Ducks & Drakes

Ring the alarm..believe me, there's trouble in the land folks.

If our parents thought they saw it all in marriage, they must have be deluded. What my generation has turned marriage into will make even the toughest of hearts quiver.

Hitherto, Nigerian married men were the ones blazing the trail in extra-marital affairs. They were on a roll and the men thought life couldn't be any rosier. Well, look again fellas. The women are no longer smiling o.

A friend of mine shared his experience with me last week. A newly married lady in her twenties is a contact on his BlackBerry. She's been married for just under two years. They started talking and at some point, the conversation took a funny dimension. To his utmost despair, the 'wife' overtly and lucidly suggested a physical affair. She didn't just suggest it, she asked for and tabled details of what would constitute an erotic orgy in her books. Interestingly, her BlackBerry status read 'Loving you makes my life beautiful' with a kiss smiley. I assume she puts up the 'My hubby is the best in the world' display pictures often too.

I have met another young man who once dated a married mother of two whose family is based abroad. She found an excuse to come into Lagos, left her husband and kids and was camped in a hotel somewhere in Lagos with my bachelor friend. Her wedding band never left her finger.

A very close acquaintance of mine ran into an old friend during his NYSC orientation camp in Ipaja. She had changed a lot. She had added some flesh but she was now married with a 3 year old daughter. Like they say 'like play, like play', they started talking and before he knew it, the lady was asking to see him at her house. He eventually paid her a visit in her matrimonial home and she did everything but put up a neon sign saying 'Let's have sex'. My friend feigned 'deaf, dumb and blind'. He ran away that day with a bulge in his pants muttering 'the dog that runs lives to fight another day'. I laughed very hard.

The women have seen the light! They have eaten the fruit from the 'tree in the middle of the garden'. They have grabbed the bull by the horns. After all, what is good for the drake is also good for the duck.

Recently, a DNA scientist submitted that three out of ten Nigerian men are not the biologic fathers of the kids that currently call them Daddy. What this means is that, even if they were by chance present in the room during conception, their DNA couldn't have jumped in to fertilize their wives eggs. Many people think this statistic is hyperbolic. They say, yes, its bad but certainly not that bad. I, on the other hand, am in acquiescence with that figure.

What really has gone wrong? When and how did we feed our morals and values to dogs?

The men no doubt introduced the concept of infidelity. They developed the concept and perfected its execution. That, it would eventually be mastered by the wives is something I strongly doubt they foresaw or planned for.

I always enjoy comparing my generation to that of my parents. Till date, I am still quite uncertain as to how many women my grandfather espoused. All I know for sure is that he was an intensely virile man, judging by the number of first-, middle- and last cousins I have. These men were doyens of polygamy. The concubines sometimes even outnumbered the legal wives. They chased women like diabetics in hot pursuit of a trucks laden with insulin. Yet, the women managed to remain 'pious' and undauntedly loyal. Don't get me wrong, I am sure a couple of them had extra-marital affairs but it certainly was not as brazen and blatant as it is today. Today, my generation is the duck and drake one. The man cheats and its okay, but the woman is bad when she does?

I will never endorse sexism. I will continue to condemn a man who marries one woman and beds another, irrespective of his reason. All I am saying is two wrongs will never make a right. Okay, so the wife too now cheats! So what? Has the problem now disappeared? Is the home any less vile and terminal? I truly feel for women sometimes, they are occasionally very unlucky when saddled with irresponsible randy husbands while society expects them to act like everything is fine. Its detestably unfair! But, objectively, it is the lesser of the two evils. In fairness, a woman is more likely to contact STD's than a man following sexual contact. I know what you are thinking, even Nature sometimes favours the male gender.

Many people believe women have a higher threshold for putting up with crap before they resort to infidelity. They believe that it takes a lot for a woman to finally cheat on her insolent husband. They say the man must have shown her hell and its four corners before she gives up and looks for a willing alternative source of companionship. I can understand that, the lady chasing my NYSC friend no longer called the man she married her husband, she addressed him as the 'father of her daughter' and she was ready and willing to defile their matrimonial bed with my good friend. Her husband was 'that' bad!

Another school of thought believes that a woman should not get to that point of resorting to infidelity. They believe the woman should endeavor to work the sails before the boat drifts off to sea. They think she should quickly make some adjustments to win back her deviant husband. Again, its grossly unfair, that she's the one who should try to make changes while the man loafs around. Certainly, a man who will cheat will cheat even with any marked change the woman makes. But the effort may count for something. How would she ever know if she does not try?. If you nag over small issues, stop it. If you have added significant weight and lost your spark to the demands of running a home, then get in shape. Make your hair, plan outings and dress to kill (figuratively, of course!). If its fatigue and loss of libido, push yourself a bit. Try to do your bit and leave the rest to God. Note, that I have seen men with incredibly hot wives cheating. The reason why they do it remains a mystery.

Its not all bad news though. I have also met men who do not cheat. I have met those who used to cheat but have now found their way like the biblical prodigal son. They are now prim and proper. There are likewise others who haven't cheated but have contemplated it at some point. Some have not even thought about it but eventually will. It may never occur to a few others. Change they say is constant and people change. I know all the women reading will claim the last category of men. God is watching you o!

This dangerous trend of married cougars on the loose is profoundly scary. Not just is it not healthy medically and spiritually. It is also worrisome to and for their accomplices -the young bachelors. They subconsciously imbibe the new meaning marriage is given by this their misadventure with married women. The insightful ones would have imagined how their own marriages would turn out if the tables ever turned or if karma really existed. Gradually, they lose faith in the institution of marriage and the rot will continue unabated.

My generation befuddles me greatly. You go see tire!

I read a simple tweet yesterday. It was short but deep.

'Many are married but few are happy'.

Don't leave this page with your thoughts. Drop them in the comment box. I'd really like to read them.




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