Whatever You Do...Don't Break.

    Some months ago I penned my thoughts about a story of a boy and a girl. I believe they were called Dave and Rose. Interestingly, this was probably the first and only article my parents read. I'm yet to wrap my head around how and why they picked this particular one but that's for another day. They left the blog convinced their first son was suffering from clinical depression with some element of bipolar mania.

    You see, life has taught me there's a bit of Dave and Rose in all of us. Since that article, many waters have passed under the bridge. Friends have broken up, others have fallen in love while some others are still waddling by in their relationships. In all, everyday, life continues to teach us new things about ourselves and the people we are with. The onus is on us to ensure those salient messages are not missed.

    I am currently in my longest relationship ever. Thanks to the inevitablilty of aging, my threshold for 'vexing' has appreciably become higher. I often tell people that the heart is probably the most pliable and most malleable part of the human anatomy. You think you've found love that will make your heart stop? Just wait! Your heart will stop many times. Thank God for pacemakers and defibrillators!

The penultimate relationship was one that intially looked like it was destined for an altar. Mutual respect, overt expression of love and affection and unbridled support for the 'one'. But you know what, those were not enough. Apparently, an impeccable dress sense was a key piece of the jigsaw of a relationship at the time. A piece I somehow didn’t find for the 9months the heart was ‘beating’ for her.

 

    So, it ended. Like the others before it. And guess what, the frigging heart kept beating! What happened to all the ‘I can’t live without you’? In those nine months, it was hard to imagine living without that relationship. I asked myself so many questions at the time. Why wasn’t I good enough? What should I have done differently? Was it all a farce?

 

    It didn’t end because I was the worst boyfriend ever. It didn’t end because I was the worst dresser either. It ended because like the seasons, her job was done. She was sent my way to teach me something and I’m grateful for the opportunity to learn. I have no regrets whatsoever because she was sent to prepare me for the current relationship. You see, there’s a reason we have different seasons for the weather. Each serves a particular purpose just like the people who walk in and out of our lives. We must recognize these seasons (and people) and allow them to go when their work is done no matter how much hurt we feel by their transience.

 
    It took another two years for the obstinate heart to beat for someone again. But this time, it was a heart that had learnt the importance of looking good and having a vibrant wardrobe[sic]. It was a heart that was more mature and one that valued openness. Note that these are not foolproof assurances that this current relationship won’t end. Far from it. But they are not about the other person, they are entirely about me. When people at work now think I’m a ‘fashionista’, I look around in disbelief. Here’s the same person who was tossed for having a queer dress sense. But I realize that, subconsciously, I have had to up my game, making me feel more confident and more self-assured. There’s an aura that comes with stepping into a room knowing without an iota of doubt that you are looking fabulous! Her job was to lead me on that part of self-assurance. God did not designate her to enter into that ‘Promise land’ like Moses, but she pointed the path to me.

    Life throws us curve-balls every time. You must keep going. Don’t focus on the fact that it ended or why it ended. Appreciate the lessons and the areas you improved as a human being. The mistake many of us make is that we hand over the keys of our happiness to the other person forgetting we must first love ourselves before someone else can love us. Be a better person first, whether on your own or with someone. Appreciate the opportunity to be tested by a relationship. Improve on grey areas accentuated or brought to the fore by being with someone else. You are not bad, you are just in the school of life. Don’t ever put yourself down with the misconception that you are not good enough. The butterfly started out as an egg and was once a pupa. We don’t see those stages of the metamorphosis; we only see the finished product – a bright colored butterfly!

 
    Let metamorphosis take its course! Don’t concede defeat at the pupa stage! Refuse to be broken. Thank everyone who walks out on you during your evolution. More importantly, do not miss the lessons they were sent to teach you. Build on the positives of the sojourn with them. Be sure you’ve grown so that whoever stumbles into your path again meets a bright shining piece of art of a human being that is you. It may hurt but there’s no point planting in winter when the season is simply not right! Recognize seasons and ask yourself ‘What have I learnt?’. Be sure to answer sincerely.


Don't look back! Remain a wonderful person. Dress up just because it's a new bright morning. Treat yourself every now and then. Lose weight! Feel good about yourself. Sleep well. Party when you can. Hang out as much as you can. Meet new people and live a little. Take care of you and love you first! Make them wonder what they lost everytimw your paths cross. Be outstanding!

 
Never, ever, give up on making yourself better or more beautiful.

 
I read somewhere that ‘often times in life, we are too busy chasing after people who we think are for us that we fail to look back to see those chasing us’.

 

P.S- Yes, I am Dave!