Yes! Albert Einstein Was Nigerian.

 Tonight, I'm going to challenge all you learnt in Elementary History class. They told you my sagacious name sake, Oluwole Akinwande Soyinka, was the first Nigerian to win the much coveted Nobel Prize, didn't they? They lied! 

Before you begin to cast and bind me in tongues, keep your hair on and let me explain.

First off, I'd like to quickly site a caveat at this juncture. That I will be airing my thoughts on recent happenings in Nigeria's political stratosphere does not by any means or measure mean I have reneged on my vow to my loving parents to steer clear of the political 'higgi hagga' beleaguering the nation. I simply found last weekend particularly amusing so I decided it was worth a few minutes of my time and reflection.

Last weekend, the good and voraciously learned people of Ekiti State, filed out in droves to exercise their electoral rights. It was supposedly a keenly contested battle between two or three men with varying arsenals. Ultimately, a winner emerged after all the machinations and shenanigans that usually pervade Nigerian elections. Personally, I couldn't really be bothered who won. I have no direct or remote ties to Ekiti so their direction for the next four years isn't really my business. I was more intrigued by the politicking and how each candidate went about his campaign, especially on the final day.

While the incumbent strutted around town speaking impeccable Queen's English, the eventual winner had his polo shirt collar turned up dancing to Saheed Osupa with the electorates. The picture on the left is quite self-explanatory. Prospective voters on a queue bearing small bags of rice clearly marked with an umbrella and 'Ayo'. In a country where civil servants earn less than 18,500naira monthly, this remains the most sensible way of winning a 'free and fair' election. 

Imagine walking down a newly tarred road with functional solar-powered street lights with 400naira in your pocket. You've not had breakfast, brunch or lunch and sincerely, you are not quite certain yet where supper will come from. Then, some fellow with a megaphone shouts like John The Baptist in the wilderness. 

'Come all ye that are hungry and own voter's cards 
Come all ye that are heavily laden with poverty and seek awoof rice'

Now, your pregnant wife is at home waiting for money for soup. Your kids in the local primary school are going to eat just as they will take some break-time money the next day. Your gastric acids are still and slowly eating away the linings of your stomach as there's no substrate to work on. You can tell by the worsening heartburns in your lower chest. All this and all you have in your pocket are four miserably weather-bitten 100naira notes. It is only the 21st of June and you are not likely to be 'transfused' until the beginning of July. Then, the incongruous sound bellows from the megaphone again and you stop in your tracks as you remember you had acquired a voter's card a few weeks before. The gods have smiled on you!

So, you scurry into the queue and you're handed a 15kg bag of rice with a promise of an extra 2000naira in cash if you 'put ya thumb on the umblella'[sic]. Explain to me how Ayo Fayose won't win.

What does all this have to do with the distinguished Albert Einstein you wonder? The man was a genius and even posthumously, he lends wise counsel to the PDP. He said and I quote: 'An empty  stomach is not a good political adviser'. Absolute genius!

Apt! If you've ever heard truer words or anything more 'Nigerian' than that, then please be kind enough to let me know. Politics in Nigeria is peculiar and must be handled deftly. You must solve the problems that are relevant to your people. What's the point of sending a village filled with bald men a truckload of combs? A true and worthy leader must connect with his primary constituency. How the incumbent missed such a salient point befuddles me. It is not enough to have lens-friendly gap-teeth or have the diction of Shakespeare. Have your people eaten today? How many of them now eat three times a day since you assumed office as Governor? Twitter and Facebook do not translate to ballot papers and votes. How many of these electorates are even using social media? No be who chop belleful go sabi tweet, follow or poke?

Any leader who fails to address 'bellenomics' of his people isn't worthy to lead. Ask Moses the utterances his beloved Isrealites directed at him when they ran out of food during their sojourn through the wilderness. Hunger breeds rebellion very quickly.

Hunger and hypoglycemia are not respecters of person, gender, colour, religion, age or command of English language.

So you see, the annals of History misguided you all. Albert 'Oladimeji' Einstein beat Wole Soyinka to the Nobel Prize.

The man was simply a visionary!