The Police Is Not Your Friend

The young man on the right is Ugo Ozuah. This picture was taken on the 15th of this month at his wedding. Five days later, on the 20th of this same month, he was cut down in his prime by the same beasts we pay to secure our lives and property. Reports say he was flagging a cab when the drunk officers shot him in the chest for no apparent reason. He was shot in the chest. One of the danger zones of the human body as it houses the lungs and the heart.

Ugo is not the first Nigerian to be killed by inebriated policemen. Last year, in Delta State, three mourners at a funeral were slaughtered by alcohol-intoxicated uniformed men. Five days before Ugo's death, another drunk police corporal shot and killed a Keke Marwa rider, Dele Oroja in Lagos. Last month in Yobe State, a drunk policeman opened fire on the convoy of the Deputy Governor, luckily, nobody was killed in that attack.

If only a few have been killed, several more have been wounded by these reprobates. I personally tended to a young man in 2008 who had been shot by a trigger happy cop. The officer's story of how the shooting occurred did not match the mechanism of injury. I had never been begged that meekly and contritely by a Nigerian policeman. Fortunately, the young man survived the attack. More recently, an Anglican police Chaplain shot a tricycle rider in Lagos. That Chaplain is a free man today, at least, as at the last time I saw him last week. The impunity is astounding! Worse still, these sadistic and barbaric acts are perpetrated by the custodians of security and social justice. They've never been more insolent and irresponsible.

Like we all know, Ugo's life won't be the last to be lost to the reckless and vile men of the Nigerian police. What makes Ugo's case particularly pathetic, is the fact that he was married for just five days before the agents of doom swooped. I assume he probably cut his honeymoon short to continue the bread-winning struggle young Nigerian men now have to participate in actively. Now, he'll never know his kids...

Typically, I expect the police to cook up some cow dung-like story in a bid to justify Ugo's murder in view of rising public outcry against the dastardly act. I anticipate they'll attempt to rope the late man into some distasteful act of crime. He can't defend himself now anyway, so why not? The I.G has already said the perpetrators were not his boys. Don't be particularly shocked if another version emerges in the coming weeks.

Nigeria amazes me. The value we place on human life is excruciatingly flimsy. When those responsible for protecting the citizens from bullets are the ones aiming at them, you know for sure, that you are in a jungle. Ugo did not deserve to die the way he did. His new bride does not deserve what the Nigerian system has unleashed on her. Ugo's family does not deserve the heartache their beloved nation has dealt them. Nobody deserves to die the way people are killed in Nigeria.

Yes, we will all experience death at some point. Nigeria makes it incredibly easy by catalyzing that process. Nigeria, in fact, fast-tracks that process. There are several things lining up to snuff out the lives of Nigerians. Boko Haram, bad roads, somnolent hospitals, armed robbers, adulterated drugs, adulterated petroleum products, 'unknown' gunmen, collapsing buildings, plane crashes and significantly, trigger happy stoned policemen. All these, of course, in addition to known global human killers like disease, natural disasters and road traffic accidents. A lot of things may be difficult in my country, dying, however, is certainly not one of them.

Our members of Parliament have been debating the removal of the word 'Force' from the name of the Nigerian Police. One MP from Kaduna argues 'intelligently' that a name affects how people behave and may be why the police use force most times. This is how our legislators rationalize issues. Nigeria's decrepit state of existence shouldn't bewilder any rational being. When your legislators believe changing the name of the police is the solution to all its problems, it should not surprise you there's a general systemic failure. The Nigerian police is a reflection of that failure. Dear Legislator, its not a change in nomenclature we need. It is a systemic overhaul that's required.

Now that Ugo is dead, the question is who is next?. I assume Nigerians will take to the house of prayers and inundate God with supplications against the 'ember-months'. Na only us dey get -ember months abi? Ugo's family is mourning today. We don't know the next Nigerian family that will mourn another careless waste of human life.

We insist we are ready for change in Nigeria. We are not. We just assume we are. Revolution is never subtle. It blows like a hurricane and clears anything and everything in its path. There's no gentle hurricane as there is no gentle revolution. We need more than subjecting everyone who will handle a firearm to mental state examination by qualified psychologists and psychiatrists. We need more than reforming the Judiciary to effectively prosecute and convict erring policemen. We need more than chopping down the tree. We need to uproot its stump and then bath the site with potent herbicides. The problem is deep-rooted and we must get down to the basics. Nigeria is ill, perhaps terminally.

Impunity will continue unabated till revolution drives through the cities. Then and only then will they respect us as human beings, whose lives are worth more than poultry.

R.I.P Mr Ugo Ozuah. May your killers rot slowly from inside their anatomy till they meet painful destruction at tetanus infected guillotines. 

Rick Ross & The Wrath Of Nigerians

    There's been a lot of rambling about Rick Ross' 'Hold Me Back' video released recently after his trip to Nigeria. The artiste shot a six-minute video in the Lagos metropolis visiting slums like Makoko and some other insightful locations. Nigerians have been outraged by the manner in which the American artiste has depicted the country. Some celebrities like M.I have lambasted the man for being disrespectful and insensitive. I was thus very eager to watch the video to see how Rick Ross dissed Nigeria and Nigerians. 

    As I watched the video, I smiled because I could relate with the video. The man simply took a camera round Lagos and reported what he saw. How that has suddenly become disrespectful, I do not know. Nobody has been able to tell me exactly what he did wrong apart from the fact that they 'believe' he was arrogant and reported only the bad side of Nigeria and painted us as a poverty-stricken land. Then again I asked, when 75% of the country remain poor, is it not safe to say the country is indeed poverty-stricken?

    Someone lamely argued that Rick Ross should have featured the place he stayed while he was in Nigeria after-all he did not stay in Makoko while he was here so why do a whole video about the slums. While all our Nigerian acts (including M.I) sing about and show Ferraris, Bentleys, Nightclubs and Champagne, a foreigner has come and noticed a strange level of poverty and we are upset with him? Are we in denial or we just hate each other and have unfounded 'biff' for the American rapper?

A few weeks ago, Rick Ross was the darling of Nigerians. He featured on the remix of P-Square's 'Beautiful Onyiye' and the video went viral on YouTube. Many people fell in love with the song all over again because of Rick Ross' presence on the song and video. That video was shot on a boat in some fancy location. I'm guessing Rick Ross after seeing the 'bling-bling' P-Square flaunted and the cost of shooting the video assumed that Nigerians were very rich and comfortable people. Seeing that kind of money in action makes you assume the streets of Lagos are lined with pearls and diamonds. I can then imagine the rude shock the man got when he drove round Lagos and saw Makoko and the other places.

    We must also not forget that he did not beg to come and perform here. Nigerians invited him over and I can only imagine how much Nigerians dangled to lure the man to our malaria-infested tropics. Again, he would have believed we were sneezing out dollar bills here. The tickets to watch him perform sold for N5,000-regular and N500,000 and N1million for tables! The man could not have guessed places like Makoko existed in the same country! We gave him no such impression.

    Nigerians have said he dissed us when he can't do the same in his country. That is a lie! He shot a similar video in New Orleans many weeks before he visited Nigeria. The video is on YouTube too. It is in black and white too. The video features slums, thugs, drugs and other unwholesome parts of New Orleans. Even the lyrics of the song did not change, meaning he actually was not out to speak to us, he just let the images do the talking. The differences in both videos are simply that there were no gun-totting policemen, wandering live goats and hungry children scrambling to collect dollar bills from the rich American. Of course, the maturity of the slums in both locations cannot be compared. We are not their mate!


    It wasn't all bad though. At 2:08, he showed the world our rich cultural heirtage via the traditional dance group he featured in his flick. The man also featured our sound exploits at USA 94 with Siasia and the late Yekini. Does this show disrespect too?

    Nigeria is currently gasping for breath because of our aversion for the truth. We refuse to tell each other the truth and get irritated when foreigners are gracious enough to tell us. It is almost as if we are naturally bitter and belligerent and are quick to tell off anyone who as much as points out our flaws. Rick Ross has not insulted Nigeria. He didn't conjure the images in that video. He came here and met them here. He didn't pay anyone to feature in the video. They were not coerced. It was not staged. It was reality television at its best. It was candid camera. We must be objective and refrain from uttering statements like 'Only Nigerians have the right to abuse Nigerians' as we said when Ghanaians pointed out another bitter truth to us a few weeks back. That's illogical sentiment. 

    I presume the annoyed people are 'progressive' like their Governor. Why would Rick Ross show all that, when 'Lagos is working'. After-all, there are gardens in Marina now and the BRT buses are fast, cheap and efficient! We must stop chasing shadows. Rick Ross is not the enemy of Nigerians. Nigerians are the true enemies of Nigerians.

   By the way, the little boy at 1:15 made me laugh really really hard!

Freedom: The Greatest Gift

   'Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves' - Abraham Lincoln 1809-1865.

   December 2009 - Someone quite close to me had been incarcerated in Kirikiri Prisons Lagos for upsetting a Judge sitting at Federal High Court Ikoyi. It was supposed to be an ordinary hearing so she decided to just breeze in for the proceedings before heading to work. Alas, a few minutes later, on the orders of the Judge, she was tossed into the back of a waiting mini-Black Maria and subsequently ferried to Kirikiri. She was amazed as I was when I heard. She would go on to spend a couple of days in detention and it took high-powered pleading with the vile Judge to set her free. I drove to Kirikiri a couple of times to visit her during her incarceration and each time I arrived there, I asked 'What am I doing here?'. This person struggles everyday to live legitimately, she pays her taxes, she has never robbed or bilked anyone. The system is that rotten.

   Two days ago, Justice Ayotunde Phillips, the Chief Judge of Lagos, granted amnesty to 233 inmates of the Kirikiri Prisons. She graciously did this to mark the beginning of the 2012-2013 legal calender. During their release, she noted that most of them were still awaiting trial even after spending an incredible 12 years in prison. Amazing! How does a system keep human beings -not goats- incarcerated for 12years without trial? Twelve years is enough time to complete a first degree, a masters degree and a PhD. Twelve years is enough time to start a family and have 6kids with a 2year child-spacing regimen. Day and night for 12years, the system kept these men locked up in uncertainty. We have wasted the best parts of their youthful years. Now, we expect them to come out and suddenly develop entrepreneurial and professional skills and quietly fit into the society. 

   Those of us who know how the Nigerian Police operate, appreciate that many of those languishing across prisons in Nigeria are simply victims of a failed society. Police vans drive around the metropolis at dusk randomly picking up young men who they 'suspect' are criminals. These boys do not necessarily have to be engaging in criminal activities at the time they are abducted. They just need to be young, stern-looking, waiting on the road for whatever reason and male preferably. I once saw two young men waiting at Alagomeji bus-stop 'invited' into a nearby police van by patrol officers. From where I sat, the boys were innocuously waiting to board a commuter bus when the uniformed men accosted them with their rifles and pointed to the waiting bus. I assume they would be asked to 'bail' themselves and those who were not able to produce any appreciable amount of money were whisked away into oblivion and perdition. Twelve years later, when they are ripe for amnesty, another 'nice' Judge will come and set them free.

    On two other occasions, I have seen the Police at their ingenious best. Once while I was an undergraduate in Port Harcourt and the other time when a relative of mine was randomly picked up in Lagos for no good reason. On both occasions, it took divine intervention to get them off the hook. In Nigeria, it is your word against that of the arresting constable. If he says you are a kidnapper, you are a kidnapper. If he says you are an armed robber, best believe it, you are an armed robber. You are what the Police say you are. There's never a paucity of incriminating evidence. They just suddenly turn up. That's how the system works. My friend and my relative were booked as armed robbers and while one spent a few days at the State Criminal Investigation Department, the other got off simply by providence.

   This remains why I am always worried when the Police parade 'armed robbers' they killed during a 'grueling shoot out that lasted several hours'. Those boys are dead. They'll never be able to defend themselves. It is easy to keep live cartridges and ammunition next to a corpse. We'll never know the true story behind those killings. They will remain armed robbers! I am not saying there are no real robbers. I am asking how sure we are that those being paraded are really the criminals. Also note that when you torture a man long enough and hard enough, he will admit to almost any sin. Make your own deductions.

   Mr Betram Anwagu regained his freedom on Tuesday too. According to him, he was a petty trader at CMS Lagos. He had an altercation with a fellow trader in 2005 and the next day the Police came to round them up. Seven years later, with no trial and no fair hearing, he has regained his freedom. He was labelled an armed robber and tucked away for seven long years. We also know the story of Blessing Effiong. The 20year old girl detained for 4years for allegedly stealing a mobile phone. She will be ever grateful to Linda Ikeji who was instrumental in her release from incarceration. This reflects the value my society places on time and human life. We have no qualms with wasting seven or four years of the life of a human being.


One of the Deputy Comptrollers at Kirikiri on Tuesday, while addressing the Judge said of the 2,502 inmates of the medium prison, 2,370 were awaiting trial! Is this not alarming? Even in the deepest jungles, among the wildest animals, I doubt justice is served out this way. Again, knowing how my country works, I won't be shocked if this figure of total inmates is a rough estimate by the DCP. They have probably lost count of the number as I understand those prison-yards are small Empires lorded over by Prison wardens. Nobody really knows what goes on in there, apart from the inmates who make it out alive to tell the stories.

   During the time I visited Kirikiri, I could not miss the level of corruption that holds sway there. To see an inmate, you first bribe the mobile policemen and prison warders outside the prison grounds. We even had to 'roger' the mini-Black maria driver and his deputy. That we were stressed emotionally by the sudden incarceration of a loved one was no business of theirs. They still demanded the bribes. Then to gain entrance into the prison, you 'roger' through the small hole on the gate. You are then searched and taken to the supervising warder of that shift. In my case, it was a morbidly obese woman whose bark was as venomous as her bite. Just by looking at her, you knew you would need more than verbal persuasion to get her approval to see the inmate you came to visit. Then you 'roger' again. When she is convinced you are serious, they go and fetch the inmate in question.

    The warders even collect 'rent' from inmates who want VIP accommodation inside the prison. I have it, on good information, that they have special charges for the 3-man rooms as against the general cells where all and sundry stay. Many churches and outreaches visit this prisons on missions. They donate food items and consumables to the inmates via the warders. Whether these materials get to the inmates for their use is another question entirely. The benefactors simply drop the goods and turn their backs and leave. How they are disbursed among the inmates we will never know. We also will never know if these materials somehow find their way into the bags of the warders to be used in their homes. Don't mind my conspiracy theories, I am only asking questions that have boggled my mind for a while since December 2009.

   Justice Philips said on Tuesday that in law, it is said that 'it is better for ten guilty people to be free than for one innocent person to be unjustly incarcerated'. I pray we will someday understand the full gravity of this statement. The authorities in Netherlands announced earlier in the year that they would be closing down eight prisons for lack of criminals. Here, everyday, we populate our own prisons due to our mental laziness and our obstinate proclivity for doing everything the wrong way. 

   For those of you reading this from your phones and iPads, in the comfort of your homes and cars, you have no idea how sacrosanct the gift of freedom is. It is probably only second to good health in terms of God's gifts to mankind. While I acknowledge the fact that 'he who lives by the sword should die by the sword', I also abhor the fact that people who have steered clear of the sword still die by the sword in Nigeria. It is callous. It is sadistic. It is utterly heinous.

   If you must wish your most profound enemy any ill, do not wish him wrongful incarceration, especially in any prison in Nigeria. It is inhumane.

May God keep us all.

Made As Maids?

'The heart of man is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who can understand it?' Jeremiah 17 vs 9.

If  you never really acquiesced with this verse from the Good Book, then I think Mrs Caroline Akam's story should leave you entirely convinced of its veracity. Sometime in August, she came home and her 11 year old housemaid had not done the dishes. Impulsively and strangely, the befitting punishment for the little girl in Caroline's penal code was bathing with boiling water. The girl, fortunately, did not die from her burns. It would take more than that to kill her after the many episodes of battery she had suffered in the hands of her 'boss'.

Mrs Akam is only one of several other Nigerian women who recruit under-aged 'employees'. Traditionally, Nigeria is a country that thrives on child-labor. Almost every home has, at one time or the other, had house-girls or -boys. Sometimes, these maids are over the legal age of employment of 18. Most often, they are not. Nigeria has passed the practice of owning slaves from one generation to the next. Personally, I grew up having house-girls around. I can't even remember anytime when there was no maid living with us at home. I am sure most folks can relate with that. It was not essentially wrong, it was just African.

Poverty and illiteracy are Siamese twins. Most often than not, where one exists, the other is on the prowl somewhere in the vicinity. These two factors are blazing the trail as reasons why child labor remains an intrinsic African feature. Illiterate parents are likely, but not always, poor. Their offspring may get little or shoddy, if any, education and thus the vicious cycle of poverty continues unabated. There's a region of Nigeria particularly notorious for institutionalizing child labor as a culture. Every other week, they have their children shipped out to urban areas like Lagos, Port Harcourt and Abuja as domestic helps. Benue, Cross River and Akwa Ibom incidentally also have the highest prevalence rates of HIV/AIDS in Nigeria. Coincidence?

Modern families in Nigeria understand there will never be paucity of house-helps so long poverty remains ubiquitous in the land. Thus the reason why many of them unleash terror on these unfortunate children. There are many women like Caroline Akam who specialize in dispensing blows on other peoples' children. They are quick to smack erring children for as much as spilling water from a filled bucket. They are quick to order them to 'stoop down' or 'pick pins' or 'ride bicycle' once a piece of meat misses from the cooking pot. They are quick to send these children on compulsory dry fasts as punishment for leaving heaps of clothes or dishes unwashed. They do all these in the presence of their own biological children and then take them to Sunday School on Sundays to be brought up in the way of the Lord. 

They are children, you sick woman. They are not machines. They were not created as industrial dishwashers or washing machines by God. They are only products of a failed and failing society. Yes, they'll spill some water from a full bucket! Yes, they'll break some dishes! Yes, they'll get tired and leave some dishes unwashed promptly! That's what children do! Is that so hard to understand or you are just a sadist?

I find it extremely distasteful to subject another man's kid to things no parent would enjoy seeing his or her own biological kids subjected to. The Bible says 'Love your neighbor as yourself'. This is the ultimate commandment. In a society as religious as Nigeria, this commandment is the most flouted. If your kid will not enjoy sleeping on the kitchen tiles with a mat, it is very likely that the 11year old house-girl won't either. If your child won't enjoy eating her meal without a piece of meat or fish, then it is very likely the maid won't also. Most women would say, after-all I've paid for her services. So? That now means you should subject another human being to the most inhumane conditions?

I keenly observe couples coming to Church and outings with their kids and housemaids. Just by looking, you can spot the housemaid. Apart from the fact that she's usually the one looking sullen and subdued, she is also the one wearing rubber flip-flops and the old beat-up gown. She is usually the one with threaded weave on her head and walks behind all the biological kids. She has resigned herself to being inferior to the others. She unassumingly walks behind others. A sign that her self-esteem has been irrevocably damaged. That is what slavery does to a human being's self-esteem. 

Its bad enough that these children are subjected to such psychological condescension, women like Mrs. Akam now inflict bruises, burns and lacerations on them. Like I said, Mrs Akam is one of many. That the others have not been caught and brought to justice just shows the moral aridity that pervades this failed society. To many women, it is now a semi-conscious thing. They ask whose fault it is that the maid's parents didn't 'hussle' to be able to provide quality education and the fine things of life for their kid. Incredibly, they teach their own biological kids how to look down on 'less human beings'. The kids imbibe this repugnant attitude as they see their parents as role models and these parents do not even realize what they are doing to their own kids. Then, we'll sit and wonder why Nigeria isn't getting better and fast and pray and beg God to heal Nigeria. Jokers!

I like the Yoruba language. It has many catchy and fancy adages. Salient messages and lessons encumbered in a few words. One of my favorite says 'Ba mi na omo mi, ko de inu olomo'. This translates to 'a parent that has asked his kid to be beaten for him, does not mean it literally'. No parent wants to sire professional dishwashers or floor-sweepers. No sane parent wants to have emotionally damaged kids. No parent wants their 11year old son or daughter bathed with hot boiling water. Why not put that in mind when you are abusing these kids. Time and chance happens to us all.

UNICEF hopes that by 2016, the worst forms of child labor would be eliminated. Tall dreams, if you ask me. The Nigeria I see today will remain like this for a very long time to come. One wonders how the modern Caucasian homes get by without house-girls and house-boys. They go to work too, don't they? They have kids also, don't they? Does the average Nigerian woman do more chores than her Caucasian mate? Does the average Nigerian home generate more laundry than its Caucasian counterpart? They somehow get by without resorting to under-aged domestic helps. It is a reflection of a literally working society...(not quite synonymous with BRF's working Lagos).

Truth remains that serious countries place stiff penalties on physical child abuse. They make it hard for you to batter your own biological child not to speak of another woman's child. While I am not advocating that parents be restricted from spanking THEIR own kids when they err, I earnestly seek a law that will abolish physically brutalizing a child who has been 'sold' to an adult illegally in the first place. 

I am also asking that we as a Nation, begin to practice what we preach. Love your neighbor as yourself!

God did not make 'Maids'...He made human beings.

Along Came Mr Right

This story is told of Miss Pee. 

Growing up as a girl, she always knew what she wanted as a woman. She knew she wanted a fine young man who would love her senseless. She knew, like every other average Nigerian girl, she wanted a 'God-fearing' man. She knew she wanted a son and a daughter from whoever this Mr Right was.

So she waited. She was a pretty young girl. While growing up, suitors and predators flocked around her. She kept them all at arm's length. She swore to keep the 'flower in the garden' till she was with Mr Right.

It was tough. She was not born with a spoon, not to speak of the silver ones. It was easy to succumb 'economically' to the ostentatious advances from Lagos Big Boys. She remained unflinching in her resolve to wait for Mr Right. Trust me, there was a plethora of offers.

Finally, after many years of earnestly searching, she met and started dating Mr Right in February of 2012. She had taken her time to study him like a law textbook till she was certain she knew him. Or so she thought.

Some weeks ago, she caught Mr Right with some other lady. Apparently, she was not his Mrs Right. She would hear nothing of it. She was shattered emotionally. She was pained she had finally given up her virginity to a pseudo-Mr Right. She was crushed.

She stopped seeing him. She could tolerate a lot of things but unfaithfulness was an absolute deal breaker for her. 

The heartbreak would have been bad enough if not for the fact that she tested positive for HIV last week. She claims there's no other way she could have been exposed. She also claims she checked a few months before and she was sero-negative. She also insists she has been entirely faithful to 'Mr Right'. Apparently same cannot be said of him.

Retrospectively, she acknowledges she noticed Mr Right was always taking pills. She inquired and he insisted he was just taking 'routine immune-boosters' and multivitamins. My profession has taught me a lot about human nature, mendacity and the value of truth. 

Unfortunately for Ms Pee, life has turned on its head. She'll never understand why life should be this callous and unfair to her. She was not a 'runz girl'. She was a decent young lady who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Life will never be the same, irrespective of what the Post-Test Counselors say.

Miss Pee's story is not fiction.

The virus is still spreading and believe it or not, the women are the worst hit. Most of the newly diagnosed cases are women. You think you know someone but really, do you? Many will say Miss Pee was too ingenuous and fell too easily. Some will say she was not spiritual enough to decipher the voice of God about Mr Right. Say what you will, she remains human. Flawed by and at creation.

The ABC of prevention still holds. We only need to be responsible adults. Abstain, Be Faithful or Use Condoms. There's an option for everybody. If you are the staunch Christian or Muslim, you'll probably be in abstinence. If you are not so staunch in your creed and insist on having sex, choose a partner and be responsible enough to stick to that partner. If you are the hormone-driven-libido-firing one who the Bible describes as a 'city without a fortress', please walk to any PEPFAR clinic and obtain free condoms. There's no need pretending it is not happening. Human beings are having sex! Church or no church. Mosque or no mosque. Why don't we let them be guided appropriately instead of remaining uptight and promptly castigating anyone who mentions sex?

We must choose to responsible. Only then can we stem this raging tide.