The Hunter & The Bush-meat

I shouldn't be blogging...

If Mrs. Okulate asks, tell her my alter ego, Theophilus, wrote this.

Having said that, how can you come from where I come from and resist blogging after you hear some of the weirdest things known to mankind.

Again, I remember my standing rule about opining about Nigeria's intractable slumber. I just could not help myself...

Today, Mr. President 'temporarily suspended' residency training in the country. Even though I've seen the supposed memo to that effect on social media, I'm still hoping it's one of those pranks we get now and then.

The NMA, not just the residents, has been on strike since July 1st. In that time, a 'crazy man' according to my President brought Ebola virus into the country. How that has been going I'm sure we all know. Sometimes, the solution to a headache is decapitation, as I have now learnt. 

In the memo, the residents will be replaced by locum doctors whose contracts will be renewed six-monthly, if they 'behave' well. By behaving well, I assume they will swear by whichever deity they worship that they will not go on strike. For the reprobate ones a.k.a Judases that will sign such bonds and still entertain the thought of strikes, the six-month clause is there to promptly ship them out. Amazing stuff!

Alas, this action is not without precedence. Mr. Fashola did it in 2012 and got away with it as far as I'm concerned. Even though he recalled the doctors he sacked, he had since allegedly placed an embargo on recruitment of resident doctors into LASUTH Ikeja. He was however gracious enough to allow those already in the system to at least continue their program; the system though faulty, is holding and hasn't crumbled yet. Lagos State Government showed the world that it could be done and I presume Abuja was taking notes. They took notice of how many doctors chanted war songs at meetings and then ran back covertly cap-in-hand to beg the same government they recited 'Aluta Continua' against. They took note of how senior medical doctors openly sabotaged the seemingly misguided young ones. They took note of how ARD, AGPMPN, NMA, Medical Guild and MDCN all agreed to disagree and disagreed to disagree. They were watching us.

The federal government owns the teaching hospitals after all, whether we like it or not. They may not have the capacity to keep the facilities running but that's based on an assumption that they really care what happens in those facilities anyway and whether the visitors to them lived or died. Residency training is also just a contract after all and even though the proscription is probably imbecilic, it is a valid and even understandable tactic. I'll explain why.

The crux of the NMA is National Association of Resident Doctors (NARD) and they are scattered across all the national and state teaching hospitals in the country. They are the engine rooms of all the teaching hospitals so once they down tools, Nigeria's tertiary healthcare system grinds to a halt. How best to sterilize a national NMA strike that to yank out the very heart of it. If the proscription stands, the doctors will be sheep without shepherd. Wolves hunt better when the sheep scuttle all over the place. Abuja knows hunger is no respecter of degree or white coat. It worked in Lagos after all. Sack them all and leave a small window for the penitent ones to saunter back for meal tickets; thus the clause of locum physicians with renewable contracts every six months. They'll promise the locums they will be considered first for residency positions when they decide to lift the proscription. So, the locum positions will be filled promptly across the land by 'hungry' doctors even with the faintest hope of a residency position at some point in the future.

Will this work? Why not! The NMA will threaten fire and

brimstone again and government will insist they own their teaching hospitals and they can do as they like with them. They will argue that state governments also own teaching hospitals anyway so aggrieved doctors can seek refuge there. They know most of the consultants are sell-outs anyway. Those ones always whip up some inane ideology about why specialists cannot join strikes because they are 'management level staff'. So, you have consultants, locum medical officers and interns with a battalion of DSS and MOPOL 18 outside the hospital gates. Then, the residents will go to the National Industrial Court and while this is ongoing, the famished ones will quickly take up the locum positions 'for now'. At all, at all na hin bad. You know what they say about half a loaf of bread and puff-puff. That is our reality in Nigeria. All man for himself even if we chant 'Victoria acerta!' together. Again, remember not to make the simple-minded assumption that this government cares that the system will crumble and people will die. They know all that already.

For those who still think JOHESU wants to decimate the medical profession, I'm sure you know Dr. Jonathan didn't have this moment of epiphany during the night while he laid next to- or on-top of- his adorable wife yesterday. Doctors, like you and I, drew up that white paper and he simply assented. Is the Federal Minister of Health a laboratory technician? Is the Minster of State for Health a mortician? Do they not hold M.B.B.S. degrees also? Our problems are entirely in-vivo, they have always been and they will always be.

Again, this is all still amorphous. I'm yet to get a confirmation of this rash action on electronic media. It's all just online so there's still a chance it is all fiction. I personally hope so anyway. But I remember reading a week ago that Professor Onyebuchi Chukwu had threatened that government could 'also do something drastic' to address the nationwide strike. This will certainly make Goodluck Ebele Azikwe Jonathan indelible in the annals of history. He may not be the smartest of the lot but his testicular hypertrophy is certainly unprecedented!

When the jungle 'matures', telling the hunter apart from the bush-meat may become very difficult. Who is hunting who now I wonder?

P.S...

The Ebola virus is quietly sitting pretty in the country from all indications. You begin to wonder if you are suffering from sensorineural deafness when you hear things like a primary contact of the index Ebola case escaped quarantine and traveled from Lagos to Enugu! How and where on Earth does that happen? This same ineptitude made it possible for the now late Mr. Sawyer to pass through our Immigration Services at Murtala Muhammed International Airport. We had to outdo even our worst performance by now inoculating the South-East with the virus. Now, I'm told Kwara has also reported a 'suspected' case. 

I just don't get it.

When You Find Love In A 'Hopeless' Place

It's quite hard to believe Aaliyah released this hit song 'Age ain't nothing but a number' exactly twenty years ago! Two decades already. Men! I suddenly feel like an old man. Anyway, that's a matter for another forum. It has taken some of us two decades to really understand Aaliyah's insight. Better late than never?

I've heard somewhere that the Bible has a verse for everything we will probably ever see and experience as humans. Little wonder, it says in 1st Corinthians that 'when I was a child, I spoke like a child, I UNDERSTOOD like a child and I THOUGHT like a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things'. And there, good people of God, is my caveat. I must confess that I used to have a largely contrary view on this subject a few years ago; just in case you and I have engaged before about the topic, please permit me to change my mind. Only a fool never changes his mind after all. Time and chance have educated me and I have put away those childish dogmas. 

I had a conversation with a very close friend of mind a few days ago. She's one of the beautiful people life has been kind enough to allow me meet. The largeness of her heart probably beats her intelligence, ambition, work ethics and physique as her greatest asset. Interestingly, she's been single for a while now so much so that I wondered at some point if all the I'm-looking-for-a-wife guys in Lagos were suffering from vitamin A deficiency. She recently met a young man who seems enchanted by her and is showing 'signs' of you know what. There's however a small glitch. She's close to 30 and he's 27...

Age! Naturally her expectations of any relationship now involves a 

round glittering metal and sparkling white lace at some point in the not too distant future so she's not particularly looking for any 'wassup wassup' guy. With Lagos being the puddle it is, I had come across the fellow in question remotely somewhere within my social circles. He came across as a level-headed gentleman with this effortless aura of calmness. I was excited for my friend. Then she voiced her reservation for him and it got me thinking. If she had picked any other disqualifying quality apart from his age, I probably would have let it slide. She was not even going to give the young man a chance for something that was totally beyond his control. I didn't think that was fair.

Traditionally, we are averse to relationships with older females in these parts. While it's okay for the girls to date and even marry men older than their biological fathers, it is abominable for the boys to do likewise. That is our culture. Since the man is supposed to be the 'head' of the home, it only makes sense that he should be older and preferably die first isn't it? I got my first father-son relationship advice in my third or fourth year of medical school when he warned me against dating girls who I wasn't older than. He explained that since women somehow aged faster than men, it was likely the woman would be looking like a 50-year old when she was 40 and as a result appear less attractive to her husband who would still be 'in town' then. Seems logical doesn't it?

The Bible clearly lays down the guidelines for marriage in my opinion. 'And a man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife and they will become one flesh'. Did it read a 30-year old man will cleave to a 25-year old lady? 'Be ye not unequally yoked to an unbeliever'. Did it read a 27-year old man must be equally yoked to a 23-year old lady?. 'Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the Earth'. Again, any mention of age?. 'For the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the Church'. Maybe the ages are not specified because really as Aaliyah posited 'age is really just a number'.The naysayers are quick to point out that Adam, the first husband was created before Eve making him technically 'older' than his wife. Agreed. What, however, did his age have to do with the apple he ate in Eden? Absolutely nothing!

You see, I think women must disabuse their minds of some archaic ideas. Yes our culture frowns at dating/marrying younger men but how has this same culture addressed the rising divorce rates in marriages today? Marriages are failing right, left and center certainly not because the husbands are younger than their wives! They are failing because people are not ready to do the work and irreconcilable differences spring up. Does an older husband automatically translate to a properly-cared for wife or a functional marriage? Capital NO! If you like marry Methuselah, all that assures you of is a steady supply of blue pills and imminent heart attacks every time you buy new lingerie. Age does not and will never translate to maturity. Yoko Ono, John Lennon's widow, aptly submits that 'some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90; time is simply a concept created by human beings'.

Don't be afraid to set your own standards. Society and culture require you to conform; refuse to! Your happiness is PRIMARY. When it goes awry, trust me, you'll find that this same 'culture' does not really send you. I haven't said marry a boy who plays X-box till he forgets to go to work on Monday morning o!. If a younger man treats you with respect and comports himself decently and gentlemanly; if he has a strong character and is stable upstairs; if he opens doors for you and treats you like Kate Middleton in Lagos; if he appreciates the place of God in his being and has a genuinely good heart (note I didn't say 'born-again'); if he encourages you to pursue your dreams and supports your ambitions altruistically. You mean, you'll pick a pot-belied, lousy, egocentric man over the former simply because one is older than the other? Maybe we actually do deserve the things we get in these parts.

Age is very overrated. What you should worry about are his ideals, values and sense of responsibility. Maturity is simply not a function of years but of exposure, experience and cognition. And truth is, beauty won't last forever anyway - whether you like it or not of course. Some day, our skin will wrinkle and shrivel and we will age and wither . Simply because we can't cheat nature and simply because for everything under Heaven, there is a time and season. Therefore, seek someone who loves you not because of your yellow face, 'alert' breasts or flat abdomen but someone who sees beyond aesthetics. To such a person, you'll always be beautiful. Many women are married to other people's husbands today in dysfunctional marriages because they assumed love found with younger men was love in a hopeless place. Alas, stones are not the only hard objects on Earth after all. They have learnt that the hard way.

I begged my dear friend to open her mind and pray to God. Never close your mind to possibilities. Sometimes, the best gifts come in the most unexpected packages. Assess him on every other thing but his age. 

'Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter' - Mark Twain.

Let culture frown dear. It always finds something to frown at anyway. Refuse to be a 'statistic'.