Governor Raji Fashola has awed many cynics who believed, hitherto, that good governance was impossible in this part of the world. I may not be one of those awed by his 'gargantuan' achievements in transforming Lagos into a mega-city but then, everyone has a right to his or her opinion.
The State government floated a tenancy law in 2011. Governor Fashola signed a document into law that made it a criminal offence for any landlord to lease residential property for more than a year at a go. This grave sin according to the laws of Lagos will attract a fine of one hundred thousand naira or a three month jail term. It is also an offence for any of the parties to destroy any part of the property in the process of enforcing his will or claim. He claims the law is designed to protect 'innocent' tenants from gluttonous and reprehensible landlords.
I know a woman in Lagos who pays her taxes and does legitimate business to make ends meet. Every kobo she owns, she toiled for. Today, she has managed to erect residential apartments in some parts of Lagos. Some years ago, she took in an 'innocent' tenant in one of her apartments. The tenant paid his first rent without hassle then took possession of the property like a gentle dove. Subsequent rents became imbroglios as this tenant turned out not to be so 'innocent' after all. Eventually, she became fed up and asked that he vacate the premises. What followed was a three-year tussle in the ever efficient Nigerian courts. This is a woman who didn't get a dime from any fellow to build that house. Her fate -and that of her hard-earned property- was now tossed in the hands of a detached and bored Judge. Eventually, the matter was ruled in her favour. The tenant who had lived in the house for free for the duration of the court case as well the year preceding the court proceedings was directed to vacate immediately and pay the 4-year rent in lieu. Good news right? Justice served abi?
Well, the 'innocent' tenant packed his property and vanished during the night. This is not fiction. Till date, his whereabouts remain unknown. The neighbours woke and found the house empty. The 'gluttonous' landlady was left to lick her wounds. She had been cheated by the same people Fashola is out to protect and now, she has nobody to turn to but to pick herself up and move on forfeiting 4-years worth of rent in the process.
The same woman purchased a property in Yaba area about a year or so ago. It was an old residential property with rooms that housed many families. The occupants were duly informed by the family that owned the property that the property had been put up for sale. To this end,, the instructed the caretaker to stop taking rents from the tenants. It took another year before the property was sold and all this while the tenants stayed rent-free. Upon the change of ownership to the woman in question, the occupants refused blatantly to vacate the property she had paid some millions of naira for. I was present at one of such meetings to persuade them to vacate the property. What I heard shocked me! The sitting tenants told the new owner to pay them off before they could leave her premises. I shuddered. Believe it or not, those tenants are still sitting pretty since April 2011 as the woman thought it was absurd to pay off tenants after paying humongous sums to the original owners. It's been almost two years since she paid for that property, she has neither developed it or even leased it out. These are the 'innocent' tenants Mr. Fashola intends to protect?
We must separate idealism from pragmatism. Neither Governor Fashola nor any other politician at that, has the right to tell a landlord what to do with his property. Real estate is a business. The laws of demand and supply must prevail. At best, common sense must prevail. What role has Mr. Fashola played in alleviating the suffering of landlords like the woman I have described above? Will Mr. Fashola run after nefarious fleeing tenants like the one first described above? Governor Fashola insists it is illegal for the owner of a property to tear the roof off a property that houses belligerent tenants. They have now spent over two years in the property rent-free. They are sitting tight because they know a court case will take another three years after which whatever the verdict, they'll escape unperturbed. Head or tail, they still win. The owner of the property incurs the loss from capital that has been tied down fallow for many years. Will Mr. Fashola pay the landlord the accrued interest on this dormant capital?
It is not enough to spew inane policies in the name of promulgating laws or impressing praise-singers. We must be fair to everyone involved. It is not enough to generalize all landlords as being vile just as it is folly to label all tenants as 'meek and innocent'.
I am not a landlord yet. I hope I become one at some point in the near future. When I do become one, I'll do with my property as I choose. Neither Mr. Fashola nor any proponent of his mega-city-Lagos-is-working charade was present when artisans almost ruptured the blood vessels in my brain by constantly inflating construction costs. Did Mr. Fashola subsidize the cement I bought thousands of bags of to erect my own property? Does Governor Fashola know how much it costs to perfect a certificate of occupancy in Alausa there under his nose? Is he aware I have to bribe everybody from the gate to the office of the Perm-Sec to get anything done on building approvals and so on? When the 'omo-oniles' descended on the property and I had to go and 'settle' them so work could continue on my property, where was Mr. Fashola then and his tenancy laws? Does he know how much land use charge is now in his state? So, the landlord has sinned against God now by owing landed property in Lagos that he must incur all these charges and still be told what to do with his property afterwards?
When I become a landlord and my property is up for lease, in order not to upset Governor Fashola, my rent which for example could have been say N50,000 per annum will be set at N100,000 per annum with one free year if you lease the property. Like one of those buy-on-get-one-free bonanzas. Shebi its the number of years I can lease that gives Oga Fashola a headache, not the amount I fix my rent as. So you pay twice the rate you would have paid for a year and I graciously 'dash' you one free year to stay on my property. Abi that one that one too na treason?
Ultimately, Nigeria is a peculiar society where everyone is out to bilk the next person. We must always consider these tendencies before labelling a set of industrious people as gluttonous. I have also met decent tenants who are respectful and reasonable. Nigeria, however, has made them endangered species.
No. It's not the Argungu fishing festival in that picture. It is not the Bonny Regatta either. What you see there is the Lagos Lagoon with our world-class Emergency 'Rescue' team.
So, following the sanitation exercise on Saturday, January 26, I dashed out of the Island en-route Magodo. It was just a little after 10:35am and I had just passed the Adekunle exit of the Third Mainland Bridge when I noticed 'something' flew off the Bridge into the lagoon. What followed was chaos as cars began parking as curious Lagosians leaned over the railings on the bridge to catch a glimpse of this 'unidentified flying object'. I immediately knew it had to be a vehicle. What else could it have been!
Mr Shola Oladimeji must have been a regular Lagosian till that fateful morning. When he drove out of his home that morning, I am certain he could not have guessed he would end up at the bottom of the Lagos lagoon a few minutes later. How he survived such a freak accident in Lagos, I will never understand. Never! What I do understand is that, first, he is alive because Jehovah has a specific mission for him which he is yet to achieve and second, he was not 'rescued' by our efficient Emergency services in Lagos a.k.a '7-6-7'.
Lagos is the commercial nerve centre of Nigeria. Does this picture above look like a 21st century shot? If you leave out the lone blue-roofed marine police boat, the picture could pass for a 1944 Ijaw regatta. This is the response team we despatched to save Mr Oladimeji.
The majority of the rescue men were Ijaw fishermen going about their normal 'daily bread' search. These are the same people, Governor Fashola insists are distorting his 'Eko Mega City' image and went after their cousins like a rabid canine some months back. I hope Governor Fashola understands that these fellows are a crucial part of our ecosystem in Lagos. Not only are they an established source of smoked fish, they are now the core -at least from this picture- of our marine Emergency response squad. Hounding them in the name of a factitious mega city will be to our own detriment and will be tantamount to grave folly on our part as Lagosians.
If Raji Fashola asked me -which I know he never would- I would advice him to develop these aquatic communities by mobilizing huge funds for sanitation and health. BRF can encourage these ones by siting standard schools in the communities with well paid teachers. He can site primary health centres among them to cater to the needs of the Ijaws. A vocational centre where skill acquisition in canoe construction and net assemblage can be gained will help. Alternative energy infrastructure to help these ones conserve their products will be appreciated instead of sending the Ministry of Environment after them. Venice in Italy, is a city built entirely on water and is now a foremost tourist centre in the world. When we chase them all from our 'mega city', will this one marine boat suffice in responding to distress calls?
In June 2008, I understand another banker plunged into the lagoon and was not as lucky as Mr Shola Oladimeji. The rescue men were probably asleep as not much fishing goes on at night. From what I gather, rescue operations did not start till 4a.m even though the accident occurred the previous night. While this is totally unconfirmed, I won't be startled if it holds some iota of truth. What this tells us that without those Ijaws, we are practically helpless in the event of marine accidents. Time and chance happens to us all. To Mr Oladimeji, fate chose 10am. Replace that a.m with p.m and Mr Oladimeji would be a dead man by now.
It then begs the question. Who exactly is responsible for such emergency responses? The FRSC? The Police? NEMA? All of the aforementioned? Does the government have any other equipment apart from this lone marine boat and the heavy duty equipment it 'borrows' from Julius Berger? Do the people in government watch CNN and see the manner of specialized equipment and manpower despatched in the event of exigencies? Do we have marine response units that are well trained and undergo regular drills? Your guesses as to the answers to these questions are as good as mine. Capital N-O. We all saw the Costa Concordia drama in Italy. That is the kind of response you expect from serious nations of the world.
Nigeria is a reactive nation. A docile and indolent bunch. Nobody thinks of anything till disaster strikes. We didn't audit our aviation sector till that Dana plane smashed into homes in Iju. We didn't wonder about routine maintenance till that Navy helicopter plummeted into the swamps in Bayelsa in December. We will not review our emergency services till it fails a 'big man' though the lack of them kills Nigerians like ants everyday. We will wait and say it is well.
I am reminded of a story on Newsline in the days of Frank Olize many years ago. A house was burning in Ikoyi. The owner of the property, a lady, allegedly called the fire service and was told there was no water in the trucks. She parted with money for the fire service to buy water and diesel. Somewhere on the way to the burning house, the truck broke down and the firemen sat looking aloof while the driver 'formed' activity by sticking his head into the engine compartment trying to fix the malfunction. All this while, the house kept burning.
Please note, this does not mean you should not call 767 when you have or notice an emergency. Hopefully, they'll respond better to you than they did me a year ago. The ambulance was despatched, it just never got to me.
May God help us.
I'm not one of those who believe in New Year resolutions. I discovered at a young age in my life that there really wasn't any point making any. The older I've become, the more I have realised that resolutions are what they are. Mere words. This is why the only resolution I make now is to strive to be closer to my God in the new year. This 2013, I broke my own rule. I made a resolution besides the regular one I stated above.
This 2013, I made a resolution to completely ignore any of Nigeria's antics in global self-ridicule. I made a mental note to stop hassling myself about Nigeria's dire state. I promised myself that I would not devote time on this blog to ponder on Nigeria's sorry state. Alas, I'm about to break that resolution.
Sometime in January, my President was at the World Economic Forum in Davos where he granted an interview to CNN's Christiane Amanpour. The seven and a half minute show of shame can be viewed here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwGzypkUS8A
In this interview President Jonathan graciously asserted that the power sector was one of the areas where Nigerians were particularly happy with what his government has done in the last two or so years. What followed was an uproar on social media. This uproar was not from Americans or Iranians. It was from Nigerians who took to social media to call their own President all sorts of unpalatable names. Even that did not shock Ebele as this is something he is now accustomed to. The drama, unfortunately, did not end there.
During a football game in America, there was a power cut and again Nigerians, not Americans, went gaga on Twitter. We went on about how it was a usual thing for power to elude citizens in Lagos and indeed Nigeria. Barely two weeks before, our President told the world that Nigerians were happy with him as the power had improved remarkably and now the same Nigerians-who are supposedly ecstatic-are tweeting that the power situation is horrid. Christiane Amanpour must have been very befuddled. So she compiled a small report about what the people on Nigerian streets were actually saying about the power situation. If you haven't seen it then watch here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGNIUNtCF48&feature=share
What followed this short exposition by Amanpour was outrage from a few people including Maupe Ogun. She demanded an apology from Amanpour for making a joke out of Nigeria and went on about how there had been an improvement in the situation which the CNN lady deliberately kept quiet about. Maupe, in my view, did not just bite more than she could chew by trying to take on Amanpour, she also did so unreasonably. What exactly has Amanpour done that she should apologise for? Did she concoct those tweets sent in by Nigerians? Did she pay the Nigerians that tweeted to rubbish Nigeria? What was even funny about the snippet of our shame that she helped us broadcast to the world? Or was this, indeed, her only crime?
I have inadvertently caught Maupe Ogun on her daily show on Channels TV. From the little I've seen the only striking thing about her is that her command of the English language is better than that of our First Lady and Karen Igho. I also understand she holds a Masters degree from a British institution and was so outstanding that she was invited as one of the journalists that anchored a Presidential chat with the incumbent sometime last year. If I remember correctly, Nigeria was not any better at the time of that media parley and Maupe and her colleagues were well aware of that fact. Instead of taking the golden opportunity to ask Mr President some nerve-racking and hard-hitting questions, Maupe sat there smiling from molar-to-molar like a village virgin who was about to be deflowered by the rich village Chief. I found it sickening. I find it even more sickening that she went after Amanpour for no sensible reason.
I do not know what part of Lagos Maupe resides and how outstanding PHCN is in her neighbourhood so I won't understand where she noticed the improvement. Where I live there's hardly power when I am going to bed and when I'm leaving for work in the morning. How PHCN fares in between that time I can't even attest to. I am speaking entirely for myself as those Nigerians,not Americans, in Amanpour's report did for themselves. We must appreciate that for a country that is perennially in darkness the generality of the people will notice any slight improvement in power supply. And even where this power has improved, at what cost is it in terms of Naira and Kobo.
Christiane Amanpour isn't our enemy. Just as Rick Ross wasn't when he came to shoot a video in our slums. Just like the Ghanaians that told us the truth some months ago that resulted in the small fracas between them and us on social media. They just told us the very ugly truth! This same truth we do not like to hear. We delude ourselves with the 'only Nigerians have the right to taunt Nigeria' concept. It is silly and excruciatingly dull of us to continue to think this way.
While I appreciate the crave for public attention by the likes of Maupe Ogun, I must implore her to do so within the confines of common sense. Her grudge is misdirected as Amanpour does not-and will never-control what Nigerians in Nigeria tweet and say in front of a camera. Next time, Maupe, 'look face' before you pick a fight. My candid advice for Maupe is to, in fact, aspire to achieve Christiane Amanpour's feats in international journalism. The woman has been to war-ravaged regions to report crisis all over the world and hit hard at political leaders across the globe with daunting questions while Maupe sits inside Channels studio every morning hugging an iPad in the name of presenting a talk show. No offence, Maupe, but next to Christiane, you are featherweight and will remain such if you do not begin to apply yourself more to objective journalism. Ants do not go to war with elephants my dear.
Meanwhile, like the folks in Lagos in Amanpour's video, I think the power is just as abysmal as it was years ago. I still woke yesterday night drenched in sweat because there was no power and the weather was hot. I will still get home today and not even bother to flip the switches because I'm almost certain that there would be no power in them. In fact, when I do get home and hear the freezer rumbling with power I get worried. That is the honest truth.
Amanpour and the rest of the world called our bluff. They saw through our frivolous claims. They are not our enemies. Enemies do not tell you the truth like they have done.
We call it six. They called it half-a-dozen.
Many of us who grew up in Lagos know the city is renowned for its endless social gatherings now popularly called 'Owambe'. Somebody's either wedding or christening a child or 'warming a house'. Other times, its a burial or simply a party for the sake of throwing one. Whatever the reason behind hosting a party in Lagos, one thing is sure...people will turn up!
Now, people turn up for different reasons. Some come out of respect for the host, they want to identify with the host and let him or her know, they have your support. Others come because they simply can't turn down invitations. They live for dressing up and strutting their stuff with all manner of anatomically intriguing poses for photographers. I once saw a lady at one of such parties whose pose reminded me of one of the three statues that welcome you into Lagos from Ogun State. The last set of people come to your event for one reason and one reason alone. To eat. And eat, they must!
Many of the people who know me closely know I can't stand Lagos parties, weddings especially. One of the reasons for this my aversion is this aggressive hunt for food by many folks at Lagos Owambes. I attended a wedding with my Aunt some years ago in Surulere. They had graciously served everyone-as far as I could see-their main courses and many were actually still digging into their plates when the waiters started serving dessert which was in the form of 'small chops'. Just as one of the guys was about to pass a plate of 'small chops' across my Aunt and I to another guest, she smacked his wrist violently as she barked 'Did they say you shouldn't serve us' at him. Naturally, the plate fell right in front of her. I was perplexed by such aggression. After-all, it was just a plate of puff-puffs,samosa and one small piece roasted turkey.
Alas, my Aunt wasn't that bad as I would find out recently at a wedding I attended this weekend. What I saw could be best described by Matthew 11 vs 12 where the Bible talks about the kingdom of Heaven and how only the violent take it. A guest at the wedding almost ripped out the head of a waiter in the bid to secure a plate of rice and chicken. She reminded me vividly of how a mother-hen with day-old chicks charged at intruders with her feathered wings fanned out. I pitied the waiter. If only he knew, he would not have toyed with fire on that fateful Saturday.
This got me thinking. Here was a decently dressed woman who left her home that afternoon to felicitate with the wedding couple. She had thoroughly embarrassed a young man because of seven or eight spoons of rice and a piece of beef. Was it really worth the altercation? Was the hunger that life-threatening as to warrant such merciless predation? Could this imbroglio have been avoided if she had ate some food before leaving her home for the party? Food is after all, just food. In a few hours, it would be nothing more than chyme on its way down the gut en route a toilet bowl. You can't even stop it from leaving the body as feaces, so why fight dirty to acquire it?
I'm of the school of thought that you should always eat before showing up at any party. You have come on your own volition to rejoice with the host. You were not coerced so why turn into a kick boxer like the food had insulin and you were a diabetic! If by some glitch in protocol or natural error of omission, food has not reached you then that's fate telling you subtly that it wasn't meant to be. Do not force it for verily verily I tell you that it is this type of aggressive hunt that ends up giving people gastroenteritis and the subsequent needless hospital visits to come and disturb innocent under-paid and excruciatingly frustrated Lagos doctors.
If God has blessed you with enough money to feed yourself, then you do not need to declare war at Owambes because the jollof rice didn't reach you. Just take water-if that gets to your table-drink it with love for the couple and walk to your vehicle with your self-esteem intact. You can then decide to drive home to prepare a meal or enter the nearest buka and pay for your food. Do not squeeze your face like you have face pain because of rice and chicken or maltina. It simply isn't worth it!
I'd like to advice those coming to my wedding because of food. God is watching you. Eat at home before coming o! If you don't eat at my wedding, wait for seven days, there'll be someone else's own where you can try your luck. It is not a competition. It's not like you'll even remember what you ate at my wedding a fortnight later so why should I even bother myself. Lagosians don't send you. There'll be bigger weddings, soon, mine would be some oblivious event they attended many weeks ago. You can also bring your own food and drinks.
God will bless you as you come.
If you want a war, please go to Darfur in Sudan. Stay away from my occasion.
