My President Came To Church

Lagosians are constantly grumbling and groaning from perennial traffic conditions. The traffic situation seems like one of the glitches in Lagos that continues to perturb and confuse Mr Raji Fashola. He simply can't find a solution to it.

On Friday, December 14 2012, Lagos experienced what many termed 'the mother of all traffic jams'. Everywhere was chaotic. This chaos lasted late into the night as I am aware most people were still on the road on their way home from work till about midnight that Friday. The reason for this untold hardship and unequalled wickedness was because our dear President was coming to pray and to be prayed for at the Holy Ghost Congress on Lagos-Ibadan Expressway. If it was fair on well-meaning hardworking Lagosians to suffer that much simply because a Church was doing a Congress is something I'll really like clarifications on. I am a Christian too but causing that much suffering on fellow human beings is something I doubt Jesus would have smiled on. Anyway, that's a topic for another day.

Friday was not President Jonathan's first visit to the RCCG Camp grounds. He was there some time ago before his election into office as President. At the time, he was prayed for to lead Nigeria to the Promise Land. Nigeria has since dwindled in developmental milestones like a child with cerebral palsy. When I heard he was visiting again last Friday, I simply smiled. I caught a clip of his introduction to the stage for his address on television. I noticed everyone, including Mama G.O, gave a standing ovation while he was ushered to the stage. To his credit, Papa G.O remained seated as he clapped for Mr President. I then asked myself, what the applause was for exactly? Was it for being such an outstanding or exemplary leader or was it simply because Jonathan found time in his busy schedule to be present at Camp that night? Was the applause for the drastic reduction in maternal and child mortality in the two years Goodluck has been President or the total eradication of corruption by this administration or was it simply because he was the President so he sha deserved to be clapped for? I still don't have the answer and I'm still dying to be clear on this. We must not just do things. We must be able to explain our actions or inaction, as the case may be.

I'm an orthodox Christian by birth. I have however worshipped in some other Churches in the past, including the ones presided over by Pastor Adeboye. I have no personal issues with him. I have never met him and I don't know if I ever will. The closest I've ever come to him will probably remain the two editions of Open Heavens, a daily devotional he writes every year, that I bought in 2011 and at the beginning of 2012. I have a lot of respect for him but then, our elders say in Yoruba that 'the fact that you are crying does not mean you can't see'. That I respect him does not mean I worship him. He is a servant of God, not God. He remains flesh and blood like you and I therefore can be questioned. If you do not agree, then too bad. I have no apologies for my opinion. You can take my matter up in fasting and prayer.

My grouse with Papa G.O, and indeed many Nigerian Overseers, is the way he seems apolitical even in the face of the gross suffering many Nigerians have been subjected to by this administration. An administration he, by commission or omission, endorsed months before the 2011 general elections. In the Old Testament, God directed prophets to anoint the next Kings of Israel. To most people, Goodluck's kneeling and 'anointing' by Papa G.O came across as an endorsement. Again, you can choose to agree with me or not. The weak argument some voltrons have put forward is that there really wasn't much Papa could have done as he seemed to have been set up by the President and his cronies at the said 'anointing'. I beg to disagree. Who do we serve? God or man? If it is God, why should any man arm-twist another man into blessing him? To avoid getting in the bad books of the President? Please, if you have answers,let me know.

Before you quote 1st Chronicle 16 verse 22 (Touch not my anointed and do my prophets no harm) and invoke the wrath and punishment of Almighty God on me for asking really innocuous questions from your G.O, be clear in your mind that I have truly and really 'touched' or 'harmed' the Man of God. Remember a prophet called Moses? He was a vibrant prophet of God. He led the entire nation of Israel out of Egypt's captivity but at some point he struck a rock instead of speaking to it and displeased God. Who would have thought God would punish His own servant? He did! And Moses did not enter the Promised Land. Recall also a man called Jonah, sent by God Himself to Nineveh but tried to abscond. God punished this prophet by keeping him in the belly of a big fish for three days and three nights. The point is even the servants of God falter and sometimes they are reprimanded by God so stop taking analgesics for another man's headache. Focus on your own life instead of casting and binding anyone who questions your pastor.

What would have thrilled many people and would have made Friday's ordeal worthwhile would have been a situation where the servant of God succinctly showed Mr President that the Church was unhappy about the way the country was being run. Instead of coyly stating that 'sin disrupted God's plans for Nigeria', ask the President to his face how N5trillion naira went missing under his administration. Instead of reminding us in vague terms that God wants to do something new in Nigeria, ask Mr President why he chooses to remain good friends with convicts and oil thieves who have continued to swindle the good people of God year after year. Instead of praying for direction for our leaders -a prayer which has now turned to a cliche as we have been praying this same prayer since Ernest Shonekan was ruling- why don't we ask Mr President why he has remained dodgy about declaring his assets two years down the line if he indeed has nothing to hide.

Many people don't appreciate the importance of Church leaders and prophets in setting leaders straight. Recall again in the second Book of Samuel when God wanted to set King David straight. He sent Prophet Nathan to express his displeasure at David's misadventure with Bathsheba, Uriah's wife. Also recall that when Hezekiah the king was going to die, God sent his prophet Isaiah to tell him in very clear terms that his sickness was going to end in death. There are other instances where the prophets stood fearless and openly reprimanded those in authority. They did this knowing the One who sent them was greater than any king, tall or short, with a PhD or a stark illiterate.

What happened on Friday was that we lost a glorious opportunity to tell Mr President that we are displeased and angry. We are angry that our children cannot go to good schools for solid education. We are angry that every week, Lagos-Ibadan Expressway snatches the lives of Nigerians prematurely because the President's friends continue to collect mobilization fees and vanish leaving the roads as decrepit as ever. We are angry that our hospitals do not work and that our leaders jet out when they 'dash their feet against stone' for medical attention while they leave us to fry puff-puff every Friday for those needlessly snatched away by 'brief illnesses'. We had a chance to tell him we are angry and we let is slip. Instead, we gave him a rousing welcome and a standing ovation.

Alas, this is not peculiar to RCCG. Some months ago, Gbenga Daniel visited my Church and I was told the congregation clapped for him too when he was introduced. I was not in the assembly that day but I imagined all the money he stole from my home state of Ogun. Did he deserve to be clapped for or be pelted with rocks and booed out of the Church?  This is what the 21st century Nigerian Christians do. We roll out red carpets for people we should give the cold shoulder.

Goodluck Jonathan hears sermons from men like Ayo Oristejafor every seven days at the State House Chapel. Servants of God who have turned to praise-singers. He ventured into our turf on Friday and we should have taken this golden opportunity instead of becoming 'star-struck'. I also want to remind us of Reverend Peter Akinola. He isn't one of Ebele Jonathan's favourite preachers anymore since they made the mistake of allowing him preach at the State House. He stood up for what he believed in. He dropped it like he was certain and assured of the God he served. He called a spade what it was. No sugar-coats. He openly cursed the corrupt leaders so much so that they couldn't say 'Amen' to the toxicities he spewed that morning.

My President came to Church for what I had assumed was the first time in a long time on Friday and he went home just the way he came in. Our Church leaders who have the privilege of having audience with our nation leaders must take every opportunity to set them straight. That is all I ask for. Whatever creed, whatever denomination. The truth is bitter but it must be told. Especially to you the Pastor's voltron and to our disconnected leaders in government.

What happened to the days when prophets stormed into an erring King's palace and menacingly shouted 'Thus saith The Lord...'

You Look...You Sin!

'And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out'-Mark 9 v47.

A few days ago, I stopped for ice cream somewhere around my house with my girlfriend. We had walked in and placed our orders when three young females came into the creamery. One of the three wore probably the shortest and tightest 'bum-shorts' I ever saw. So scandalous were these shorts that even her friends tried belatedly to rectify her lewdness by helping her pull them down. All I could mutter was an exasperated 'Na Wah O'.

'Who do we blame for this obscenity and the natural leering that followed it?' I asked my girlfriend.

Lagos is a hard place to live in. Lagos is one of those places where everyday, a man is faced with daunting challenges that continue to buttress the Yoruba adage that translates as 'It is in a hard or difficult spot that we find(or know) a real man'. Lagos will test your resolve. Lagos can make or break your home.

The outing on that fateful night got me thinking deeply about the constant visual assault young men, single and married, have to contend with on a daily basis in a cosmopolitan city like Lagos. Everyday, on the streets, men are pushed to their breaking limits by sparsely clothed, often voluptuous women and the ultimate goal is to pass these unending tests of self-control.

Let us examine the scene at the creamery again. I totally was not prepared for what I saw that night. It would have been understandable if I had been inside a strip-club in Ikeja and saw the practically nude girls. Totally different. Then, I would have conditioned my mind that I was in the mood to see appendages and flesh. I may have even paid to go and see such. But no,this was a creamery where ice cream was sold. I entered the place with totally pious thoughts only to be confronted with the most bawdy expression of the female anatomy. I know I will be judged to be responsible for what I saw that night and I will take the blame for looking instead of simply yelling 'Get thee behind me!'. But really, is it fair to blame an innocent young virile man for the indiscretion of a silly young girl?

When I asked who was to be held responsible, I knew I was asking a rhetorical question. The blame was mine. Solely. That's what society says. I should know the difference between looking and seeing!

I cut my trips to the big malls around Lekki lately. I tried not to go near such places except it was excruciatingly necessary. I noticed the girls have become bolder and more brazen in exposing flesh and since I cherish my two eyes, I chose the option of fleeing. Many self-righteous people will say it is because I am not 'spirit-filled'. That's their opinion. I am only being objective and practical. A man who has eyes has eyes! Simple. I understand and appreciate that different men will react differently to such obscenities. Some will see and look away quickly and remind themselves of the Bible passages that say the devil has come to kill, steal and destroy. Some others will see and quickly remind themselves of something they need to sort out to distract their minds from the temptation. Some will see the tight clothing and look lustfully for a split second and allow their minds wander to something else. Others on the other hand will look and yell 'Ojigbigbijigbi' like Pa Ajasco and not allow the gluteal muscles leave their visual fields till they hit a corner. One thing is common to all of them, they all saw!

I used to derive a lot of pleasure from going to these public places where half-naked females flooded. I enjoyed watching the reaction of men who were accompanied by their spouses or girlfriends to these 'daughters of Jezebel'. You could see the pain in the eyes of some of these men. They really wished they could turn round and leer. For some, they shamefully lost the battle of self-control right there in the presence of their partners. The brain says one thing while the cervical muscles develop autonomy and turn briskly to direct their gaze at the lumps on the assailant. For some others, they can't even be bothered if their wives noticed. They just turn around and feed their eyes, after all, you only live once. Men are visual beings. I'm not asking you if you speak in tongues or cast and bind demons, stop pretending! I'm asking if there's testosterone in your blood.

One of my favourite movies of last year was Hall Pass starring Owen Wilson. Here, the Directors revealed a secret of the 21st century man. Its that concept of quickly spotting a potential hot lady,mapping the direction she's walking to and promptly turning your gaze to that direction so that she innocently 'walks into your line of vision'. The enactment in the movie was utterly hilarious. If you haven't seen that movie, I recommend it for a very hearty laugh.

How does a man 'pretend' he didn't see what just passed by him? How does he feign blindness on a shiny afternoon or in a well-lit corridor in a bid to forestall a break down of law and order with his accompanying spouse? How does he train his neck muscles so the eyes can move even with the still neck so he can feed his hungry eyes? How does a virile young man 'look' without 'seeing'?

One of my married friends says he wears sunglasses all day long. This way, his eyes can move unfettered behind the lenses without any breach of peace. He goes on to say he wears them even when he sleeps just in case he has daydreams. He wants to be entirely sure his eyes are in check.

Cobhams Asuquo is a talented young man who has shown the world that a handicap is not the same thing as a disability. His ability transcends visual acuity and his works are there as concrete proof. He married a delectable young lady last year. I am occasionally tempted to envy Mr Asuquo. A huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He can't see so he can waltz through The Palms and he won't be bothered there are half-naked girls running all over the place. His wife can sleep at night, every night, knowing where her husband's eyes have been!

There's a part of Islam I have come to appreciate as I have grown. Please note that I am not in anyway asking that we all follow suit but just raising a point about decency. The creed encourages females to wear 'hijabs' and ankle length gowns. Some say this 'shackling and depressive' mode of dressing isn't a guarantee of chastity and virtue. They say some of the women are just as promiscuous once they take off these apparel. This is a very good point. However, we cannot deny the fact that they are not perceived as threats to any man's eyes in public. Do you see a lady in hijab and lick your lips? If you do, you have a new form of sexual deviation. The point is, I really don't care what they did in their private lives, in public, they are 'decent'.

I'll get a lot of stick for this satire. I know that. I also know I have spoken the minds of many young men who have been groaning under the pressure of visual assaults everyday. Don't feel bad. It is a temptation. You'll not be human if you didn't have them. My advice is don't settle your gaze on them when they come out in their worst forms. Just a glance and focus on something else. Try very hard, even though it maybe extremely difficult, not to look a second time. It is that second look that usually gets us in trouble. Remember, we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities in high places. This battle is one that will continue long into the years. Until senile glaucoma and cataracts destroy our acuity. Gird your loins!

Young man...look, but please, by all means, don't (never ever) see!

Perfecting This Macabre Dance

I have lived less than thirty years on Earth. Short, some will say but long enough to have met different kinds of people and tell black from white. When you consider the fact that Jesus only lived three years longer than I have lived and still saw -and did- all he did then thirty years could feel like a lifetime.

Nigeria has changed a lot since I completed my potty training. The first time I drove a car, petrol sold for N11 per liter. In fifteen days time, it may be dispensed at triple figures when our dear President completely removes 'fuel subsidy'. There was a song back then...

                      "....parents, listen to your children..."
                      "....they are the future of tomorrow..."
                      "....try to pay our school fees...."
                      "....and give us sound education..."

I really can't recall who performed this song but I know it was one of those songs I heard growing up. Leaders of tomorrow indeed. A lie from the pit of hell. Masters of the game of mendacity. The leaders I knew then are still controlling Nigeria today. Ibrahim Babangida, Olusegun Obasanjo, T.Y Danjuma, Muhammadu Buhari and the others. The list goes on. Thirty years down the line, I wonder what future I would lead with the choke-hold these power-drunk and insatiable men have on Nigeria's jugular.

Many of the excoriations I have had with individuals in my thirty years have resulted from my pathetic inability to pretend. It is an irredeemable flaw. I have problems hiding dissent and dislike for people, especially when I feel my intelligence is being played. If I do not like you, there's a strong chance you would know -even when I'm courteous enough not to tell you off. Thus my utter dismay at two events which I have decided to review in isolation, albeit an intended flaw of judgement, as I believe these events reflect the moral bankruptcy that current pervades my fatherland.

The first took place a few months ago in Bayelsa. A learned man in the person of Governor Seriake Dickson woke up one fine morning and thought the best way to commemorate his State's 16th Anniversary was to immortalise two icons of ignominy. The first was someone who, if not for death, should probably be standing trial at the Hague with folks like Charles Taylor. He was the brute's brute. His meticulously hand-picked Strike Force supervised and fast-tracked the 'transition to eternal glory' of anyone and everybody perceived to be a thorn in his flesh. The bespectacled dictator with a thin serpentine Hausa accent from Kano State presided over one of the darkest times in the polity and politics of Nigeria. Many pro-democracy mavericks ran off into exile at the thought of the grave bodily harm General Sani Abacha was certain to inflict on them. He ruled Nigeria like a family yogurt business. You either got in line or got in another type of line (facing a firing squad). He was remarkably corrupt at the time, though recent happenings in Nigeria have beatified him in terms of gluttony. Compared to this current administration, Sani was an I.T student in the faculty of corruption. Even him could not have fathomed the fact that this much corruption was humanly possible. How Seriake Dickson thought Sani Abacha deserved to be immortalised is a question that will befuddle Einstein himself, were he alive today.

On that same day Seriake Dickson came out in his macabre dance shoes, he also conferred sainthood on erstwhile Governor, Diepreye Alamieyeseigha. Diepreye, if you do not remember is a convicted felon who somehow served only a day of his two year term in prison in Nigeria. This is a hardened but shameless fugitive who escaped law enforcement in London by dressing up as a woman. Somebody's father. Incredible. Is it not amazing the quality of leaders we manage to produce in the most populous black nation on Earth? Who knows, if not for Diepreye's cross-dressing antics, he and James would probably be playing 'cashie' now in prison in London. He got away with it thanks to Nigeria and even got immortalised by a State he fleeced for six gruelling years.

More recently, a group of cretins under the aegis of All African Students Union conferred an African Leadership Award on Chief Olabode George. A documented criminal and convict. They claim the award was given following an endorsement of the recipient by the National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS). The same Nigerian students who we say are getting shoddy education in the relics called universities across the country because the government has starved the educational sector. The decay in the sector has certainly now reached its pinnacle as evidenced by this obvious blunting of the minds of these misguided Nigerian students. When the young 'leaders of tomorrow' begin to shower accolades by way of awards on ex-convicts then you should be tempted to take sides with the perennial cynics who believe the worst of Nigeria is yet to come.

The three men eulogised by Nigerians are from three different geopolitical zones. Each as nefarious as the next in disbursing pain and suffering on their own people. We have shown the world now that we totally lack any moral conscience. I wonder what Mr Dickson will tell his son Abacha and Alamieyeseigha did for Nigeria and Bayelsa that earned them these accolades, that of course is in the hope that the boy will not be as mentally stunted as his father. What do we celebrate as a people? What do we hold in high regard? Public good or gross larceny? When we turn our backs on the Achebes, the Soyinkas, the Tam Wests and the Fawehimis who devote their entire lives to telling us the truth we are now so allergic and averse to. What message are we sending to our kids and the outside world? What do we praise?

Nigeria is where it is today because of Nigerians and our insistence on perfecting this macabre dance of ours. Year in, year out, we do the same thing and expect a different result. What some define as insanity.

The music is still playing so we dance on. We forget very quickly. At some point, the music will stop and we will keep dancing. In our minds, this dance is all we know. It is all we have ever known so we can't even tell when there's anything to dance to. The dance will not stop till the dance floor splits and the roof of the disco crumbles in. An implosion. 

Ojukwu's Estate: The Aftermath

Chief Odumegwu Ojukwu passed away just over a year ago. His will, however, was only read yesterday in the Enugu. The wrangling and conspiracy theories that trailed the will and its content strongly reminded me of Nollywood and its hopelessly inane 'home videos'.

I like men like Chief Ojukwu. They lived their adult lives shrouded in controversy. Even in death, they still manage to grab headlines by confusing many. In his grave, Ojukwu remains an enigma to many and this was aptly reflected by the content of his will.

 

The high points for me were the sudden appearance of a 'secret' daughter who is Hausa, the disowning of one of his sons called Sylvester and the emergence of his widow, the delectable Bianca as the biggest beneficiary of Ikemba's estate. In all, Ikemba claims he sired eight children and categorically stated that no other person be considered his offspring apart from those he mentioned.

 

Ikemba's Hausa daughter was the 'rabbit out of the hat'. She was probably the only aspect of Friday that nobody saw coming. It also got me thinking about Nigeria and Nigerian men. Bianca claims her late husband never mentioned having a daughter before he died. Ironically, she is listed first among all his offspring and is actually said to be his first child. Tenny Haman is said to be older than Emeka Ojukwu Jnr but interestingly born by a Northerner. I assume Ikemba met her mother as a young man and sowed this seed quietly many years ago. Why he remained secretive about it we will never know now, since he has now returned to meet his ancestors. Ikemba's adventure may seem unusual to many people. To me, there are many more of such today in this country. Men with children outside their marriages who their spouses will never know about till the husband's will is read after his demise. Some think it is cowardly of a man to reveal his indiscretion only after his death. They argue that a real man should be man enough to face his spouse with the truth while he is alive. Why wait till you are dead when you can't tell your wife to her face that you haven't been as honest as you should have been? For another school of thought, it is a mark of respect. Respect for the woman he was married to during his life. If a man understands his wife does not handle such things very well and she's happy in her not-knowing, the home is working and life is good, why divulge such weighty information? Its easy to quickly judge the man as being dishonest, after all, openness and honesty are the pillars of a good marriage but can women actually handle this openness they seek? If a man believes his actions would hurt his wife gravely and betray her trust in him, do we vilify him for holding her in such regard?

 

Ikemba also disowned Mr Sylvester Ojukwu. He was not gracious enough to tell his family members why he did that. This also got me thinking. Why wait till after death to tell Sylvester he's not your child? Ikemba struck me as a fearless man. There's a popular Yoruba adage that says only a mother knows the real father of her child. Was Ikemba privy to some information about his supposed son while he was alive? There are two things here in my view. The first is if Ojukwu always knew he was not the biological father but continued training Sylvester, which would be noble in my view. The second is if Sylvester is indeed a biological scion but probably had a fall-out with his late father that continued till death or at least to the last revision of the will. If the latter is true, then I think Ojukwu may have gone overboard with his pronouncement. While I believe he totally reserves the right to decide who inherits what, I do not believe proclaiming a supposed son a 'bastard' is the way to go. I'm not saying he should have willed any part of his estate to Sylvester, I am saying he could have simply said 'to my son Sylvester Ojukwu,I leave no part of my estate' rather than totally expunging him as an offspring. That must really hurt.

 

I have my reservations for some aspects of the African tradition. I do not appreciate leaving a widow to suffer while her husband's relatives squander the 'spoils of war'. This is why I am happy for Bianca that her late husband was smart enough to prepare a functional and viable will. It is no longer news that she was undoubtedly the biggest beneficiary of Ojukwu's estate. In an African setting where the late husband had adult sons, it would have been pretty difficult flexing muscles with them for a chunk of their father's estate, especially since she is a step-mother. Ikemba has saved her a lot of stress no doubt. Already, there are rumours that the family smell a rat with the sizable chunk Bianca inherited. They say they may contest the will in the court of law. Money, the Bible says, is the root of all evil. I suspect the members of Ojukwu's family may soon learn this first hand. While I'm glad Bianca won't be left empty-handed, I think her public display of 'victory' as if it were some boxing match with Ojukwu's older children isn't very nice. She's now an Ambassador to Spain, under this current administration, such an appointment is likely to assure you of a secure future at old age.

 

Ojukwu's will has shown even the Ojukwus that blood may not be as thick as water after all. Ojukwu's family and their haggling isn't entirely strange. Family members are related till money creeps into the picture. I know of many Nigerian families, directly and remotely, that have been torn apart following the demise of the head of that family. Human greed transcends blood and African extended families show their real colours at such times. Unfortunately, polygamy worsens the outlook in Nigeria. The children grow up competing for everything with their step-siblings including their parents' estate.

 

Life is more than material wealth. We must remind ourselves everyday that we brought nothing to this life and we will take nothing. Bianca has inherited many things. If, God forbids, something happened to her tomorrow, all the wrangling won't count for anything.

 

May God help us.