ultimately HIV from high risk behavior, in this case multiple sexual partners. MSP's with whom, apparently, he habitually has unprotected intercourse with, as evidenced of course by the ever growing family tree of Tuface. Ironically, however, Tuface runs an NGO called Tuface Idibia Reach-Out Foundation. The NGO i hear has been active in AIDS activism. Interesting, considering his lifestyle doesn't particularly fit into his project. The ABC of prevention a lot of us know is A-Abstinence B-Be Faithful C-Condoms. Tuface neither abstains from sex nor is he faithful,well until lately, to one partner and he apparently doesn't believe in using condoms either. So i'm confused, where exactly does he stand on the issue.

When its all said and done, Tuface remains one of my favorite male vocalists in the country. I'm always on the look out to see what fashion statement he makes each time he's on the red carpet. His music videos and collaborations remain mind-blowing and spell-bounding. Every upcoming artiste wishes to work with him, he's that much of a legend. He is however a man of many sides. My hypothesis is that he probably has a testosterone producing tumor somewhere in his anatomy. We will however never know until he submits himself to radiological investigation.

He has certainly changed the orientation of a lot of seemingly marriage-seeking desperados. Gone are the days of 'i don get belle-we must marry', with Tubaba, he'll gladly take his baby and ask you to take another turn on the queue. He pioneered a revolution. Truly, 'nothing dey happen'.

As a parting shot, i strongly believe and advice, that the people of Benue should nominate Mr Innocent Idibia as the state's representative on the board of the National Population Commission. Such selfless and unrelenting service should not go unnoticed and unrewarded. Mr Idibia can also like to avoid emigrating to China, i doubt they'll ever give him a visa if he ever needs to produce his paternity records to secure one.

Long Live Tuface!

Between Dapo, Micheal & Kanye.

The Music industry in Nigeria has witnessed unprecedented growth in the recent years. We have grown musically in terms of quality of production and marketability of our works. Maybe we are still a little retarded in terms of lyrical content but we have definitely mastered how to get a party rocking. The growth we have experienced i believe may be attributed to the meteoric rise of talented music producers as Micheal Collins 'Don Jazzy' Ajereh, Samklef, TY Mix, OJB Jezreel, Cobhams Asuquo to name a few.

A lot of us give credit, though understandably, to the performing artiste. After all, its their voice we hear and its their song we dance to. Unfortunately, we relegate the real heroes, the music producers to the background. Don Jazzy however has been one of the hybrid producers who manage to remain in the limelight just as much as his artistes. I presume this might be due to the fact that his prime act, Mr D'banj doesn't particularly have the mental capacity to say anything intelligible thus his seeming dependence on the Don Jazzy figure.

It takes a genius to sell records produced by acts like D'banj, D'Prince and K-Switch. Since 2004 when the Mr Kokomaster concept was unleashed on Nigerians, D'banj has honestly enjoyed a lot of airplay and patronage and has built an expansive fan base both locally and internationally. But as far as i know, there can be no D'banj without Don Jazzy. I read a few weeks ago as a matter of fact on the raving social media that D'banj - Don Jazzy = Durella! I totally agree.

Let us take a close look and listen to the most melodious tunes D'banj gave us as extremely bored Nigerians. Listen to the track 'Koko' and ask yourself if it really made sense to you. He said 'what is the koko...who is the koko....' and goes on to try to elucidate what really the 'koko' meant. Honestly, if the song made sense to you, i think you should have a mental state evaluation. The song was however a hit, why? The Midas touch of Don Jazzy. For all you know, Timaya or Terry G could have rhymed on that beat and still made a bigger hit. It was all about the beat. Then fast forward to hits like 'Socor' and 'Funk you up'....still not very challenging items in terms of content but we still danced. Up till the critically acclaimed 'Entertainer' album of 2008 where D'banj himself in the tenth track of the album titled 'Entertainer' attested to the fact that he could not sing but he was an entertainer. No doubt he had very good songs, 'Mo bo lo won', 'Fall in love', 'Loke' and 'Suddenly'  being my favorite personally.

If D'banj's seeming success doesn't convince you of Don Jazzy's genius, what about D'Prince? It amazes me when i find myself, as many other Nigerians, humming and even dancing to lyrics as senseless as those of D'Prince. From 'Jonzing world' to 'Give it to me', we all hailed D'Prince. Now ask yourself what you'd do when your first son tells you his role model intellectually is D'Prince. I'll wake up from the bad dream.

Don Jazzy i understand is a seasoned drummer and guitarist. He has tried his hand on vocals also and i think his calling remains producing cosmopolitan beats. Recently, Twitter has been agog with rumors of a split between the two associates. The argument has been who of the two would be worse off by the break-up. I have read arguments for and against either as the backbone of Mo-hits and i appreciate all the views I've read thus far. I am however tempted to believe the only losers in the fracas will be the bored young Nigerian generation that has swayed helplessly to the delicious tunes from the stables of D'banj-Don Jazzy.

Don Jazzy's not likely to lose because i believe as long as he's the only who produced all those songs for D'banj then i'm almost certain he'll churn out another superstar. It may take time but it will come. As long as he does not relent in mixing the best sounds, he'll get another 'entertainer'. It may not even take that long if he tunes in consistently to the auditions of the myriad reality music TV shows i.e. Nigerian Idol, Glo Naija Sings or Project Fame. There are several 'entertainers' waiting for their big break.

Now to Mr Oyebanjo. Ironically, he's not going to lose out to. Incredibly enough though if he is judged by his IQ as a person. He is however taking a risk, the risk being marketing himself to a 'not as bored' American audience. It is a dangerous risk but one that if it clicks will blow him beyond his dreams. With Kanye West and the Illuminati connection, its certainly possible. On the hand, i doubt if Kanye will make a beat we the bored Nigerian masses will jump up and dance to. We are in the 'knack you akpako' era and i'll love to see a Kanye beat start and rock a party in Ajegunle. Again, D'banj has built a brand and his endorsements may keep him afloat for sometime while he plans his next move. But i'll advice him, don't try the 'do you know the koko' line with the Americans, they might not swallow it and may resort to Google 'koko' just to tackle the poor boy. Maybe the harmonica may also give him a soft landing as i believe the future of music is in instruments. And we can't forget his 'youth leader' romance with Mr President. That too will count for something eventually as long as Baba Shoes remains in power.

Finally, D'banj and Don Jazzy splitting was just a matter of time. Egos have grown since the days of face-caps and tight tees. D'banj has evolved and its certainly understandable if he feels larger than life.

No worry Collins, the grass is always greener on the other side. Keep doing your thing, you've certainly made your mark.

An Ailing Entity

A few hours ago, President Pal Schmitt of Hungary, resigned his post as the top citizen of his nation. He cited the recent stripping off of his doctorate degree on the grounds of plagiarism as the reason for his decision. Plagiarism i understand means the act of presenting a piece of writing copied from someone else as your own. To the 69 year old one time Olympic gold winning President, this was grave enough an indictment to leave office for. He copied someone's work and submitted it to earn a doctorate degree. Dishonest! Deceitful! Shameful!

I read the story and re-read it again. He copied someone's writing, earned a degree and now he has resigned as President. Criminal!

Enter Mr Christian Wulff, the former President of Germany who resigned in February 2012. He was another blatant criminal. I will tell you his offence. He took a loan from his millionaire friend in 2008 to buy a house and at some point he was asked about the transaction and he denied it. He lied! Dishonest! Deceitful! Shameful!

Mr Wulff, did not however steal the money, he only borrowed money from his friend who was a millionaire. Again, i read and re-read his story. He wanted a house, he had a millionaire friend who could lend him the money and he, for whatever reason, lied about collecting such a loan and now he has resigned as President. Criminal!

On August 8 1974, President Richard Nixon read out a resignation speech to the American people. His crime? I could not lay my hands on any. He realised he had lost the political support and the confidence of the American people. He didn't plagiarize or lend money from a willing millionaire friend. He just appreciated the fact that he was not satisfying the folks who had democratically brought him to power. Shameful!

Integrity is defined simply as moral soundness. To me the common crime committed by these three men was 'integrity'. Albert Einstein said 'Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters, cannot be trusted  with important matters'. Even the Bible infers something similar about he who is dishonest with small things cannot be trusted and is likely to be dishonest with the big things.

Let us do a small mental exercise and swap the principal actors in the three above-stated scenarios with our good old Nigerians. I'm guessing you chuckled just as i did.

Senator Mohammed Ali Ndume, a serving Nigerian Senator representing Borno South was arrested some months back on allegations of dirty dancing with the now dreaded Boko Haram sect. He is not a man new to the Legislative arm of government having served as a Member of Parliament for 8years from 2003 to 2011. While in detention, Senator Ndume allegedly pointed fingers at the current Vice President. He claims Mr VP is in the know of his romance with the terrorist organisation. To me, this sounds like a confession, the man just  admitted a few people know of his sin. It is like a man accused of stealing a goat and he says 'Haba,even Baba Iyabo saw me walking down the road with the missing goat'. Yet, we are still investigating and the man is still a sitting legislator who formulates laws for sane people. He still earns his 'jumbo pay' and full perks of office. Even our number 2 citizen still bounces around town living large, that he has been named as a conspirator does not bother any of the sane 160 million people he 'leads'.

In September 2007, a seasoned hairdresser in the person of the then Speaker, Mrs Patricia Etteh, was accused of misappropriating $5m in the infamous furniture allowance scandal. Till date, Mrs Etteh remains a sitting 'lawmaker'. More than four years later, she remains a 'distinguished' Member of the Nigerian Parliament.Senator Iyiola Omisore, was docked for allegedly partaking in the murder of Chief Bola Ige, he did not only win elections from the jail cell, he also served as a Senator till 2009 when an election tribunal annulled his election. Integrity did not prevail on either to vacate office honorably.

Most recently, Mr Herman Hembe and the delectably elegant Ms Arunma Oteh gave us the best of Nollywood's show of shame by publicly trading corruption allegations. Though Brother Hembe resigned as the Chairman of that committee, he remains a serving 'lawmaker'. There are several others, at all levels of government and at the 3 tiers of government.

Nigerian office holders are remarkably shameless and are entirely devoid of any iota of integrity. What's the big deal in soiling a name they will ask you. As long as the credit alerts keep flying in and the jumbo pay remains untouched. It saddens me that Caucasians will leave public office at the slightest perception of wrongdoing while ours remain there even after indictment. I often ask my friends if the same God created these white folks and Nigerians. It beats my imagination that we remain recalcitrant and refractory in our shamelessness.

A popular dog trainer once said 'I believe in integrity, dogs have it...human beings sometimes lack it'. Maybe its time we learnt from the dogs and the few good men like Chinua Achebe.

Redefining Vanity

'Vanity is the quicksand of Reason'- George Sand (1804-1876,French Novelist)

I was almost certain Baroness Sand had a few Nigerian friends and associates when i heard this quote. No other citizenry typifies this quote more than Nigerians. Nigeria's wealth, unknown to most of her citizens, is almost boundless and humanly incomprehensible. We boast of a rich crude oil reserve and an even more expansive quantity of natural and mineral resources. The Niger-Delta is riddled with Natural Gas, Enugu is heavily pregnant with Coal, Jos is endowed with Tin, Ogun and Nassarawa bask in their rich Limestone reserves and Kogi holds the purest forms of Iron Ore known to mankind. In terms of arable land, God is suspiciously rather generous in Nigeria's case. A common saying is that Nigeria was built with agriculture. Recall the days of cocoa farming, rubber, the groundnut pyramids in the North, cotton and the palm kernels. They say we were the 4th largest global exporter of cocoa in the 90s. We also have large expanses of water bodies meaning we are the hub of fishery and our large and arable grasslands encourage animal husbandry at its most commercial forms.

With all these, one would be tempted to believe i was vividly describing the Garden of Eden, albeit with clothed individuals. It is hard to believe and understand that this same 'natural paradise' is now such a hellish and utterly dangerous place to reside. The reasons for our decline in fortune has been the subject of a lot of discussion nationwide and globally. It leaves the whole world befuddled that 75% of this nation's citizens are poor. I however choose to believe that Nigerians are the sole architects of Nigeria's calamity.

The level of vanity we display as Nigerians astonishes me. Nigerians are arguably the most materialistic set of people on the face of the earth. To this end, i read a few days ago that the luxury car brand Porsche is putting things in place to ensure they cash in on Nigerians' crave for luxury. We spend billions on fripperies and are unrepentant suckers for the most exclusive of pricey and classy luxury brands.

Nigerians are enslaved to money and material things. It baffles me when i watch on television how men and women who are impoverished come out in multitudes to sing the praise of men like Gbenga Daniel, Olabode George and the likes. Nigerians openly sing praises to God when such men are 'acquitted' of charges relating to gross larceny. But then can you really blame them?

It is this galactically idiotic love for vanity that i wish to believe has brought this nation to its terminal state. How do you explain a member of parliament earning 150million naira p.a legally? How do you explain a single man's theft of £250million or the pocketing of 58billion naira of state fund by a single fellow? What exactly do these individuals need all this money for? I just read the story of the boss of the Ondo State OSOPADEC who the EFCC is investigating and found 27 luxury cars in his home in Akure. Do you not think such a man needs to have a mental state examination if he drives a car once a month in the same city where the roads are littered with poor people?

Some years ago, i read an interview by an aide of the late billionaire, MKO Abiola. The aide, who eventually founded DMT mobile toilets, said his epiphany was when he looked at the mogul's still body and palms and  noticed Chief Abiola was not holding a single naira note. A man who was worth billions in national and foreign currency was 'sleeping' with empty hands. The late Sani Abacha was another powerful Head of State and we need not remind ourselves of how he robbed Nigeria blind. Unfortunately, he was not spared on the 'Day of the Apple'. He left the world and was buried in a mat! A mat? How disrespectful! How do you explain burying such an affluent man with the lavish and expansive estate in a 'mat'. I would have expected that with so much at his disposal he should have at least been buried in a gold Bentley and maybe driven to his final destination in it.

Our current leaders are having a filled day at the office, looting and stashing away. They claim we are 'broke', yet every other day, they chase us off the roads with their loud VIP sirens and pilot vehicles. They need to sit down and reflect. History has however shown that man has not learnt from history. Most of them will tread the same paths as the likes of Abacha, Aikhomu, IBB and co. Unfortunately, the Book of Proverbs says '...The rich and the poor have this in common;The Lord made them both...'

To you the simpleton, who runs everyday in the 'rat race', you are not devouring your piece of the national cake yet, you are a comfortable average Nigerian who is waiting to 'hammer', i wish you well. I however wish to remind you that it applies to you and i too. We need to retrace our steps and ask God to help us. I have seen people die, rich and poor, young and old. I have had to sign death certificates for people who had hopes and aspirations. I have had to tell their close family and friends that they'll never see their loved one again in this lifetime. The most striking thing is the seemingly peaceful look they have after their souls have gone, there's no pain, no grimace, no smile, no frown....there's just a face. The next time you drive past Ikoyi Vaults or Atan Cemetery Yaba, ask yourself if there are houses or cars next to the occupants. Observe when you look at the graves, if you can tell who's rich and who's poor. You can even look at the surroundings and see if you see any wife, child,mistress or business partner living next to any grave. The common denominator you'll find in this overly serene neighborhood will be engravings on the tombstone. Engravings of a name and 2 different years separated by a dash i.e John Doe 1220 - 2012. Honestly the figures before and after that 'dash' don't really matter, it is that 'dash' that tells a story. You will account for what you spent that 'dash' doing. As simple and as inane as that 'dash' looks, it tells how you lived your life. It isn't how long you lived for, it is how well you lived.

What will you be remembered for? What story will your 'dash' tell?

My fellow Nigerians,ponder anew....

The Patrice Muamba Story:Location Dependent

It was with great trepidation and anxiety that most football lovers witnessed the slump of a 23 year old Bolton Wanderers midfielder right there on live television a few hours ago. Patrice Ndala Muamaba, Congolese born midfielder who has represented the English team at Under-21 level, caused a stir in the football world as he collapsed in the first half of an FA Cup game against Tottenham Hotspurs. Football followers know Muamba to be a fiery and physical player who displays full commitment and dedication to duty anytime he lines out to play for club and country, he is by no means an easy opponent to play against and has received remarkable comparison with players such a s Micheal Essien, Paul Scholes to mention a few. My first time of watching Muamba in action was probably about 3years ago as a Birmingham City player and he left an impression on me after i saw him in action. Alas, my worry when i witnessed such a brilliant footballer slump in the middle of a game on live television.

Fortunately, he had cardiopulmonary resuscitation right there on the pitch and i even read the attending paramedics had defibrillators and eventually attempted to restart Muamba's heart right there on the green grass. A few hours after the incident, we hear the player is stable and is awaiting some diagnostic investigations. For this and many more and other mercies, we thank the Good Lord. It would have been heartbreaking and totally disastrous to have lost such a fine athlete in his prime. The football match was eventually called off and the players had an early retirement from work for the day, something the average Nigerian civil servant craves for on a daily basis.

A cardiac arrest is a life threatening and potentially fatal emergency which if not handled with precision and experience can lead to death in a matter of minutes. It may be easy to recognize and it is essential that an eye witness knows some form of basic life support whilst waiting for a medical or paramedical team to take over the management of such a patient. Thus, help might take a few minutes,ideally, to reach the victim and the eerily thin line between life and death might be tossed in the hands of a nearby standing totally ignorant fellow. Occasionally, fate strikes when the victim is in the midst of capable people for example in an Emergency room or at a well planned football game like today,as was the case of Muamba this afternoon. Muamba owes his life, first to God and second to the well trained and properly equipped paramedics who were on duty today at the White Hart Lane Stadium in North London. But for divine intervention, Muamba's lying place at this moment would be different.

Basic life support (BLS) is the basic protocol used to manage a victim who has suffered a heart attack. Usually, the event is unprecedented and strikes unannounced, thus quick recognition and quick intervention is the cornerstone of management. BLS typically involves a quick,audible and desperate shout for help, a brief primary assessment of the victim who may or may not be conscious and a few manoeuvres . The brief assessment will involve checking if the victim is breathing at all and if the heart is still beating as evidenced by a quick check of his or her peripheral pulses either at the side of the neck or around the wrist. This usually should not take more than a few seconds and prompt intervention can proceed. A jaw thrust or chin lift may suffice to open up the victim's upper airways and a cardiopulmonary resuscitation comprising of  artificial ventilation (mouth-to-mouth) and chest compression. Beyond this, there really isn't much a lay man can do until paramedics arrive and they can proceed to defribrillate the victim in order to 'jumpstart' the heart of the victim and probably commence intranasal oxygen therapy.

The events of this fateful afternoon got me thinking. I thought of the practice of medicine in Lagos and Nigeria. I thought of the thousands of 'Patrice Muambas' that die shamelessly everyday on the streets of Lagos. I thought of a typical sunny busy day at CMS bus-stop Lagos Island and the possible outcome of such an occurrence there. Knowing the typical Nigerian. his first instinct would be to take to his heels and watch from a safe distance how a 'possessed' man rolled on the floor so as to give an eye witness account to his housemates and kinsmen later in the day. A few good Samaritans may stop to ask the victim what the problem is but honestly except that Samaritan is a health worker (nurse or doctor), the best help he will offer to such a hapless victim is to arrange for transportation to the nearest hospital. Unfortunately a cardiac arrest does not afford such luxury of time to get to a nearby hospital.

The unfortunate truth is that Muamba would have been long dead if the incident took place at the Onikan stadium or the Teslim Balogun stadium Surulere. Kindly take note that the preceding statement is an assertion and not a probability except of course the Good God of Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego still has plans for his life. You'll ask why i am so certain and i will try to explain the best i can. I graduated as a Medical Doctor in 2007 from arguably the best medical school in the south-south geopolitical zone of Nigeria. In my six years of 'quality' basic medical education, not once did i see a defribillator not to speak of seeing a practical session of a successful cardiopulmonary resuscitation done. Occasionally while on taking call duties with residents, you are 'privileged' to see them try to resuscitate a gasping patient in the Emergency room, but the patients always died, right there on the hospital bed and the attending resident proceeds to certify the person dead. It baffled me as a medical student but i was more concerned about passing my professional MB exams and moving to the next class so i refused to worry myself about the fatalities and the futility of our resuscitation exercises. Note however that my not ever seeing a defribillator in medical school was no due to my truancy or by what some people call 'learning medicine by proxy'. I was a reasonably serious and studious medical student who never had a problem with making 75% attendance at lectures, clinics and operating sessions throughout the clinical lap of my medical education.

Eventually, i reached the 'Promised Land' and graduated as a doctor after which i moved back to Lagos to do my statutory one year internship and National Youth Service. In the cumulative two years i spent working and practicing medicine under supervision, not once again did i see a defribrillator. Strange you might think, but the veracity of this claim can be corroborated by my colleagues at the time at a Federal health institution in Lagos. Again, interestingly, almost all  the attempted resuscitation exercises i witnessed ended in futility and left me strongly doubting the effectiveness, if there was any at all, of the whole CPR thing. I moved on from there and became fully registered as a medical practitioner in Nigeria, i was now licensed to practice without supervision and thankfully there were pictures of defribrillators in textbooks and on television so i at least knew what they looked like. It was only recently, i finally got to see what they looked and felt like at a hospital i was working 'privately' in Lagos. Fortunately, i have not had any cause to need one in my practice or so the system has made me delude myself into believing.

Traditionally, a man who slumps suddenly without apparent cause has been 'messaged' from the village and the average Nigerian is quick to adduce 'principalities and powers' as the reasonable explanation for the incident. Luckily, these powers cannot overtly defend or disprove their involvement in the drama. Cardiac arrest is a rather common occurrence and 'jazz' has made diagnosis of the condition seem remote. Back to Muamba, if he had been playing today's game at the prestigious Onikan stadium Lagos, he would have not had a whole paramedic team waiting on ground in the stadium. Lagos hospitals don't even have paramedical teams in the biggest hospitals not to speak of some football pitch. The best Muamba would have got at Onikan stadium would have been a bored and unmotivated Red Cross staff or a nurse with a 'First Aid box'. Now, unless the heart can be restarted with cotton wool, Evans glucose D and sachet 'pure' water, i see no way Muamba would have left the stadium alive. Another fact that would have hastened Muamba's sojourn to the grave would have been logistics of transferring him to a nearby hospital. I have not been to Onikan stadium lately but i strongly doubt there is a standby standard ambulance with BLS equipment being defribrillators, oxygen cylinders, intravenous access materials and a cardiac bed. Note that i am not referring to the beat-up Peugeot station wagons labelled 'Ambulance' that are only fit to carry firewood and red tomatoes from Mile 12 market. We all watch Hollywood movie flicks and series (Grey's Anatomy, House), kindly send me a message the day you see a 911 emergency operator dispatch a 'station wagon' ambulance to the scene of a medical emergency. I am dying to see that on television. The choice form of evacuation Muamba would have got would have been an 'okada' with a teammate sitting behind him and holding him seated vertically. If he is unlucky, he'll be pushed into a 'snail speed Keke Napep or Marwa' depending on your political affiliations. Muamba again, would have long settled in with his ancestors.

Now,if by some 'odeshi', Muamba makes it to the regular and typical government hospital alive, he'll be asked to get a card, either at a fee or for free as in some State owned General hospitals. The records clerk, if at his duty post will proceed to ask for Muamba's biodata and doing a proper registration and then pass the card to the Nursing Sister on duty who will then do Muamba's vital signs and then call for the Doctor on call to see Muamba. The Doctor then attends to Muamba, suspects a possible cardiac arrest but unfortunately there is no power in the hospital at the time, as the PHCN has not restored power all day and the hospital generator consumes a lot of diesel so has gone off till 7pm. Eventually, the doctor convinces the 'engineer' in the plant room to put on the generator for a few hours and returns to his ailing Muamba. He decides to commence oxygen intranasally since he had never seen a defribrillator in the hospital since he resumed there in late 2010. He then turns the knob of the oxygen cylinder and realizes it is empty. The Emergency room has no oxygen so he decides to do the chest compression for what it is worth while he urges the nurse to send the hospital maid to other hospital wards to 'borrow' oxygen cylinders. All the while, Muamba's cardiac arrest is having a filled day eating away the poor 23year old's soul.

Believe it or not, the picture painted above is not fiction. These are scenes i see day in and day out, but of course, there's 'jazz' and 'powers and principalities' so at least i know its possible i was up against certainly more powerful and ruthless forces. Bottom-line is our healthcare system is a joke in Nigeria. Nigerian doctors migrate and become wonderful practitioners, feats that are practically impossible in their own country. I still give a lot of credit to the overworked and improperly trained doctors who are unfortunate enough to remain in the country and practice the art of medicine. I give them credit because i know the number of lives they save on a daily basis even with the most hostile and negative conditions. Conditions where even the white colleagues would almost become neurotic if faced with. Day by day, they restore health to several thousands and try to save as many as possible. Unfortunately, the health system is a reflection of the general systemic failure of the Nigerian entity. How can the sector thrive when in 2012, Niger Delta militants are to receive 6billion naira more than all the heath institutions in the country. Together with the NDDC, the militants will gulp a whooping 118billion naira as against 60billion allocated by Mr President to Health. I can also tell you the amount allocated to education but the tears in my eyes sting and won't permit me to type the figures.

Unfortunately also, when the head fails, it is very unlikely that any other body part will work properly. There's a reason why the brain is located in the head and not the gluteal region. It is simply because the head is the 'center of action', all the other parts look up to the head for co-ordination. We can't stop doctors from practicing medicine in Nigeria because they have not been trained properly from their basics, certainly not, as the cure for a headache is not and will never be a decapitation. We can however begin to encourage the older and widely traveled Consultants to begin teaching and retraining their subordinates. We can beg the government to fund mandatory and intensive Basic and Advanced Life Support courses for all medical doctors on an annual basis to be facilitated by the best Consultant Traumatologists from all over the world. We can beg the Medical Directors to embezzle less of the running costs provided to the hospitals by government to get more oxygen cylinders and standard ambulances and who knows, maybe even a few defribrillators. We can beg the Medical and Dental Council to review the nature and modules of basic medical training in Nigerian medical schools, medicine is as practical as it is theoretical, the students must be taught applied medicine, not 'stuff' that can not do a jaw thrust or a chin lift or do basic CPR. We must beg the doctors and budding medical students to open their minds and develop their hands, we can beg them to apply themselves to the apprenticeship of medicine.

If we get it right, we will save a lot of 23year old Muambas from their early graves.



P.S: My sincere prayers remain with Patrice Muamba, he is too fine a young athlete to depart the world prematurely. Join me in wishing him total and speedy recovery from this hellish experience.