Forgiveness - The Sum Of All Fruits

"The weak cannot forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong"- Mahatma Gandhi

There are a few men I wish chance allowed me to meet. One of them is the enigmatic Gandhi. You see, life is a funny place. We all adopt 'role models' for different reasons. For me, Gandhi's wisdom and simplistic lifestyle were clinchers. His words are 'alive' even till today, sixty-five years after he left this cruel Earth. Gandhi's quotes exude selflessness, compassion & humanity. I first read the one above some years ago and it didn't quite register with me until recently. Another favourite from him must be the 'I like your Christ but I do not like your Christians because you Christians are nothing like your Christ' one. Another quote with palpable relevance even till this present day.

So, it's not longer news that the Bible admonishes us to forgive our neighbours. Remember the now banal Lord's Prayer?

"...and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us..."

Many of us learnt these lines in Sunday School as toddlers and reciting it has become a mere ritual. We often do not ponder on the words we speak, thus the Prayer has now become banality. Words devoid of any ounce of meaning.

Since the turn of the New Year, life has been rather caustic in terms of mortality. There's hardly any week that passes that I don't see black display pictures and somber status messages on my Blackberry signifying the demise of someone's loved one. It just never ends. It strikes every cadre of humanity. The rich, the poor, the young and the old. It hit close to home also, my family has visited the cemetery twice this first half of 2013 to inter two Uncles. We hope for a more 'sparing' and 'less devouring' second half. The point is, nothing is certain in life and these abrupt terminations of earthly sojourns are designed to constantly remind us of the vanity and transience of our time here.

If Gandhi's admonition didn't make any sense to me, it did following the demise of my second Uncle in March. We weren't particularly close even though he was my mum's direct younger brother. He wasn't a perfect human being, had several flaws, top of which was his seeming belligerence while he was alive. He had a lot of friction with many people while he lived including my mum and I often thought he got more attention than he deserved. He was someone I just blotted out of my mind and jejunely advised my mum to do also but she wouldn't. Unfortunately, he had a protracted duel with ill-health and finally bowed out of the ring in March. All through the illness, my mother showed me being a Christian was more than a title but a way of life. For a sibling who had received so much venom and ill from a younger one, she went out of her way to ensure he got decent health care. She was always eager to get him up and running again even with all the friction they had in recent years.

Eventually, he passed on and in my thirty years on Earth, I had never seen my mother as distraught as she was following his demise. I didn't need to be Einstein to figure out the fact that she still loved him deeply and his exit struck her gravely. I admired her exemplary character quietly. I was not quite sure I had it in me to be that nice to anyone who had such 'bad-blood' for me. But my mummy taught me. She taught me that in life, people will hurt you but that in the end, we are simply pawns on God's chess table. He pushes us in any direction He alone deems fit. We really do not have any control over the people we meet during our years on Earth. He places each person in our path for a specific purpose. To teach us or prepare us for our next path or to remind us not to lose sight of our final destination.

You see, Jesus knew Judas Iscariot was the one chosen to betray Him. You really think Judas wanted to be the one remembered by all of humanity as the snitch who sold out for a few gold coins? If it was a choice, I don't think Judas would have risked it. But it was not, it had been written and not Jesus or Judas could change that. God had predestined and positioned Judas to be betrayer and he made his path cross that of Jesus at the appointed time. Imagine today, that you got wind of a mole in your company who was about to sell out. You had solid evidence to that effect. Would you sit back and wait for prophecy to be fulfilled or would you strike first and preserve your life? Yes, I know what you are thinking.

We must learn to trust God's plan for our lives. He knows why everyone who comes in or goes out of our lives does so. Even when people hurt us, we must remember 'His plans for us are of good and not of evil, to bring you to an expected end' [Jer 29 vs 11]. He knows why you were hurt and He alone knows what the divine plan is. Let it go! The perpetrator is just a messenger who does not his own will but that of divine arrangement. No matter how grave you think you have been hurt, forgive and move on. Hurt, scarred, vengeful, bitter or otherwise, one day, some day, we all end up in the same neighborhood....six feet below!

Another apt and deep quote that has struck a chord in my heart lately is the one that says 'Expecting the world to be nice to you simply because you are nice is like expecting a lion not to eat you just because you don't eat lions'. What it teaches us is that we must keep being the best we can be even in the face of unreciprocated love and inhumanity. It's not about them, it's about your Maker, yourself and your 'expected end'.

So, who has hurt you? Is your God bigger than that person. If He is, then leave vengeance for Him and pray for that fellow. That way, you experience peace like never before. Be the bigger person and let it go.

I'm not as strong as my mum as I discovered recently. No, it's not about biceps or pectoralis muscles. It will never be. But, she's my 'hero' and I think she's a fantastic human being. Her life has made an impression on me and she has taught me without using words the real essence of living. My sincere prayer is that someday, my life will speak of God's 'ka-bi-yo-osi' like hers has done to me! Oh, that will be glorious...

All the fruits [love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control] grow on one tree. For me, that tree is called Forgiveness.

Think about it, you can be the bigger person!

Whatever You Do...Don't Break.

    Some months ago I penned my thoughts about a story of a boy and a girl. I believe they were called Dave and Rose. Interestingly, this was probably the first and only article my parents read. I'm yet to wrap my head around how and why they picked this particular one but that's for another day. They left the blog convinced their first son was suffering from clinical depression with some element of bipolar mania.

    You see, life has taught me there's a bit of Dave and Rose in all of us. Since that article, many waters have passed under the bridge. Friends have broken up, others have fallen in love while some others are still waddling by in their relationships. In all, everyday, life continues to teach us new things about ourselves and the people we are with. The onus is on us to ensure those salient messages are not missed.

    I am currently in my longest relationship ever. Thanks to the inevitablilty of aging, my threshold for 'vexing' has appreciably become higher. I often tell people that the heart is probably the most pliable and most malleable part of the human anatomy. You think you've found love that will make your heart stop? Just wait! Your heart will stop many times. Thank God for pacemakers and defibrillators!

The penultimate relationship was one that intially looked like it was destined for an altar. Mutual respect, overt expression of love and affection and unbridled support for the 'one'. But you know what, those were not enough. Apparently, an impeccable dress sense was a key piece of the jigsaw of a relationship at the time. A piece I somehow didn’t find for the 9months the heart was ‘beating’ for her.

 

    So, it ended. Like the others before it. And guess what, the frigging heart kept beating! What happened to all the ‘I can’t live without you’? In those nine months, it was hard to imagine living without that relationship. I asked myself so many questions at the time. Why wasn’t I good enough? What should I have done differently? Was it all a farce?

 

    It didn’t end because I was the worst boyfriend ever. It didn’t end because I was the worst dresser either. It ended because like the seasons, her job was done. She was sent my way to teach me something and I’m grateful for the opportunity to learn. I have no regrets whatsoever because she was sent to prepare me for the current relationship. You see, there’s a reason we have different seasons for the weather. Each serves a particular purpose just like the people who walk in and out of our lives. We must recognize these seasons (and people) and allow them to go when their work is done no matter how much hurt we feel by their transience.

 
    It took another two years for the obstinate heart to beat for someone again. But this time, it was a heart that had learnt the importance of looking good and having a vibrant wardrobe[sic]. It was a heart that was more mature and one that valued openness. Note that these are not foolproof assurances that this current relationship won’t end. Far from it. But they are not about the other person, they are entirely about me. When people at work now think I’m a ‘fashionista’, I look around in disbelief. Here’s the same person who was tossed for having a queer dress sense. But I realize that, subconsciously, I have had to up my game, making me feel more confident and more self-assured. There’s an aura that comes with stepping into a room knowing without an iota of doubt that you are looking fabulous! Her job was to lead me on that part of self-assurance. God did not designate her to enter into that ‘Promise land’ like Moses, but she pointed the path to me.

    Life throws us curve-balls every time. You must keep going. Don’t focus on the fact that it ended or why it ended. Appreciate the lessons and the areas you improved as a human being. The mistake many of us make is that we hand over the keys of our happiness to the other person forgetting we must first love ourselves before someone else can love us. Be a better person first, whether on your own or with someone. Appreciate the opportunity to be tested by a relationship. Improve on grey areas accentuated or brought to the fore by being with someone else. You are not bad, you are just in the school of life. Don’t ever put yourself down with the misconception that you are not good enough. The butterfly started out as an egg and was once a pupa. We don’t see those stages of the metamorphosis; we only see the finished product – a bright colored butterfly!

 
    Let metamorphosis take its course! Don’t concede defeat at the pupa stage! Refuse to be broken. Thank everyone who walks out on you during your evolution. More importantly, do not miss the lessons they were sent to teach you. Build on the positives of the sojourn with them. Be sure you’ve grown so that whoever stumbles into your path again meets a bright shining piece of art of a human being that is you. It may hurt but there’s no point planting in winter when the season is simply not right! Recognize seasons and ask yourself ‘What have I learnt?’. Be sure to answer sincerely.


Don't look back! Remain a wonderful person. Dress up just because it's a new bright morning. Treat yourself every now and then. Lose weight! Feel good about yourself. Sleep well. Party when you can. Hang out as much as you can. Meet new people and live a little. Take care of you and love you first! Make them wonder what they lost everytimw your paths cross. Be outstanding!

 
Never, ever, give up on making yourself better or more beautiful.

 
I read somewhere that ‘often times in life, we are too busy chasing after people who we think are for us that we fail to look back to see those chasing us’.

 

P.S- Yes, I am Dave!