There's a school of thought that firmly upholds the theory that the Nigerian state is a reflection of her civil service. The proponents of this theory believe most of our inept public officers were hitherto part of a system now renowned for mendacity, larceny and gross ineptitude. This system is our beloved civil service.
Before we proceed on this show of shame, the link below takes you to a video. This is a high ranking officer of the Nigerian Security and Civil Defence Corps, one of the security parastatals saddled with securing the lives and property of Nigerians. Please listen carefully to the conversation on live television.
http://t.co/rtf1zDNEW1
For all we know, this man could be the spokesperson of the NSCDC. If this didn't surprise you then not many things in life will. For those who didn't quite pick the line of discourse, he was simply asked for the website of his organisation. That seemingly straight-forward question became a quagmire of epic proportion.
The NSCDC sent an adult man to address viewers in Nigeria and their representative did not have an idea what his organisation's website was. He tried so hard to whip up something in his head to say but the cerebral faculties just could not deliver. Remarkably, like a typical Nigerian, he tried to intimidate his interviewers like he had an idea what he wanted to say by telling them to 'wait now'. He also ensured he spoke in a confident loud voice with distracting gesticulations as part of his act. I pitied him at some point. The presenters should have figured it out immediately the stuttering started. The man simply did not know the website. Just let him be.
Another thing that got to me was the fact that he really couldn't come up with any 'phantom' website. I believe he could have spewed any website at all at that point just to save face. After all, it was not like any of the presenters was going to try to log on to the website immediately. Just say www.nscdc.com.ng or www.nscdc.org or www.nscdc.gov . Just say anything! What this tells me is that he is not a very intelligent man. He can't think on his feet and it disturbs me that he will sit on panels to interview Nigerian graduates who will apply to work for the NSCDC at different capacities. It disturbs me that such a man will one day, after rising to the highest level of service at the NSCDC, believe he is well equipped to lead and run for political office. The vicious cycle of madness and inanity will continue unabated. I find that very disturbing.
Again, many of us will laugh over this issue and forget the crux of the matter. We are in a dire state and I assure you that the folks at Nigerian Prisons, Nigerian Ports and Nigerian Immigration might not fare any better than our beloved NSCDC spokesman.
Interestingly, this man represents one of the organizations that we have entrusted with lives of Nigerians in the North and other parts of Nigeria. You then wonder how Boko Haram is winning the terror war when our troops are under the supervision of men like these. Ask an average Policeman what the Nigerian Police website is(if it's functional of course). You will be shocked. In this age of technology, where information dissemination goes faster than avian copulation, it is disheartening to think our security personnel are still this dull. In an age where the SSS, Nigerian Army, Police, NIA and others should have a central data bank where vital intelligence information can be shared?
Alas, that is the story of our country. In this man's village, he is probably a chief. After all the NSCDC thought him smart enough to represent the entire organization on national television. For this singular act, I would have him queried if I were the Director General of the NSCDC. There's a difference between forgetting momentarily and not knowing entirely. This man did not know that website, not that he forgot. When he managed to come up with anything, he simply said "www.nscdc..... " He doesn't even know there should be a suffix like .com or .org. We should even give him credit and thank God that he even knows websites begin with 'www'. He could have said '0-8-0'.
Finally, my brethren, we are in God's hands o! For those who still believe the government provides security, I wish them luck.
For me and my household "the Lord is my refuge and my fortress; In Him will I trust".
Tuesday 12 March 2013
Monday 11 March 2013
Education & Nigeria's Bright Future
I was at a stand-up comedy event over the weekend and while we waited for the show to begin the organisers decided to entertain us with candid videos of some our favourite Nigerian celebrities. They were given a 'word of the day' and were asked for the meaning of these words. Initially, I found the stuttering quite amusing but this was short-lived. It soon turned into a horror flick as the videos reeled on the screen.
I believe it is only fair we all watch these videos before reading further just so this satire makes any sense. Below are some of the links. If however, you have any difficulty with opening these links directly from my page, I suggest you google 'flytime TV word of the day'. There are about 6 or 7 of such videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6o8QQUITBg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97yRm8I_tPg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtcoWFeY_V4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCP8piTuOGE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qlJglcvXJo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hubPPqwVyd4
I decided at some point to believe some of the people interviewed were simply joking around. But then again, what if they weren't?
Timaya had never heard of the word 'Incumbent'. Ice Prince believed 'incumbent' meant something that was about happen. Sexy Steel and Tiwa Savage practically just gave up in frankness. They accepted they didn't know the meaning of the words. The same thing played out for words like haphazard, conspicuous, penultimate and traumatize.
To buttress what I always knew about our eroded value system, one of the artistes actually pleaded with the interviewer to ask him what a brand of champagne was instead of the definition of an English word. Another one said 'No be English I take blow o!'. He really did speak the truth. He didn't blow with English. He did with senseless lyrics. Why teach the viewers how to spell when you could tell them of the finest cognac and flashy cars.
Another striking feature in these horror shows was the foreign accent with which the faltering artistes spoke. Nigerians are wonderful people you know! Even the ones who claimed they lived abroad before moving down here and the ones who are television presenters didn't fare any better. While the video played, I looked around and everyone was laughing really hard! The audience obviously thought watching their superstars bungle English words and their meanings was intensely hilarious. For me,there was absolutely nothing funny about it. Rather, we need to take a minute and ask ourselves some very serious questions.
Who are the role models our young people have? Are they not these same artistes they watch on Soundcity every afternoon after school. All our young people want to dress and talk like our superstar artistes. They want to copy the 'swag' and adopt the neologism from their 'heroes' on television. In 2009, only 26% of the students that sat for the SSCE had at least a credit in five subjects including Mathematics and English Language. In 2010, it dropped to 24.7% and then 31% in 2011. Last year, we experienced a 'staggering' rise in our pass rate to 38.8%. In four years, we have never passed 40% pass rate in WAEC. This includes the candidates that sat for their exams in 'Special centres' and those who passed the exams with the aid of 'bullets' and the popular 'Keypoints'. Even with all our machinery, machination and mercenary, 4-out-of-10 remains a tall order for us?
According to the 2011 UN Human Development report, over two-thirds of the world's 793 million illiterate adults are found in only eight countries (Bangladesh, China, Egypt, Ethiopia, India, Indonesia, NIGERIA, and Pakistan). Not bad company if you ask me. China is a world super-power and Bangladesh makes the coolest tee-shirts! Again, I am worried that this 61.3% literacy rate includes people like Kenny St.Brown, who claims she is a graduate of English (as stated in one of the videos) and who believes the word 'haphazard' means 'stopping in the middle or half-way'. Amazing!
I once read a quote from someone I can't quite remember now. He said 'education used to mean a lot to me until graduates began working for illiterates'. He could not have said it better.
The richest young people in Nigeria today are not school-smart. They can't define simple English words. They wear Brazilian hair and are 'swagged' like there's no tomorrow. They are fashion icons and drive the classiest Aston Martins and Range Rovers. They 'pop' champagne every other night and travel to the most glamorous countries. I assume the footballers would not have fared any better either. Today, wealth in my country isn't encrypted in degrees or good diction. The question is, what is our definition of wealth?
There's a reason our WAEC pass rates are stunted. Who cares if Iyanya can spell so long he can wind his waist to Kukere and tell women 'all I want is your waist'. Who cares if Dammy Krane's IQ makes a toad look like a genius so long he can assure us 'ko le re body'? Who cares if Timaya is smart so long he can ask us to 'shake our bum-bum'. Education used to be the key to the future. The money is no longer in the classrooms. It simply isn't.
Let's just keep dancing. The future of Nigeria is so bright we would need sunglasses to look at it else we get blinded by the light. Yes, it is that bright...
Mr Tai Solarin always said 'Knowledge is light'. He caned it into his pupils in Ikenne. If only he knew how times have now changed.
I believe it is only fair we all watch these videos before reading further just so this satire makes any sense. Below are some of the links. If however, you have any difficulty with opening these links directly from my page, I suggest you google 'flytime TV word of the day'. There are about 6 or 7 of such videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6o8QQUITBg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97yRm8I_tPg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtcoWFeY_V4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCP8piTuOGE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qlJglcvXJo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hubPPqwVyd4
I decided at some point to believe some of the people interviewed were simply joking around. But then again, what if they weren't?
Timaya had never heard of the word 'Incumbent'. Ice Prince believed 'incumbent' meant something that was about happen. Sexy Steel and Tiwa Savage practically just gave up in frankness. They accepted they didn't know the meaning of the words. The same thing played out for words like haphazard, conspicuous, penultimate and traumatize.
To buttress what I always knew about our eroded value system, one of the artistes actually pleaded with the interviewer to ask him what a brand of champagne was instead of the definition of an English word. Another one said 'No be English I take blow o!'. He really did speak the truth. He didn't blow with English. He did with senseless lyrics. Why teach the viewers how to spell when you could tell them of the finest cognac and flashy cars.
Another striking feature in these horror shows was the foreign accent with which the faltering artistes spoke. Nigerians are wonderful people you know! Even the ones who claimed they lived abroad before moving down here and the ones who are television presenters didn't fare any better. While the video played, I looked around and everyone was laughing really hard! The audience obviously thought watching their superstars bungle English words and their meanings was intensely hilarious. For me,there was absolutely nothing funny about it. Rather, we need to take a minute and ask ourselves some very serious questions.
Who are the role models our young people have? Are they not these same artistes they watch on Soundcity every afternoon after school. All our young people want to dress and talk like our superstar artistes. They want to copy the 'swag' and adopt the neologism from their 'heroes' on television. In 2009, only 26% of the students that sat for the SSCE had at least a credit in five subjects including Mathematics and English Language. In 2010, it dropped to 24.7% and then 31% in 2011. Last year, we experienced a 'staggering' rise in our pass rate to 38.8%. In four years, we have never passed 40% pass rate in WAEC. This includes the candidates that sat for their exams in 'Special centres' and those who passed the exams with the aid of 'bullets' and the popular 'Keypoints'. Even with all our machinery, machination and mercenary, 4-out-of-10 remains a tall order for us?
According to the 2011 UN Human Development report, over two-thirds of the world's 793 million illiterate adults are found in only eight countries (Bangladesh, China, Egypt, Ethiopia, India, Indonesia, NIGERIA, and Pakistan). Not bad company if you ask me. China is a world super-power and Bangladesh makes the coolest tee-shirts! Again, I am worried that this 61.3% literacy rate includes people like Kenny St.Brown, who claims she is a graduate of English (as stated in one of the videos) and who believes the word 'haphazard' means 'stopping in the middle or half-way'. Amazing!
I once read a quote from someone I can't quite remember now. He said 'education used to mean a lot to me until graduates began working for illiterates'. He could not have said it better.
The richest young people in Nigeria today are not school-smart. They can't define simple English words. They wear Brazilian hair and are 'swagged' like there's no tomorrow. They are fashion icons and drive the classiest Aston Martins and Range Rovers. They 'pop' champagne every other night and travel to the most glamorous countries. I assume the footballers would not have fared any better either. Today, wealth in my country isn't encrypted in degrees or good diction. The question is, what is our definition of wealth?
There's a reason our WAEC pass rates are stunted. Who cares if Iyanya can spell so long he can wind his waist to Kukere and tell women 'all I want is your waist'. Who cares if Dammy Krane's IQ makes a toad look like a genius so long he can assure us 'ko le re body'? Who cares if Timaya is smart so long he can ask us to 'shake our bum-bum'. Education used to be the key to the future. The money is no longer in the classrooms. It simply isn't.
Let's just keep dancing. The future of Nigeria is so bright we would need sunglasses to look at it else we get blinded by the light. Yes, it is that bright...
Mr Tai Solarin always said 'Knowledge is light'. He caned it into his pupils in Ikenne. If only he knew how times have now changed.
Thursday 7 March 2013
A Five Without Its Six
It was just before 5p.m on that Wednesday when my phone rang. Our neighbour called me and asked where I was at the time. I found it strange that he would ask me such a question. We had been neighbours for a few years now and not once did he call to ask me such. He asked that I return home immediately after I picked my toddler from day care. Something required my urgent attention in the house apparently.
So, 2013 turned on its head within the first twenty two days. I would never see you again and I didn't have a say in my best friend's departure. We woke up on the same bed this morning. We talked about 'nothing' really. We just gossipped like primary school kids. We laughed then you scolded then we laughed again. The girls were getting ready for school while you played with your only son like you always did in the morning. You tried to feed him before I dropped him off at his creche. Your eyes lit up every time you carried him. I could tell you were intensely proud in our little prince, just as you were of his three older sisters. We left you in the house to do 'school runs'. We left you forever.
I am in the living room now and its about 7p.m. The house is filled with people dear. I can see their faces but I do not recognize them. Their lips are moving incongruously but I hear nothing. I always knew there was a difference between looking and seeing. Between listening and hearing. I can't see or hear anything. You are conspicuously missing at home.
They are all here because of you. Honey, where are you? They keep asking me to be strong. They keep hugging me and some are crying. I've heard 'It is well' at least a million and one times since I arrived at home. So much so that I think I will scream if I hear the now trite remark again. Our first daughter is seated on the dinning chair looking indifferent. She probably has never seen this much people in our house at the same time. She's old enough to comprehend the concept of death and your departure. The two other girls look stricken. Hypnotised maybe. They were the first to see you lying quietly and lifeless on the kitchen floor. I imagine they probably thought Daddy was playing a prank when they shook your cold body to announce their arrival from school. The trauma and horror that must have followed upon realizing that the life in you was gone is something I wish they didn't have to experience at such young ages.
Honey, this was not the plan. When you said good bye this morning, I didn't know you meant it would be forever. You sounded like you'll be here when I got back in the evening. I can't even remember if I kissed you before I left the house. Dear God, I hope I did. I think I was rushing to beat that Abraham Adesanya and Ajah traffic. The month is ending soon so work has been a bit demanding as my department has been reviewing the books for the month and planning staff salaries. Maybe if I had any inkling I would never see you again I would have taken the day off to hear you say the nice things you are now renowned for. Maybe I would have cooked you your favourite dish and let you kiss all our kids on their foreheads with parting paternal blessings. Maybe I would have just sat there looking into your eyes and staring all day knowing I would never see you again. But then, life is like that. In a single second, everything could change. In a second, a world could implode just as mine has today with your demise.
The whole street is lined with vehicles. There are relatives, friends and strangers. All looking at me and shaking like heads sombrely. So, this is what it feels like to be widowed at any age at all. Our son is playing around the room. Oblivious of the fact that his biggest fan is no more. It pains me more that he only had you for less than two years of his life. You had such big plans for the young man. He'll never have you at his milestones. That shatters me! We had planned three walks down the aisle, one for each of the girls. Now, I would have to do all this by myself. I think I'm anaesthetised. I feel something a bit more grave than pain. I feel numb. A voice in my head tells me you are on one of your business trips. Surely, you can't be dead. You are in Ilorin or Abuja. My 6 can't leave me in this wicked world all by myself. It's not his nature not to keep his words. You adored our kids too much to leave them this soon. Then again, the other very frightening voice in my head tells me 'What if he is indeed not coming back?'.
They are all here. Relatives who have benefited from your largess are here wailing. Who do they run to now for help as you were the pillar in the family. You enjoyed the role and ensured you did it with a smile always. Neighbours who lived with you in the estate are also here looking shell-shocked. They still waved at you over the fence a few hours and days before. You were full of life and charm. Your pleasant personality was hard not to admire. Some of your business partners are here also. The documents they were planning to send to your office for your perusal and signature all lie there now. As null and as void as ever. Some of them are probably still owing you consultancy fees for some work you did for them. We'll never know now, would we?
You were the centre of my world. No. Actually, you were my world itself. How does the sun exist without a sky? Can an ocean be what it is without water? I can't find words to express how much you meant to my being. There are really no words. Especially now that you are not here. Especially now that you are lying in a cold drawer with no clothing on your back. Words fail me really. Where exactly do I begin? How do I continue without my guardian angel? You promised me forever! Forever can't be seventeen years only! This was simply not the plan my darling...
I believe God exists now. If I ever doubted His omnipotence, the events of the last few hours have certainly changed that. Surely, there's a more superior power controlling this world. How else does one explain this absurd event. You were well this morning! It didn't even cross my mind that you'll not be here when I drove into the house in the evening! Verily, life as I know it will be never be the same. Sleeping and waking without you will be torture. I suspect it will get even worse as the days pass and turn into weeks and months.
I need to wake up from this nightmare. It must be a vile prank and it must stop. It is very unfair to have my emotions played with like this. This must stop! I'm nothing without my number 6!
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord"- Romans 8 vs 35-39
03:11:1962 - 23:01:2013
Sun re o...
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