Nigeria's Health; Nigeria's Wealth

Just as I was gathering my final thoughts about what to write tonight, I inadvertently stumbled on some really jolting news. I read a few minutes ago that a friend and colleague slumped and died yesterday. Just a day before his birthday. A young man in his mid-thirties with a young family and his entire life seemingly ahead of him. This, in the same week I read of the demise of another colleague who I undertook my national service with a few years ago. I have only fond memories of these two learned colleagues, especially because of their jovial disposition to many things. Now, all I remember are their smile-lit faces.

It is quite likely that many people can relate to this phenomenon. You probably knew, directly or remotely, a seemingly healthy young person who dropped and died suddenly. The World Health Organisation describes this as Sudden Death (SD) – where an unexpected change in a person’s hitherto stable clinical condition results in death. Nigeria’s demographics, where there is a rapidly growing youthful population, presents ready fodder for this rampaging phenomenon. More and more young people, like my two colleagues, will leave home every morning totally oblivious of the fact that they would not walk through that door ever again. That is what Sudden Death does. It robs people of final goodbyes and chances to make amends or set records straight. Robbery, day light and even at night during sleep.

Often, ailments that affect the heart are the root causes of Sudden Death. So significant is their contribution to the total number of deaths that a second phenomenon, termed Sudden Cardiac Death, was coined. Globally, heart-related diseases are the biggest sudden killers but their impact is particularly pronounced in emerging economies like Nigeria, where they account for 8 in every 10 deaths recorded world-wide. The spectrum of these illnesses comprises of hypertension, myocardial infarction (heart attack), cerebrovascular disease (stroke) and diabetes.

Hypertension infamously earned the title ‘Silent Killer’ and it has stayed true to this appellation. It is a totally symptomless pathology that quietly and steadily wrecks havoc on its sufferer till death ensues. And indeed, more than half of people afflicted with hypertension do not know. Diagnosis is almost always incidental. Like the popular saying among Nigerian law enforcement agents, ignorance is not an excuse and it is this ignorance that remains the strongest weapon of the disease. It wields so much power and potency simply because many people do not know, or are not bothered to check. When properly managed, hypertension can be non-fatal but a good first step is knowing.

It is now common knowledge that one of the key and most critical attributes of successful people, both in business and otherwise, is the value they place on their health. You see, you have to be primarily healthy to function in whatever capacity. Be it closing a multi-billion deal or executing a well-planned business strategy. A sound mind and a healthy body are basic requirements regardless of your ‘hussle’. No wonder, the World Health Organisation defines health as a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease.

It therefore behoves every upwardly mobile, ambitious and driven young person, male or female, to pay utmost attention to health matters. A good starting point is knowing your numbers. The human body is like an automobile engine. Before a major breakdown, it is likely that subtle signs of impending doom had been missed or ignored. This is where numbers are critical and it is imperative that you keep abreast with them to ensure that eventualities like Sudden Death are nipped in the bud. What are these numbers you may wonder?

ü  Blood Pressure – There are so many DIY battery-powered machines available over the counter these days that it bordering on irresponsible for one to be totally in the dark about one’s blood pressure. They are easy to operate, painless, fast and near accurate monitors that are also largely affordable. They quickly give you an idea of the resistance your heart is working against to pump blood around your body. Owning one of such digital BP monitors becomes even more important if an individual has a family history of hypertension as it is common knowledge that it is largely a hereditary disease. The best time to check would probably be in the morning before any physical exertion in a seated position, with the cuff of the monitor wrapped around the upper left arm and the machine itself at the level of the heart. A normal reading is 120/80mmHg.

ü  Body Mass Index – This is a critical number given the significant role played by obesity in the development of the aforementioned causes of sudden death. There is a saying in medical circles, that there are two phenomena that have absolutely no benefits to the human body – these are obesity and cigarette smoking. The BMI gives a quick idea of one’s physical state by correlating weight and height. A simple division of the weight by the square of one’s height grades into Normal, when between 18 and 24, Overweight when between 24 and 30 and Obese when greater than 30. It quickly tells you what the ideal weight should be for someone of your height and is an accurate predictor of complications of heart-related problems.

ü  Blood Sugar – Best done following an overnight fast, the blood sugar gives you an idea of how well your body handles sugar. Sugar is the most ubiquitous energy source for the human body and it fuels daily activities, including money making. Yes! It is therefore essential that it is regulated within a range of normal that is not too low – hypoglycaemia or too high as found in diabetes. Diabetes is a debilitating illness that affects virtually every aspect of daily living if not properly managed and it is a chief root cause of heart attacks and strokes. Again, there are simple-to-use DIY glucometers available over the counter in pharmacy shops. A normal fasting reading should range between 70 to 100g/dl.

ü  Cholesterol – This is perhaps the most technical of all the numbers given that there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ types of cholesterol. Essentially, a total cholesterol should suffice in picking out individuals at risk of heart-related issues. By slowing coalescing on the walls of blood vessels, cholesterol narrows the arteries and increases the resistance to blood flow from the heart. Remember hypertension? So the heart is in a gym basically, building its muscles till it has ‘six packs’. Unfortunately, it outgrows its own blood supply and can suddenly shut down if this lack of blood and oxygen persists. There are a number of decent laboratories in Lagos that offer the service and should be done routinely to ensure you are always on top of things.

Beyond the numbers, people who aspire for great professional and business success must inculcate certain habits that promote good health. Chief on this list would be exercise. Yes, exercise. That seemingly gruelling activity that often leaves you like you are auditioning for Emzor Paracetamol advert on TV. It is recommended that every individual partakes in a 30-minute exercise at least thrice a week. In a city like Lagos, this can be quite daunting which is why one must actively make time to exercise. The benefits accruable to virtually every organ of the human body are immense and cannot be overstated. The American College of Sports Medicine posits that exercise has significant bearing on all the aforementioned numbers – blood pressure, blood sugar, BMI and cholesterol. There are also documented research findings that support the assertion that exercise confers longevity to a certain extent. Simple and pragmatic solutions to packed schedules that do not permit exercises in Lagos include walking rather than driving, using the stairs rather than elevators, walking long distances to grab lunch during breaks and consciously parking far off to allow some walking time. In 2014, Business Insider listed regular exercises as one of the key habits most global CEOs had in common. Want to get to the top? Get up and get going!

In addition to knowing numbers and exercising regularly, young people must take particular care of their bodies. Your body must be managed and handled deftly like a business venture, giving it the right input at every point in time to get optimal function and results. Eating right is as essential as avoiding alcohol and tobacco. Adequate rest is just as essential as exercise. It is advisable to develop a well- structured regimen that incorporates all these elements to keep the body and mind in top form. That is where Earth-shattering ideas emanate from, from well-drilled anatomies and razor-sharp mentalities. So plan a daily routine that allows you take utmost care of your body and mind and watch your productivity soar like never before.

Nigeria’s most critical economic drivers are in the age range ravaged currently by the scourge of Sudden Death and its underlying causes. Besides the gargantuan costs lost to provision of health care for these morbidities, the Nigerian state loses taxable man hours – hours that could have been put to good use contributing to the nation’s GDP – to largely preventable ailments. The onus then lies on the most affected and most susceptible constituency to actively take responsibility for their health by simply stepping up.

We owe it to our fallen friends and colleagues. We owe it to Nigeria.

 

 

 

 

Parenting 101

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it - Proverbs 22 v 6.

Perhaps one of the most cogent admonitions the good book has for old, new and prospective parents. As simple and clear as this instruction is, my generation appears fixated on the path to perdition, especially concerning parenting.

Everyday I spend as Akintoye's father makes me respect my own parents even more. Parenting is a big deal and must be addressed with all the seriousness it entails. As if raising one kid was not hard enough, mine raised five! Knowing what I know now, how that did not confer a Nobel Prize is even more befuddling. As each day passes by and my son ticks the developmental milestone boxes, I learn that several very subtle and minute pieces add up to the big picture. Parenting is a collage. You are constantly bringing bits and pieces together to create a living artwork. This work will eventually reflect your thoughts, moods, personality and entire being. So consciously and otherwise, you are constantly working to ensure your piece of art turns out exceptionally brilliant.

It will help to admit that the opening passage is by no means set in stone. I attended schools with children birthed by renowned clergymen and yet, their rascality knew no bounds. As my people say 'pikin wey go die, go die'. But this must not deter us from doing our very best to ensure our scions turn out better than we did.

It is even harder to raise a kid in today's Nigeria, largely because of how worn and thin our moral fabric has become collectively. Nigerians raising their children in the U.K and the United States may beg to differ, The truth is everyone has a story but I can only opine based on my realities here in Lagos. I am worried for the emerging stream of parents. I mean the 'FIT' parents (where F stands for Facebook, I for Instagram and T for Twitter). I am worried for the 'selfies and twerking' generation of parents. If you stay on social media long enough, you ought to be worried also. Especially for the kids that will be raised by this current strain of parents. We are distinctly different from our parents, particularly in the quality and content of our thoughts.

Parenting should change you. Physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually. If you were still growing before the journey began, birthing should automatically propel you to new levels of responsibility, You simply cannot expect to remain the same. This is a basic flaw in reasoning I have observed today. A being relies on you for existence. A being watches your every move and soaks your vibes. A being is imprinted every minute by your mannerism and utterances. How do you emerge from that unchanged?

Good habits are easy to inculcate in early life. Take care of your body. Dress properly. Eat properly. Sleep properly. Exercise. Read. Pray. Let them see you do it. Television is dangerous. Books, on the other hand, will do incredible things to a child's mind and cerebration. The time to start is now. Television is even more dangerous when all you watch is Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Oh my! There are two critical reasons why you must guard your mind and sight from such inane tele-visioning. These are beside the obvious debilitating effect on mentation and I.Q. The first is the surreptitious erosion of self-esteem and self-worth. It feeds a part of your brain that makes you discontent. You are not rich enough. You are not fashionable enough. You are not sexy enough. You are not glamorous enough. You are just not enough and every episode hacks away a piece of your peace. It is disturbing the sheer number of young people who find this level of dysfunction in a single family entertaining. Now the question is, how do you raise kids who are comfortable in their own skins when your standards of good enough are based on the artificiality and shallowness of the E! Channel?

The second reason is the 'She-Dad, She-Mom' narrative. The truth is that we are eventually going to accept homosexuality. Sooner or later. It has become anachronistic to be homophobic. A study even found that homophobes may have a mental problem. Yes. We are at that point. A few years ago, we used to openly express disgust at the very thought of it. Today, we speak against it in hushed tones and the 'judge not so you are not judged' narrative holds sway. Liberal is the new cool. And the media, oh the media! If I ever doubted the power of the media, I am certainly convinced now. I do not envy the kids we will raise in this age. Should our parents have been this liberal also? Or even their own parents? Who knows, maybe we won't even be here. I know it is coming and is probably inevitable but I do not intend to speed up the process by exposing my offspring to shows where Daddy has a deep voice but wears make-up exactly like Mummy does. No, thank you.

 The other very worrying aspect of parenting today is education. Perhaps not entirely the fault of young people today as they are victims of a systemic rot. More and more 'educated' young people can't write proper English. Speaking properly is even a luxury. Lately, I have had to interact with many unemployable graduates of Nigerian universities and I shudder at the thought of them going through homework with their toddlers. Is it the generation that finds it difficult to differentiate between 'Am' and 'I am' that will teach toddlers? Or the one that consciously writes 'Oladapo' as 'Horlardhapor'? Is it not even easier to pen the former?

Another aspect I suspect we will probably falter as our parents did is that of ethnicity and tribalistic jingoism. Our parents, like theirs, failed woefully in cementing Nigeria's unity. One wonders how we allowed such distrust fester unabated since Nnamdi Azikwe, Obafemi Awolowo and Abubakar Tafawa Balewa till date. The same divisions that plagued us then still do today, even more malignantly. Many of the 'FIT' parents display worrying levels of bigotry on social media, their favorite pastime. Tribalism assumed human form pre-elections in March. Young people who have been serially raped by uninspiring leaders lunge at the other's jugular while defending the very people responsible for their economic and intellectual stagnancy. Our parents were overly tribalistic despite the high quality and rich content of their thoughts. They were better educated certainly, thus accentuating the gravity of what prevails today. At 27, my father was a thoroughbred professional with sound work ethics and insatiable ambition. I know too many 27-year olds sagging their pants in Lagos and arguing about Olamide and Don Jazzy. They are going to be parents soon.

Our mandate is clear. We are custodians of destinies. Our parents toiled and fought for us. Our mothers even endured difficult marriages. But they never stopped fighting for us. How will we shape Nigeria's, and indeed the world's, future? The answer certainly isn't on the E! channel.

Switch off the television and grab a book. It will do Junior a whole lot of good.

Jesu a ko wa mose o...

Dear Doctor...

I have contemplated doing this post for a while but haven't really had the time or drive to bring myself to do so. That changed this morning after I read Mrs Chukwuma's, the late Chaz B's wife, account of her husband's tragic end at St Nicholas Hospital.

I recently gave up clinical medicine after six years of donning the white coat. I miss being a doctor sometimes. Other times, I do not. Not because of the crappy pay or uninspiring work conditions. To be responsible for peoples' lives is a big deal for me. It was one I took quite seriously during my time in the consulting room but being an outsider now affords me the luxury of a different perspective.

My learned colleagues who are still practising medicine in Nigeria will probably not agree with me. This is a natural reaction as I imagine I probably would not have agreed also two or three years ago. I will therefore understand and even appreciate such divergent views or submissions.

I found Mrs Chukwuma's experience at St Nicholas relatable. Largely because I also had such an unsavoury experience in the same hospital about three years ago. It is an experience millions of Nigerians can also relate with. Hospitals staffed with doctors who may have lost touch with their humanity and mortality. I have worn the shoes before so I think I know what I'm talking about. Now, I see hospitals differently from the time I used to work in them. Working in hospitals and attending to patients create an aura of immortality. Is it a conscious thing? I'm not quite sure. It becomes easy to just forget you are also human when people, old and young, look at you in awe like some deity and often beg you to take action because their lives or that of their loved one depend it. So you strut around the hospital with a stethoscope hanging on your neck and you bark at patients like they are nuisances. Again, this is probably not developed on a conscious level. It is often retrospective.

Doctors must think deeply about their profession and be reminded that indeed we are all just a breath away from the grave. The doctor as well as the patients he treats with such condescension will all end up six feet under, sooner or later. Often, we are only reminded the hard way when affliction befalls either the doctor or his relatives. Then he goes around howling that he's a doctor and demands to be treated properly. He forgets very quickly that he meted out worse treatment to someone's wife, child or relative. The attitude is quite foul and rephrensible. I have worked with such vile characters in the past who totally lack compassion and often leave me wondering if truly intelligence is enough to qualify as a doctor. 

Another angle of public medical practice that worries me is the misconception of entitlement and narcissism. Doctors in the public sector constantly hold the government to ransom by downing tools and then demand to be paid for work they did not do. It is a disgusting trend that we need to sit and ponder on if we are as noble as we proclaim based on our profession. The question to be asked of these no-work-but-pay professionals is if such indulgence can be tolerated in the private sector. Can their colleagues who work in private hospitals even go on strike not to speak of going on strike and demanding the wages for the barren hours? Of course not! Like I said, my sojourn outside the hospital into the business world has exposed me to a totally different perspective on these things. Especially when you eat what you hunt as an entrepreneur or in corporate organisations where there are proper structures in place. In my opinion, taking gap years for corporate attachments in such firms may help doctors inculcate proper work ethics and a corporate culture that abhors passiveness and lousiness. 

Finally, I believe it is time to reorganise how hospitals run in Nigeria. Recently, I've had to visit an upscale hospital in Victoria Island frequently at the behest of my wife. Each time we take our son there, we are seen by medical officers who probably have less clinical experience than I do thus rendering the entire trip futile. As much as the whole exercise irks me, I play along because of what they say about hell's fury and a woman's scorn. This is the scenario in  many hospitals. Accident & Emergency units are manned by largely inexperienced doctors who often encounter patients at their most critical states. While it is important to get hands-on experience, it is also reasonable to ensure that this learning is guided and not to the detriment of patients. As it is in the public sector so it is in the private sector. It is simply unacceptable to have your weak foot in front when you ought to bring your A-game. The first-on-call should be adequately supervised by specialists/ traumatologists who are physically present during the calls and not a phone call away! It will cost more to have a sit-in A & E specialist but it will help so much. It will not only speed up the training the young doctors receive, it will also ensure they learn the proper things.

I recall an experience I had, circa 2008, manning the A & E of the hospital I started my housemanship in. Then, consults used to be addressed as 'PTOC, GTOC, MTOC or STOC' to stand for Paediatric-/Gynae-/Medical- or Surgical-Team-On-Call. Interestingly, during the call hours this 'team' on call usually comprised of just one house officer present in the hospital. He or she ran the department till morning and usually sought guidance via the telephone from more senior doctors if a case went awry. So, that night it was I and a smart UNTH-trained doctor called Victor Onyena. We were casually seated in the consulting room in the A & E of a top Army Reference hospital (the status of a teaching hospital) as not just the firsts-on-call but the onlys-on-call. A man was rushed in, he had been shot in the chest at a barracks around Ojo and he was referred to us, two neophytes, in the middle of the night. I had started sweating profusely and turned to Victor for reassurance. Victor looked confident! He was up in a flash and I was about to breath easy when he whispered to me 'Oboy, wetin we go do?'. My goodness! So, we got to work and toiled all night exchanging ideas on management of circulatory shock till we were able to refer the patient to a cardiothoracic surgeon. We were lucky. Another day, another time, the man would have died on our hands. But, luck is simply not good enough! We must institute a system where specialists are available around the clock to guide young doctors in training. We gain more overall in patient outcome and human capital development.

Nigerian hospitals are miles away from utopia I agree. But a good first step is to address the most basic things. The doctors manning these hospitals should be assessed on not just intelligence but also on their humanity and compassion. You need a healthy dose of such especially in a land like Nigeria. They need to develop the right attitude to work for the greater good of the society. They have to exorcise the 'Nigerian' in them. Our systems must also change. If we place a premium on the sanctity of human life then we should staff our most critical entry points with our best and only the best. The fledgling certainly have to receive training but this should not leave a trail of blood, sorrow and tears. 

Dear doctor, remember things can change very quickly. Today's doctor can be tomorrow's patient. Expect to be managed the same way you managed others on your worst day. Because even the good book admonishes us to love our neighbours as ourselves and to do unto others as we would want to be done to. 

Oro abo la nso fun omoluabi....

Memoirs Ilu-Oyinbo

Living in a new city can be daunting. Even for someone who spent a considerable part of his early adulthood in medical school in Port Harcourt, which at the time seemed as far from Lagos as Mars was from Earth. I didn't think it would be so hard to just get up and go given the nomadic nature of my tertiary education. I experienced many things those days. From sleeping seated upright overnight in a luxurious bus in a forest somewhere in Orlu, Imo State -because of armed highway bandits, to sleeping on Lagos-Ibadan Expressway because a group of Christians had gathered for monthly worship and fervent prayers. I had seen it all; or so I assumed anyway.

 Last year I had to leave my beloved Lagos to study in London and the culture shock I experienced was quite 'challenging'. Looking back now as my time here winds down, I could not resist sharing some of the things responsible for my seeming 'distress' in the Queen's land.

Well-groomed animals - This country messes with your psyche. Especially if you are originally from a land where there is perennial darkness, dysfunctional danfos and LASTMA goons hounding you on the road. When you are from a country where being human is hazardous, the grooming and attention given to animals in this country, dogs especially, will test your faith in God. The Bible says God made all the birds of the air and animals of the ground before he made man and then rested. The dichotomy between the two lands makes you wonder if truly Nigerians were not made during the night between the second and third day of creation.

They have beauty parlors for the dogs here. There's an organization called the RSPCA and every waking morning young men and women dress up and drive out to rescue dogs, cats and all such animals in distress. They have veterinary hospitals for these dogs that make General Hospitals in Lagos look like Agege abattoirs. There are even dedicated functional ambulances waiting to transport any such animal that may be distressed to other 'specialist' centers for more intensive care. If as a 'common' Nigerian who has experienced real suffering, you see all these and you do not occasionally find yourself practicing how to bark when you are alone in the bathroom then you're the kind of man who can fry dodo without putting a piece in your mouth till you finish frying. Your contentment has to be legendary!

The funny thing is they have several shows on prime-time British television where they are either looking for a home for a lost or abandoned dog or the are performing surgery on a sparrow that fractured its wing. Interestingly, during the commercial breaks, the first advert aired is one from Save-The-Children showing a marasmic African child and they beg you to 'text Child to 333 to donate £1 a month'. This is just after they had sedated a sparrow with anaesthetic gas o!I watched one sometime ago, it featured a troubled dog and to relax it, they invited a specialist in aromatherapy to use different scents to relax the canine as part of behavioral treatment. I know it's their money after all but maybe they should just not bother showing African children drinking water from murky streams in need of aid and REAL help. Based on the quality of life of animals here, a simple extrapolation shows clearly that the life expectancy of dogs greatly surpasses that of adult men in Africa.

They don't stop there. Every other week at bus-stops, these great people put up 'Have you seen my cat?' and 'Lost Puppy' signs with contact numbers. Orisirisi. My final project supervisor told of how Caucasian students dedicated their dissertations to their dogs and he had trouble understanding why (He's of African extraction originally by the way). We may never understand it but here, dogs are important. Two things will happen if you live here long enough. Either you become a dog lover yourself or you return home everyday asking God why you're not a tetraped.

Artificial Female Precocity - This I like to term the 'Young ''Old'' Schoolgirl' phenomenon. Adam Johnson, the English Sunderland FC footballer was recently charged for engaging in sexual relations with a minor - a 16-year old. Hold that thought. One morning, I was on my way to the town centre and a young white female was walking towards me. Tall with full and flowing blonde mane, all made up and hung a very expensive-looking leather bag on her arm. She had an iPhone in one hand while a stick of cigarette was nestled between the fingers of the other hand. I thought she looked pretty good even if it was a tad too early to be smoking but I was even more impressed when she walked past me. She wore a rather enchanting fragrance. I had walked a few yards further and had actually forgotten about this female till a group of three or four females walked past me again and then I noticed they all had on the same checked skirt as the first girl I passed. She couldn't be a student I thought. Impossible! 

Like play, more and more schoolgirls walked past. They were all enrolled in the local secondary school and that footpath was the usual route to get to school. My mind keeps going back to Adam Johnson. You see how the devil works? If I had guessed twenty times, 'student' would never have come to my mind if I had place what the first girl was. I'm sorry but I was used to secondary school girls wearing kito and cortina with a beret on their heads. Beneath the beret, usually their hair was plaited and they usually carried backpacks and not leather handbags! Make-up and perfume? In which secondary school in Lagos? Any young man who randomly chats up seemingly good-looking females on the road will go to jail very quickly in this country. Better ask for a birth certificate first before you collect number. E go be like film. Ask Adam Johnson.

Congenital Gluteal Agensis - I will put it simply for those who do not speak medical. It is 'lack of nyash'. You keep hearing you never really know what you have till you lose it. You don't need to even lose it totally, just take a break from it and you will appreciate it. Nigerian women are beautiful. Take it from me. In this land, 'bottom' as the British refer to it is quite rare. You sometimes wonder if there is a ritual where all British females must be dropped hard on their backsides on concrete floors at birth. You are not quite sure if the flatness is from those toast bread machines or from electric irons. It can be quite distressing for an African who is accustomed to posteriorly aggrandized females. 

Please do not misunderstand me. It is not an absolute finding as with every human population, there will always be outliers. The implication of this for me is that, if you are a black lady living here and a 'straight' white lady topples your government and snatches your black spouse or boyfriend, then you really need to check yourself. Either you have a really repugnant character or your man has an error of refraction like astigmatism where 'straight' lines appear blurry.

Smoking - I understand that one must not underestimate the capacity of the human mind to self-destruct but certainly never to the level I have seen in this land. Every day, they run campaigns all over shouting about the deleterious effects of smoking but these British folks are a different breed. Figures suggest that over 20% of people in London were active smokers as at 2013. Every corner, every minute, in front of every other building, you would find an adult lighting one up. With the level of exposure and access to information, one wonders if it simply isn't a case of an over-indulged populace with death-wishes. A white lady I met at work was telling me about her brother who she has to care for because he had lung cancer and while I was trying to encourage her to keep doing her best for him, she whipped out a cigarette from her pocket and swiftly lit it. My mouth dried instantly.

But I don't really blame the people here. The government tries to tax tobacco companies heavily and regulate marketing and packaging but I doubt this has had any significant effect in deterring anyone. Here, you can get seriously ill and there's good health care waiting unlike Nigeria where it is 'person wey get load go carry him thing'. Maybe that is what they need here. A system that locks you out of any social welfare once you have taken up the habit of smoking. I certainly won't miss the tremendous passive smoking they have exposed me to.

Home Training - Yesterday, I was on a street and I noticed a tall black man walking briskly on the opposite side of the road. Two young boys shuffled behind him just as quickly and I could tell he was their father. Behind him. This is a distinguishing feature when compared to white families where usually, the parent is shouting at the child who is far ahead of the pack. It may not seem like much to you but I picked that 'order' of things with the black man and his sons. You could tell they were well disciplined.

There's a particular bus I get one on some afternoons that is on a school route so many young kids get on also. Being kids, they are naturally loud and playful which I understand really. What baffles me is the frequency with which these very young children swear. The 'F' word rolls off their tongues just as easily as Nigerians say 'ehen'. I find it worrying because these kids from my estimation should probably be aged between 10 and 13. They are a tad ahead of themselves in my opinion.

Kalo kalo - The British people can bet! My goodness. It is a way of life for them apparently. They take bets on everything from the 'fight of the century' to the name of the new Princess of Cambridge. Alas, betting companies in this land are such sure ventures guaranteed to deliver sound returns on investment. Gambling, like smoking, is ingrained into the DNA of the British. Only a handful are born devoid of these vices and no amount of marketing regulation can stop them. 

So you see, I really hadn't seen everything. I suspect very strongly that I will still see much more before I eventually take my leave. They have many things here but they do not have cold Orijin with grilled Crocker fish and a live-band crooning Ebenezer Obey's timeless classics. 

Eko ile!

The Number Game

A few metres away from my parents' home is a 'house' built from zinc and polythene sheets with a small opening where you can purchase Indomie quickly if you suddenly run out of stock at home. This structure houses a Northern family and each time I walk over there, I am always enthralled by the striking resemblance between kids with very marginal difference in height. Till date, I am still not entirely sure how many children there are in this makeshift 'house' but as at my last count, there were probably about a dozen. Till date also, I have only seen one woman in this place and one look at her would immediately tell you without any doubt that she sired all those kids.
Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi is now a household name in Nigeria. He is the charismatic and strikingly intelligent Emir of Kano and former Central Bank Governor. Having attended King's College Lagos and Ahmadu Bello University Zaria, 'SLS' has certainly earned his place as a guru on the subject of Nigerian Economics. In this very lovely picture (Photo Credit: Maigaskiya Photography) of his nuclear family, he is proudly surrounded by his wives and a dozen kids. As learned, cultured and travelled as the man is, he has twelve children! It's not about monarchy, be reminded that he only became Emir less than a year ago. 

The two families depicted above are two extremes that define Nigeria's demographics today. An uneducated petty trader living abjectly and a well-read financial maverick with a sizable fortune to his lineage. They may differ widely in net worth but their 'quivers' are not to be messed with. While Sanusi's three wives birthed a dozen kids as a team, my 'mallam' neighbour's one wife had singularly matched this output even with the highly improbable assumption that this is his only wife.

'Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Blessed is the man that hath his quiver full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in court' - Psalm 127 vs 3 - 5.

In the just concluded elections in Nigeria, many apologists of the outgoing government of Goodluck Jonathan adduce massive rigging in Northern Nigeria for their principal's poor showing at the polls. We watched the announcement of election results on live television as Rivers State delivered over 1.4 million votes for their 'son'. Shortly after that, Kano State posted 1.9 million votes and tongues wagged. I wondered to myself how this was even contestable given the sheer size of Kano and indeed the Northern States. We forget very quickly that even in 2011 when President Jonathan -with all the goodwill at the time- ran against Muhammadu Buhari, the latter still amassed a whooping 12 million votes across the land.

The truth is that we'll never be able to compete with the Northerners in this number game. Look at the two representative Northern families described above, in a few years time, these kids will attain the age of voting. Between two households, we have conservatively identified twenty four potential Northern votes. In the South-West, the trend is the inverse! Families are shrinking very quickly in size in these parts due to female empowerment, better girl child education, reproductive heath changes vis-a-vis family planning, harsher socioeconomic conditions and just simple social trends. It is no longer 'fashionable' to have a full quiver in these parts. You'd be looked upon as an aberrant of or deviant from the norm so we shut shop after two or three offspring. So averagely, two South-West households in a few years will present six voters against the modest twenty four already on ground in Northern Nigeria.

Except we decide to turn logic and mathematics on their heads like is routinely done in Nigerian Governor's Forum, twenty four will always be four times more than six. Now, picture this trend across a million households on either side of the divide! Yes, we simply can't compete.

I'm still not sure if this was a calculated design by way of foresight on the part of the forefathers of the North or if it is simple coincidence. Did they intentionally deny their people education and exposure to ensure they maximised the potentials of their gonads? Did they envision that one day, the numbers would count? You can't deny the almost palpable link between female empowerment/education and small family sizes. An educated and gainfully employed lady is more likely to have fewer kids within a relatively shorter obstetric career compared to her Northern illiterate counterpart, who stays home all day making Tuwo and starts child-bearing once her first period starts at thirteen and continues till menopause knocks. While this may not be ideal medically, it is what happens in reality and we must come to terms with it.

It doesn't help that the predominant religion in Northern Nigeria permits polygamy so a man can marry in multiples even with the finest education and exposure as Sanusi Lamido shows. It also doesn't help that the social and educational exposure in these parts seemingly confers higher costs of wooing. It is very unlikely, though not impossible, that a 'Mallam' will need to buy Peruvian hair and Christian Louboutins for a prospective spouse. She would probably be clad in hijab all day anyway or at least free flowing apparel that hides as much flesh as practicable so of what use is it to adorn all these luxurious elements. They simply cover the basics and old wives wholeheartedly welcome newer ones. A dandy Disney tale if you ask me.

You see, we cannot eat our cakes and have them. We will also lie on our beds however we have made them. There is a indeed a price for everything under the sun. We are more educated, we are more empowered financially and so on but our numbers will continue to dwindle and we will find that one day, elections, being entirely games of numbers, will be won even before the competition starts. It is just common sense! How do you frown at Kano that has over 4 million registered voters posting 1.9 million votes but you can rationalise Rivers State with just over 2 million registered voters posting 1.4 million? Does this agree with any remote form of logic?

Unfortunately, we can't 'unlearn' what we know now in the South-West. We will keep placing a premium on education to the highest levels for our children, male and female alike. The new Western movement that advocates that a woman must not be defined solely by her ability to bear children is also gradually taking firm roots. In the coming years, more educated women will decide to opt out of being yoked in marriages that may slow them down in maximising their intrinsic capabilities. Understandably, the literacy rate in the North is still years behind so the women there have not entirely latched on to the Chimamanda Adichie train of 'I am more than an uterus', so they are comfortable just bearing today's children and tomorrow's voters. How do we find a balance?

Please do not misunderstand me. This isn't misogyny. It is the reality we face and must face. I am an advocate of girl-child education also, even to the highest levels of educational achievement. We must however, take a step back and assess our position as a voting bloc since we cannot exactly opt out of this game of numbers called elections. If the trend continues, in a few decades, we will have an uneducated majority and a thin enlightened minority. When each class presents Presidential candidates, who do you think will win?

Dame Patience Jonathan made this assertion at one of the campaigns for her husband without fully understanding the gravity of what she posited. She said Southerners and her husband were not like the 'almajiris who dey born pikin wey dem no fit count'. Aha! You see now that some jokes do write themselves. The almajiris may not have been able to count but INEC could and did count these voters. The rest as they say is history. May 29 beckons.

As long as Northern Nigeria remains part of Nigeria, we won't match the numbers. This is probably why zoning as mentally-bankrupt as it is as a method, may be our only lifeline for competition. To persuade the North against fielding candidates based on some predetermined 'roster' so they can back other ethnicities till we are able to get education to every nook and cranny of Nigeria. This will take decades. Another alternative would have been for all the other geopolitical regions to form strategic alliances that can match these numbers. Unfortunately, ethnicity and religion will not allow us see beyond our noses so this remains unachievable. The distrust from 1970 still burns like flared gas in the Niger Delta creeks. 

The final option is to accept our fate. Maybe that's how providence designed it. After all, the Bible was clear in its advice to us about quivers. Again, sit back and think about it for a second before you label me a chauvinist. 

The numbers simply do not add up.... 

Think about it.

2015 -2019

Someone very close to me who is a direct victim of Nigeria's failures, who has been professionally stagnant for the last year and whose ultimate goal now is to escape the shores of the land has been vehemently opposed to voting for Buhari as President. To this person, he is not a Christian and since Christianity is the only acceptable religion, anything other than this must be rejected. The argument that one man will islamize Nigeria is one I find disappointing, especially when you hear it from close relatives who are educated. 

There are people in Nigeria, who would still vote for the current President even if they saw him with their own eyes doing 'number two' on their lawn at noon. They will rationalize even the most absurd and idiotic things. Why? Because, he is a Christian and because he is from a particular ethnic group. In my opinion, they are even worse and worse off than those who do it for monetary benefit. I have not come to address these ones. That will be akin to attempting to stop a goat from eating yam. 'Pikin wey go die, go die'. By all means, carry on.

Leadership is a bitter-sweet pill. It is as easy as it is as hard. About a week ago, a Tunisian museum was attacked by two terrorists who opened fire on mostly tourists and killed a few people. Later that day, I caught the Prime Minister on television, assuring his people that they were on top of the matter. A few days later, he sacked prominent security chiefs when investigations showed there were indeed lapses in security. Swift, precise and assertive action. No committees. No hearings. What this tells the world and the new security chiefs is that the government isn't joking. We will fire as required!

A few weeks ago on Facebook, I chastised Nigerian 'Christians' for the part they had played in the campaigns of calumny leading up to Saturday. I was disappointed that the current President appeared to be banking his ambition solely on divisiveness and not merit. I got a lot of stick for that. I was unhappy about the way churches were fingered everyday in bribe scandals and partisanship. I wondered why one man was allowed to take campaign to churches while the other man could not take his to mosques. What I got, was the feeling that Christians, Nigerian ones especially, had a delusion of grandeur about the supremacy of their creed. You got the vibe that they adamantly believed they were 'better' than any other and they had no apologies for this view. That is however, a matter for another day.

Since Buhari threw his hat in the ring for this election, I have heard nothing but a calculated attempt at assassinating his character. He was first too old to be President. Then, he was a fundamentalist whose ultimate plan was to institute Sharia Law in Nigeria. Then he became the sponsor of Boko Haram. Then he became an illiterate who scored F9 in Mathematics in precolonial Nigeria. Then he was sick and couldn't run around a stadium. Then he was admitted in a London Hospital. Then, he was surrounded by too many criminals and so was not worthy. Then he was an al-Qaeda sponsor or was it even the other way round. Now, he is a paedophile who married his current wife when she was 13 years old. Interesting isn't it? 

Many people say Buhari set our democracy backwards in 1983 after the Shagari coup. I beg to disagree. The real setback started in 1985. We all agree that corruption has beleaguered us since the days of our founding fathers. Under Shagari, nobody disputes that corruption assumed a new level of brazenness and 'anyhowness'. Morality had been thrown to dogs and we were on the brink. Buhari and Idiagbon understood the root cause of the problem and sincerely, maybe not popularly, tried to address it.

The root cause was the 'Nigerian mentality'. A mindset of doing things anyhow. They understood where the correction had to start from. So they forced us to queue like human beings were expected to do. They sanctioned hoarding traders and were crude in their war against indiscipline.  Perhaps, if this process had not been truncated, if civility had been ingrained into our DNA, maybe today, our anyhowness would not reached such epic proportions. 

We are at the brink yet again. We're looking up the barrel of a shotgun. The economy is stiff from rigor mortis and only awaits an official funeral. The hospitals and schools are thoroughly embalmed in the mortuary, they've been dead for a while. Unemployment thrives like a God-given natural resource and the unemployed present healthy fodder for mischief makers. The idle mind is the devil's workshop after all. Every day, you have figures hurled at you to force pseudo-progress down your throat while you still can't sleep without generators blaring.

This isn't the time for 'birthrights' my people. This is crunch time. We need to make pragmatic choices now. Sentiments have no place now. If you're not prejudiced and can engage in self-reflection then ask yourself truly how your life has fared in the last decade as a Nigerian. Answer sincerely.

How President Goodluck Jonathan himself isn't even voting for Buhari is what surprises me more. You would have thought it was a no-brainer. Yoruba ni 'iku jina s'orun' (sleep is very different from death). Let us stop, breath and start over. The excuse that saboteurs abound who constantly truncate progressive steps made by this government can't be acceptable any longer. A leader must know how to pick a functional team. Hire and fire weekly, if you must till you get it right. Excuses just can't cut it again where there are so many lives at stake.

I wish to implore you the weary and undecided voter. Not the reprobate apologist. You, who is worried that they are all the same after all. I agree with you. Maybe they are. Maybe they are not. The taste of the pudding is in the eating. You have munched on this 'kpomo' for six years and it still hasn't softened. Perhaps it is time to spit it out and try beef? Here and now is a chance for us to test the strength of our democracy by flushing out incompetence at any level and by any government. Does Buhari strike you like the type of man that will be a stooge to Bola Tinubu in office as they comically claim? Even Jonathan as innocuous as he looks defied Obasanjo after he came President and refused to be a stooge. Let us give Nigeria a lifeline at least.

Truth is whoever wins on Saturday has an arduous task ahead of him. The economy for one is in dire need of CPR. Buhari's frugality and discipline assures you that even if we are drinking garri, we would all be drinking it together. The sacrifice will be across board. It will not fall squarely on the poor  as it almost did in 2012 with fuel subsidy scam but you are sure we will cut waste which this government has promoted in the last 6 years. We will all tighten the belt!

I believe a lot of good can still come out of Nigeria. This is the reason why I am trying again at this eleventh hour to appeal to your good judgment and conscience. I am hoping I will strike the right nerve that will jolt you from your hypnosis and apathy. I am appealing to the centers in your brain that control reason and insight. Activate them! Think about it. The numbers do not simply add up and the next four years are crucial.

As a parting thought, with all you've read and seen in the news, imagine two scenarios. Each a Wednesday morning at Aso Rock Villa and the weekly Federal Executive Council meeting is on. Seated are Namadi Sambo, Femi Fani-Kayode, Gani Adams, Asari Dokubo, Doyin Okupe, Buruji Kashamu, Bode George, Diepreye Alamieyeseigha, Musuliu Obanikoro, Iyiola Omisore and James Ibori (as he would complete his sentence very soon).

The other scenario:Professor Yemi Osinbajo walks in with Buhari. He is flanked by Babatunde Fashola, Ben Akabueze, Bolaji Abdullahi, Oby Ezekwesilli, Donald Duke, Odein Ajumogobia, Kayode Fayemi, Pat Utomi, Charles Soludo and Sanusi Lamido Sanusi (if God answers my prayers and he can run the Finance Ministry as Emir). Close your eyes for a minute and imagine the content of such a discourse.

I urge you. Nothing but our best eleven should be on the field between now and 2019. If we miss it now, we may never get it right again, EVER!

Humpty Dumpty: Lee's Way.

I first heard of Lee Kuan Yew a few months ago as the campaigns in Nigeria kicked into gear. I had never heard of him before the jingle that compared President Jonathan to him. In that jingle, President Jonathan was also compared with Martin Luther King and Barack Obama and that immediately told me what type of leader Mr Yew was (and was not). It wasn't hard to deduce from the association.

I had never heard of him but I had heard of his country, Singapore. I had heard great things about the country but I never really tried to find out how the country evolved to become one of the most beautiful and prosperous nations in the world.

The Central Library at Imperial College London is a massive edifice. Six floors of wild and unfettered knowledge that will make you cringe especially if you were 'educated' at the University of Port Harcourt like me. My brother joked that at Imperial Library, the higher you went, the hotter you were. The folks on the last floor were supposedly in the realm of spirits in terms of their I.Q. My own simple explanation was that the proximity to God and Heaven, being the highest floor, probably accounted for their genius. So I thought it would be interesting to 'visit' those top floors.

The striking thing about the library, and the entire university as I would come to realise, is the number of Asian students enrolled there. Every where I turned I saw Asians. To me, anybody who looks like Jet Li or Jackie Chan is Chinese. Pardon my simple generalisation but I couldn't understand how anyone could differentiate given the striking resemblance. As I would later find out, a sizable number of the Asians in Imperial College are Singaporean. Many on scholarships from their Federal government and others from Singaporean-based companies like Singapore Airlines. The students are sent to London and other choice educational institutions around the world to learn and return promptly afterwards to their home country. 

Staying back after the degree doesn't cross their minds. It was never even an option. Their country has more millionaires per capita than any country in the world. They are not trying to get post-study visa or any of the schemes my countrymen seek to remain in the United Kingdom. At home, life expectancy in 2014 was 81 years for men and 87 years for women. At home, unemployment rate in 2012 was 2%. If na you too, you no go go house?

The next time I heard about Singapore was during a lecture some months ago. Interestingly, the same lecturer mentioned Nigeria when he was discussing 'potential'. As a matter of fact, he mentioned Nigeria over and over when he spoke of market opportunities. He attributed Singapore's success to the quality of the civil service there. The best brains worked for the civil service and their remuneration rivaled the biggest multinationals to ensure talent-retention was optimal. If you were smart and not working in the civil service then it was certainly not because you were looking for better pay. Alas, you get to appreciate why the country has state-of-the-art infrastructure and strong economic policies. Tax rates are low, good security and a well-run social welfare system for the elderly. Again you understand the reason for the high life expectancy. If na you nko? You go gree die?

I have taken time to describe this country because earlier today, she lost probably the most important man in her history. Lee Kwan Yew. His exploits are glaring for all to see and I can imagine the sadness that must have engulfed the land. He is testament to the extent of what one man with a vision can achieve. To build your country up from literally nothing to one that is now reckoned with globally. Sheikh Mohammed Al Maktoum also proves this in the United Arab Emirates. A man who knows where he is going doesn't talk. He acts.

He died today at Singapore General Hospital. Not some fancy hospital abroad. Of course, this would not have been possible if he had not addressed his country's healthcare system. Nelson Mandela died in South Africa also. As I suspect the King of Dubai will, whenever his God calls him. These leaders believe strongly that whatever is good enough for the average citizen should suffice for them also. Service.


Singapore didn't get to where she is today without some harshness from Lee Kwan Yew. You can't chew gum in public in the country. He was deemed too autocratic in some quarters but it didn't deter him because he understood how the human mind works. You won't achieve any semblance of order and progress by 'anyhowness'. Sometimes, you need some caning like Mr Yew did his citizens to get some sense into people's heads. 

In 2007, when people complained about his style of leadership, his response was ''You know, the cure for all this talk is really a good dose of incompetent government. You get that alternative and you'll never put Singapore together again: Humpty Dumpty cannot be put together again...my asset values will disappear, my apartments will be worth a fraction of what they were, my ministers' jobs will be in peril, their security will be at risk and their women will become maids in other people's countries, foreign workers. I cannot have that!''

If you're sighing and shaking your head, I assume his response strikes close home in your mind. It sounds all too familiar. Successive incompetent governments and we're on our way to restoring status quo in a few days time. He was a visionary. He saw Nigeria through the eyes of Singapore. Perhaps, Humpty Dumpty will actually never be put together again.


The lesson is clear for all of us to see. We can keep trying to explain who qualifies to be a goat and why the yam is free game. We can also decide to start whipping goats till they are allergic to yams. The choice is ours.


A true legend has passed on. His countrymen will never forget him. His story will be told to generations. They'll study him to understand living a life of purpose. A life of service. 

Those who compared President Jonathan to him have quite a sense of humor though. You have to give them that.

Sun re o Lee Kwan Yew (16/09/1923 - 23/03/2015).

We here can only dream of men like you....