It was just before 5p.m on that Wednesday when my phone rang. Our neighbour called me and asked where I was at the time. I found it strange that he would ask me such a question. We had been neighbours for a few years now and not once did he call to ask me such. He asked that I return home immediately after I picked my toddler from day care. Something required my urgent attention in the house apparently.
So, 2013 turned on its head within the first twenty two days. I would never see you again and I didn't have a say in my best friend's departure. We woke up on the same bed this morning. We talked about 'nothing' really. We just gossipped like primary school kids. We laughed then you scolded then we laughed again. The girls were getting ready for school while you played with your only son like you always did in the morning. You tried to feed him before I dropped him off at his creche. Your eyes lit up every time you carried him. I could tell you were intensely proud in our little prince, just as you were of his three older sisters. We left you in the house to do 'school runs'. We left you forever.
I am in the living room now and its about 7p.m. The house is filled with people dear. I can see their faces but I do not recognize them. Their lips are moving incongruously but I hear nothing. I always knew there was a difference between looking and seeing. Between listening and hearing. I can't see or hear anything. You are conspicuously missing at home.
They are all here because of you. Honey, where are you? They keep asking me to be strong. They keep hugging me and some are crying. I've heard 'It is well' at least a million and one times since I arrived at home. So much so that I think I will scream if I hear the now trite remark again. Our first daughter is seated on the dinning chair looking indifferent. She probably has never seen this much people in our house at the same time. She's old enough to comprehend the concept of death and your departure. The two other girls look stricken. Hypnotised maybe. They were the first to see you lying quietly and lifeless on the kitchen floor. I imagine they probably thought Daddy was playing a prank when they shook your cold body to announce their arrival from school. The trauma and horror that must have followed upon realizing that the life in you was gone is something I wish they didn't have to experience at such young ages.
Honey, this was not the plan. When you said good bye this morning, I didn't know you meant it would be forever. You sounded like you'll be here when I got back in the evening. I can't even remember if I kissed you before I left the house. Dear God, I hope I did. I think I was rushing to beat that Abraham Adesanya and Ajah traffic. The month is ending soon so work has been a bit demanding as my department has been reviewing the books for the month and planning staff salaries. Maybe if I had any inkling I would never see you again I would have taken the day off to hear you say the nice things you are now renowned for. Maybe I would have cooked you your favourite dish and let you kiss all our kids on their foreheads with parting paternal blessings. Maybe I would have just sat there looking into your eyes and staring all day knowing I would never see you again. But then, life is like that. In a single second, everything could change. In a second, a world could implode just as mine has today with your demise.
The whole street is lined with vehicles. There are relatives, friends and strangers. All looking at me and shaking like heads sombrely. So, this is what it feels like to be widowed at any age at all. Our son is playing around the room. Oblivious of the fact that his biggest fan is no more. It pains me more that he only had you for less than two years of his life. You had such big plans for the young man. He'll never have you at his milestones. That shatters me! We had planned three walks down the aisle, one for each of the girls. Now, I would have to do all this by myself. I think I'm anaesthetised. I feel something a bit more grave than pain. I feel numb. A voice in my head tells me you are on one of your business trips. Surely, you can't be dead. You are in Ilorin or Abuja. My 6 can't leave me in this wicked world all by myself. It's not his nature not to keep his words. You adored our kids too much to leave them this soon. Then again, the other very frightening voice in my head tells me 'What if he is indeed not coming back?'.
They are all here. Relatives who have benefited from your largess are here wailing. Who do they run to now for help as you were the pillar in the family. You enjoyed the role and ensured you did it with a smile always. Neighbours who lived with you in the estate are also here looking shell-shocked. They still waved at you over the fence a few hours and days before. You were full of life and charm. Your pleasant personality was hard not to admire. Some of your business partners are here also. The documents they were planning to send to your office for your perusal and signature all lie there now. As null and as void as ever. Some of them are probably still owing you consultancy fees for some work you did for them. We'll never know now, would we?
You were the centre of my world. No. Actually, you were my world itself. How does the sun exist without a sky? Can an ocean be what it is without water? I can't find words to express how much you meant to my being. There are really no words. Especially now that you are not here. Especially now that you are lying in a cold drawer with no clothing on your back. Words fail me really. Where exactly do I begin? How do I continue without my guardian angel? You promised me forever! Forever can't be seventeen years only! This was simply not the plan my darling...
I believe God exists now. If I ever doubted His omnipotence, the events of the last few hours have certainly changed that. Surely, there's a more superior power controlling this world. How else does one explain this absurd event. You were well this morning! It didn't even cross my mind that you'll not be here when I drove into the house in the evening! Verily, life as I know it will be never be the same. Sleeping and waking without you will be torture. I suspect it will get even worse as the days pass and turn into weeks and months.
I need to wake up from this nightmare. It must be a vile prank and it must stop. It is very unfair to have my emotions played with like this. This must stop! I'm nothing without my number 6!
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord"- Romans 8 vs 35-39
03:11:1962 - 23:01:2013
Sun re o...
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