Note To Self

A lot of people do not know I got married recently. Those who eventually found out but were not invited have their theories as to why MY wedding was 'secret'. Others that came wanted to see with their ones eyes if it was true that like Achilles,another trojan warrior was about to bite the dust. Whatever the motive for being present or otherwise, I pray good things will abound in your homes also.

So, I have been getting 'quality' marriage advice from the four corners of the Earth. Interestingly, while I got advice from a man who had been married four times or so, I also got from a man who had been married to the same woman for close to four decades. It stirred some wonderment in me. Shouldn't the man with multiple marriages have better advice being that he has been in the fire many more times. Experience, after all, they say is the best teacher. From his point of view, the man who's been married for four decades doesn't know 'anything' about marriage. On the other hand, if he knows so much about marriage, why does he keep failing at it? Coincidence or just a bad streak? I don't have answers but I'll just leave that here for you to ponder on. 

I have keenly observed marriages and listened to married folks to get a feel of what the do's and don'ts are. Of course, I appreciate that no two marriages are the same and there are really no hard and fast rules when it comes to the revered institution. I have however noted a few things and while they are largely self notes, it may not be bad to hang them out here for any other person who might be seeking answers.

First, to the two people in the marriage. You are each other's all-in-all. You swore to become one before God and that is literally what it must be. Not one today and three and half tomorrow. Not one figuratively. One is one. What it means is that you must back each other no matter what. When it's your spouse against the world, you just must stand with them. They won't always make intelligent decisions and they will slip every now and then. Your duty is to support them regardless of how silly their decisions may seem. As a matter of policy, do not openly criticize your spouse or berate them in public. I believe that is entirely bedroom talk. Agree with them in public no matter how imbecilic you both look then treat it in private. You must not jump ship in public. It's hard to assess the depth of the betrayal it causes. No matter who is involved. Always remember that's the hand you want to hold when you breathe your last. When the whole world is against her or him,ensure you can be relied on to have their back. Just don't jump ship I urge you.

Second, to the man. Your duty is to communicate with your wife. You must talk to her so she does not assume. It is only by talking to her that she understands you better and can help you as God empowered her to in the book of Genesis. If it means reading the alphabets from A to Z every other day for lack of things to say, please do. Just make sure you are talking to your wife. Even when she upsets you and your feel your testicles are about to explode, a simple 'how are you?' will help. Don't keep grudges. That's an estrogen-esque trait that should be alien to men. Women can, certainly not men. Shock her by still asking how the day's going even when you had a big fight that morning. Don't get drawn into silent treatment techniques. They do more harm than good. It's actually personal to me and I'm working hard at correcting it. I'm also asking God for the grace to be a talking spouse. I believe it's essential for a good marriage.

Third, to the wife. Your husband is the singular most important entity in your aesthetic life. When you dress up or make up, don't do it so that 'people' will say you look good. Their opinion about how you look doesn't count! Well, except you are interviewing for a modelling job. Many women have missed this point. They would rather look beautiful for a world that really doesn't give a damn about them than for the man they would spend the rest of their lives with. So what you get are women who look like village witches while they are at home with their husbands because 'after all, nobody is looking at them and they are not going anywhere'. They would rather post pictures on Instagram and Facebook so they can get one million likes that don't really count at the expense of the one most precious 'like' that means the whole world. You use body magic to deceive the world that you are a hot married woman then you come home and take off the contraptions and expect your husband to pack you around the house with a shovel! It's very unfair. What is good enough for the goose is also good for the gander. As a matter of fact, it isn't even a goose-gander scenario, that's trivializing the subject. What is befitting for the villagers must not be offered to the king of the village. That is how you should see your husband. If it means going to bed in your body magic, then so be it. Who told you the man doesn't want to see a hot woman also? You either find a permanent fix for the truncal obesity or you get comfortable with it and stop deceiving the world and expecting him to 'understand'.

Marriage isn't easy. It's hard, just like the road that leads to Heaven. Only a few find it because 'narrow is the way'. But, it is an institution ordained by God and thus must be a good thing. Learn to reaffirm your commitment to making it work. Unfortunately, these days the whole world expects you to fail at it because 'it's not easy o'. So you'll be fighting against all odds but for the love of Christ, never give up on your spouse. And beware of the advice you dwell on. Those that say 'don't take this from your husband or your wife' have probably taken worse. Make your own rules. You will soon come to find out after the glitz and glamour and enriched wedding vendors, that it's you and your 'cross'. 

Endeavor to make the yoke easy and the burden light as Jesus asserted in the New Testament.