The Land Shall Not Be Barren

     The marriage was grand in every ramification. The families left nothing to chance. It was the perfect fairy tale wedding. The parents of the couple seemed even more compatible than the bride and groom themselves. The chemistry was impeccable. His mum and her mum went shopping together for the aso-ebi and souvenirs and each could almost second guess the other's choices. Their fathers became golf buddies and hung out regularly for drinks. That was 5years ago.

     Now, they are like allergic children and pollen or fur. They cannot even sit in the same room. 

     She had been in their son's house for five 'long' years and the land had remained barren. No plants have sprouted in their son's farmland despite the seeming abundance of seed. They will have nothing more to do with her. They are rolling out the full weight of their arsenal. Her time was up in their books. They had given her enough leeway. Childlessness was alien to their lineage and they were not about to allow their son to be the first.

     Many Nigerian couples in Nigeria today have similar tales. Rosy starts slowly fizzle out into nightmares when the months pass and the periods knock every month. The impact Primary Infertility has on a couple is hard to express in the most verbose article. It is simply hell on earth. Emotionally, socially, financially, spiritually, physically and mentally, it is grueling . Traditionally, the harder hit member of the subfertile couple is the woman. In Africa, the woman is the perceived custodian of  fecundity. We make them feel like they possess both male and female gonads like holding the yam and the knife so why are there no sliced yams.

     Personally and professionally, I have interacted with couples with infertility. It is one of the most disastrous things that can happen to any couple. Besides the lurking vulturous in-laws, the woman also has to contend with a frail and failing companionship especially when the marriage is one based on aesthetics and not a sound passion for a lasting union with one's best-friend. It takes a very mature, understanding and God-fearing man, not necessarily educated, to support his wife through the ordeal of subfertility. 

     Scientifically, the woman is not solely responsible for subfertility. It is interesting to note that 40% of the time, she is while another 40% of the time, her husband is responsible. In the remaining 20%, a cause cannot be deciphered. What this means is that the man is just as culpable as the woman, even though the African culture exculpates him most of the time. In Africa, it is 105% the woman's fault usually. As far as Africans are concerned, there's no paucity of seed, thus the farmland must be lacking the nourishment required to support sprouting. We need to cut them some slack. There's no justification for stigmatizing and even ostracizing them like they were some lepers. What we should do is to encourage many more men to get over their egos and submit themselves to the medical tests required for the elucidation of the etiology of the subfertility.

     I also wish to implore couples to disclose fully their past medical and surgical histories prior to marriage. Yes, what is past is past. But you are cleaving to another human being, he or she has the right to know what is being cleaved to. I think it is incredibly unfair to fail to disclose some salient aspects of your past medical history to your intending spouse. If you have had septic terminations of pregnancies as a teenager, let him know. If you've had genital infections that significantly affected your reproductive health in the past, disclose fully. Do not give half-truths in the bid to keep the relationship. Karma is a bitch and it gatecrashes a lot! A relationship built on half-truths will eventually crumble on those same half-truths. 

     I know a wealthy, young and beautiful couple affected by subfertility. They've been everywhere both locally and internationally in search of help but so far, nothing has worked. They can afford ANY manner of treatment and will break the bank to bankroll any treatment with the slightest inkling of promise. Their net worth in Naira is in the region of at least eight zeros, if not nine. Ironically, I also know a lady separated from her no-good spouse with seven offspring. She hardly makes fifty thousand naira monthly at her place of work.

     The race is neither for swift nor the battle for the strong. If you did not believe that before, believe it now.

     Now there's reproductive technology so maybe there's hope in sight. Someday, the regular civil servant would be able to afford a cycle of IVF or ICSI. Then again, some folks argue that what the poor lost in material wealth, they gained in fecundity. Many feel the poor folks in Nigeria are particularly fertile and attribute this to different reasons. Some say, since there's usually no light at home to even watch television and the man is usually at home since he does not have a job or business meetings in Abuja or Geneva every other week (when the woman is probably ovulating) chances for conception are higher. They say copulation, by default, becomes his favorite and cheapest pastime. No be me talk am o!


God's planned for us to 'go forth into the world and multiply'. His thoughts and plans for us are of good and not of evil. Sarah's womb was dead when she conceived Issac. Medically, menopause had set in around the age of 50years, she had passed child-bearing age. She was 9oyears old! Even Hannah had her womb closed by God for a purpose! But she had Samuel at the set time. Somethings are just beyond our comprehension. It is totally appropriate to seek medical help but at the same time, don't ever lose sight of God's role in the whole process. He blesses whom he chooses and curses whom he chooses. Except the Lord builds a house, the laborer (fertility doctor) labors in vain. 

     To as many women who are in the social and emotion pain of subfertility, God is not asleep. At the set time, Heaven will open its window on your behalf. For now, be steadfast and fastidious in your supplications to God. Adopt a child if you can, it is said that adoption has a way of speeding up the process, not medically, of course. Again, unfortunately, this is a practice alien to our African culture.


Your land shall NOT be barren...

Girls Are Not Smiling

Just yesterday, I opined that my generation made me shudder. I penciled my weariness at the kind of things I see and hear in my generation and a few hours later, I stumbled on a video that not only made me laugh so hard that I cried but also made me pity this generation. Below is a link to the video. I strongly recommend you finish watching the video before you proceed just so the article makes more sense to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw3uAqT2iQE&feature=share

If this video didn't shock you then you must have been around for a while and you have seen many things. I was bewildered!

Interestingly, of the fifteen or so ladies interviewed, only 3 thought it appropriate to have just one boyfriend. While I totally appreciate it may be unfair to draw conclusions about the general female population from these fifteen girls, I must say it is not totally deviant from the true reflection of the goings at the moment.

I noticed with dread how many of the ladies called the boyfriends 'this one'. Apparently, this one is now the term of choice for magas. 'This one is for my bills'. 'This one is for my time in school'. 'This one is for my BIS'. Dear young man, are you another 'This one'? You better ask yourself sincerely.

Another amazing thing was the way one of the girls said 'I have boyfriendS I'm in LOVE with'. She must have a big heart. It can't be easy to be in love with so many people? Or could it? What exactly does this now banal term called love mean? The scary thing is that she probably tells each of them 'Baby, I love you' every other day. The Bible rightly says the hearts of (wo)men are desperately wicked. If this isn't desperate wickedness....I don't know what is. The next girl took it a step further. She said 'there's this one I really love so much'. Nna, na wah o! Are these girls for real? I can't stop laughing! God has seen and is still seeing things!

Now, how do we classify boyfriends? These ladies have proposed an apt nomenclature for us to work with.

• 'Personal Boyfriends' - These ones are the ones who are likely to consummate the relationship at the altar in front of God and in the presence of witnesses. Note that this is not a sole management position. The number of personal boyfriends can be any integer between 1 and x (x = infinity). May the best man, like Beyonce said, put a ring on it.
• 'Wassup Boyfriends' - These ones are not 'loved' as much as the former. They are the 'no-dulling' fellows. They 'control' you when they need a good time. Unfortunately, the guy has not heard his calling to open an entertainment company. He's still doing 'wassup guy' for UNILAG babes.
• 'Bills or Sugar Daddies' - alias Aristos. They don't need any introduction. They are the money bags, married or otherwise, who help the wretchedly indigent personal boyfriends keep their girlfriends happy.
• 'Class Boyfriends' - These ones can also double as wassup boyfriends if they are street-wise. They are the girls' tickets to good degrees. They have 'something upstairs' so at least school work does not suffer.

The question now is for the virile young and old men in Nigeria. Which of the classes do you belong?

I particularly had some high points in the flick. Allow me intimate you on some of them.

The lady who brazenly admitted having two boyfriends based on her location amused me. She says 'two different places...two different people...one for school and one at home'. I figure it is safe to assume men are now backpacks or nightgowns. You have one for anywhere you find yourself. Sort of what Etisalat calls Home-Zone or what MTN calls Cell Broadcast.

The other has to be the lady who says even systems have 'back-up'. This is the reason for the two young men who buffer the Sugar Daddy or is it the Sugar Daddy that's the buffer? I'm even confused myself! All I'm sure of however, is that to her, men are like external flash drives. Capacities range between 1Gigabyte and 1Terabyte, depending on the heftiness of the bank account.

Also the modes of saving the contact numbers on their phones intrigue me. How do you save the name of somebody's son as 'No Dulling' or 'Bills'? In most cases, this can even be someone's father! Interesting concept. So young men, when you scroll through the phones and see names such as 'Club', 'BIS', 'School fees', 'GTB'...e don be!

The babes also showed they are fantastic HR personnel. They know how to 'manage' people. They are proud manipulators. Notice how they admitted it was no big deal? They claim they just tell 'smart lies' and they are good to go. Men...power, pass power!

Finally, the last lady sent me tumbling to the ground with laughter. She's a virtuous one but she's also an incredible scientist. Her submission is that when a lady sleeps around, 'different spermatozoa' enter into her body thus she adds weight uncontrollably. The different spermatozoa part almost drove me mad! I doubt I've heard anything funnier this century.

These girls are Nigerians. These are people's beloved children and lovers. They did not drop from the sky and beyond the intensely hilarious rejoinders they gave, they also highlight the moral aridity in my generation in today's Nigeria.

God must help us...

Spouses And Timepieces

     This is a non-fictional tale of a boy and a girl. It would have been the 'perfect' love story but for providence. Here was a guy madly in love -or so he thought at the time- with this girl. He was selfless with her. She had no job at the time while he worked in a small firm and earned enough to get by. He was not rich but he was also not indigent. He never looked down on her and believed she was going to have her break career-wise at some point. He was supportive and tried his best to be her best-friend. In the months they were together, not once did he ask for her sex. He simply wanted her to love him as much as he did her. He remained faithful to her, not for paucity of offers from prospective 'runz' but for his delusion that love was meant to be pure and perfect. Foolish boy.

     He got an sms one evening. It was from his 'boo'. She hinted that she didn't think they had chemistry. When he prodded further, she claimed her assertion was based on the fact that she had a problem with his 'dressing'. She was done with him. He could take his love and shove it where the sun only shines at midnight. She wanted a 'fashionista', not some love-struck hopelessly faithful young man, She wanted the glitz, the lights and the red carpets. She wanted Bella Naija and Linda Ikeji features. She wanted a show-stopper! He admitted that she once told him she wanted a boyfriend who while waiting for her at the mall would make girls turn and wonder who he was and who he was waiting for. I was astounded at his revelations.

     One of my all-time classics in terms of movies has to be Matthew McConaughey's 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past'. At some point in the flick, he said and I quote 'The power of a relationship lies with who cares less'. This young man's case is a classical analogy of this line.

     So the question is, how do you pick a spouse? What do you look out for? What are deal-breakers?

     I'm a terrible sucker for timepieces. Nothing catches my fancy more than Swiss made upscale luxury wristwatches. I can spend hours just looking at the finest pieces, even though I usually can't afford most of them. How do you pick a watch? You want one that catches the attention of folks. You want one that symbolizes class and elegance. You want one people see and say 'Wow, nice watch!'.

     Do we then choose our spouses like we choose our wristwatches? Can we pick them based on how fly they look or what vibe people will have about them? Is it about public perception of the aesthetics of the person? Do we pick spouses based on how they dress or what their ideologies about life are?

     Your spouse is not and will never be an accessory. Your spouse is not a piece of jewelry. You don't pick them up and toss them when you are tired and you certainly should not pick them the way you pick watches. 

     Every fashion season, watch makers display new collection of their products. There's always a newer and finer edition of that Seiko or Rolex. Just wait. You can be assured that there'll be new technology and you'll see an edition that makes the one you currently wear feel antiquated. What this means is that you'll meet much prettier and more handsome people in the course of your life. You think she has the biggest pectus ever? Just wait. Or you think he wears the nicest clothes or drives the most expensive cars? Calm down. You go see tire!

     Do you hop on to the 'next best thing' once it runs into your visual field? I can assure you there are and there will be seemingly more classy folks. Yes nobody wants to be with someone you are not attracted to but the question is, what exactly attracts you? Clothes? Cars? Skin colour? Surnames?

    My generation scares me. The things I see and hear make me shudder. Girls say money is not everything but it is better to be unhappy inside a Mercedes than a bicycle. They have already resigned themselves to the unhappiness. They just hope its in a Mercedes. Amazing isn't it?

     By all means, don't settle for less! If your husband must wear Hermes leather accessories or Patek timepieces before you marry him, kindly go ahead. If she must wear a DDD cup size before she can be a candidate for your Mrs, please...shoot! But remember, nothing lasts for ever and one day all those things would not be enough to keep you in that relationship. Why not search the person's 'person'. Why not go beyond what you can see and dig deeper into who he or she really is. Why not ask pertinent questions to decipher his or her character and principles. What does he stand for? Who are his friends? What does she do on Friday nights and Sunday mornings? What does she do when nobody's looking. What does the name 'Jesus' mean to that fellow? 

     One of the things that perplex me today is the failure rate of marriages in my generation. The etiology is multi-faceted but I believe strongly that the erosion of values in my generation has played a significant role in this trend. We choose wrongly and end up whining when the wool over our eyes are drawn away by the harsh realities of marriage. The 'swag' burns out and we wake up to a stranger every morning. It gets better. You swore before God to remain  with that stranger till you die. Clap for yourself!

Divorce rates will continue to soar as long as we choose spouses for aesthetic reasons.

They are human beings with souls...not inanimate timepieces.

An Airplane For You Everywhere You Go

'Brand new aeromplain...Brand new aeromplain...wonderfullation of fantasticability....if you are still sitting down, you better be scratching your recharge card!'

This is the new one from our beloved network provider. They intend to give out a brand new airplane, a Cessna 180T plane in the 'mother of all promos'. 

The first day I read of the promo, I assumed it was a hoax. I erroneously assumed some mischief maker was peddling some parody about the prestigious network. Alas, I was very wrong. They are actually serious about dashing out an airplane. All you need to do is recharge every week with two hundred naira and wait. You can also fast while waiting. This one may be your portion.

Again, I'm not surprised that a network will offer to give out an airplane in Nigeria. I'm sure they have not tried it in their home country of the Republic of South Africa. I assume the citizens have a severe form of aerophobia and have a strong aversion for planes? Or they already all own private jets anyway so why bother them with a free Cessna.

They know they can't try such a promo in that country. Things work there and there are regulatory bodies who are on alert, waiting for opportunistic, manipulative and exploitative companies who insult the intelligence of their consumers. They know they will get away with the abysmal quality of service offered to Nigerians. They know they can send fat envelopes and cheques to the regulators at the NCC and get away with such disgusting service provision.


There's nothing wrong in them offering to dash out Air Force One or a Space Shuttle if they want. What I find excruciatingly offensive is that they have floated this promo at a time when their network quality is incredibly atrocious. 

Everyday, you see network users complaining about the quality of the network. Some folks wonder if 'SOS' and 'Searching Network' are now network providers. Personally, at a point, they made me believe my BlackBerry device was faulty. They even made me learn how to do a hard reset of my device without manually taking out the battery. I became that desperate. My plight is shared by many other users of this same network that intends to dash out an airplane. 

I once got a BlackBerry 'instant' message sent by a friend two days after he sent it. I have had several occasions when instant messages disappear into thin air after they are sent. I have had been stranded at different times of exigencies when my messages will just refuse to deliver to the recipients. Someone called me once and berated  me for turning off my phone when I knew I would be needed impromptu. I insisted that my phone was switched on and he repudiated the claim. I told him I was holding the phone in my hand and that it was very on. Soon after he dropped the call, I tried using my other line to call the erring network. I placed the two phones next to each other and dialed and I was told 'The *** number you have called is currently not available, please try again later'. 

Those of us who are unfortunate enough to use them as BlackBerry Internet Service Provider are now used to seeing 'Connection could not be established with the network'. We have memorized all sorts of error messages. We have days devoid of anything that remotely resembles network yet we are promptly cut off at the expiration of the subscription. It is a network that emulates the Nigerian government in the way it treats her citizens. Simply no respect whatsoever.

Before you dash out airplanes, fix your bleeding network. Have you no fear of God? How can you literally rob Peter to pay Paul? They spend billions on adverts and promos yet offer dismal service to the consumers. They are however very fortunate that they operate in a system where there's really no law. And my people say, where there is no law, there is no sin.

They will continue in their folly as they are sure Nigerians will continue in theirs. It is simply a reflection of a systemic failure. 

To those sitting down to scratch their recharge cards, all the best!

I need a lot of things right now, unfortunately, an airplane isn't one of them.

Its Don Jazzy Again

The Social Media has become a very potent tool for public awareness in Nigeria today. News spread at the speed of light once it hits Twitter. Next thing you know, a topic is trending in Nigeria. Occasionally, an event in Nigeria trends worldwide, giving you a fair idea of how big Twitter is in Nigeria now. 

Micheal 'Don Jazzy' Ajereh is the celebrity's celebrity. He probably has more followers on Twitter than any other Nigerian at the moment. A few days ago, a campaign was started to raise funds for Barrister Funmi Lawal who was recently diagnosed with a sarcoma. #SaveFunmi was trending on Twitter and BlackBerry. #SaveFunmi gathered stupendous momentum after Don Jazzy contributed a whopping two million naira to the campaign.

Don Jazzy is a talented young man and his talent has paid off immensely, he has come a long way from his days as a boy in Ajegunle. I admire the fact that Don Jazzy has remained in touch with his humble roots. Prior to his colossally classy act of kindness this weekend, he already had a reputation for being humble on Twitter. Many of his followers have benefited from his largesse. He has at different times shared gifts in cash and kind on Twitter. Another thing I admire about his benevolence is his inclination to not making a lot of noise about it. Unlike some folks, who quickly upload their ten million naira MTN cheques on Twitter, Don Jazzy tries to keep his very quiet. 

I believe his attitude and disposition have endeared him to the hearts of many Nigerians. This was brought to the fore during his brouhaha with D'Banj, most folks camped with Don Jazzy in solidarity. Don Jazzy gave out two million naira to a total stranger. He probably only heard of Funmi Lawal a few days before he gave her the money. In the same country where wickedness pervades every inch of the polity and celebrities have assumed the status of demi-gods. We have heard of celebrities who are not as nice as they appear on TV. Some are abrasive, arrogant and suffer from extreme forms of delusions of grandeur. Some on the other hand, remember that, life is but a stage. Some, like Don Jazzy, remember legacies are built by touching human lives and not by buying Ace of Spades in nightclubs.

There are pastors worth 150million dollars in Nigeria. There are politicians worth twice what that pastor is worth. There are businessmen who are wealthy enough to buy one million naira tables at music shows. Some will argue that Don Jazzy's magnanimity is a form of PR stunt. Some will argue that Don Jazzy's wealth came as a result of a corrupt society. Well, for starters, if a PR stunt will save the life of a young brilliant lawyer then PLEASE, by all means! At least we know what Dan Jazzy does. He has endorsements deals and all sort of other lucrative avenues to make money in a money-spinning industry. 

'You cannot do an act of kindness too soon, for you never know soon it will be too late' says Ralph Waldo Emerson. 

This act of kindness by Don Jazzy has beatified him in my eyes. This act of generosity will be engraved in the hearts of many especially Funmi's immediate family and her unborn children. They will know life because of Don Jazzy's humanity. He didn't have to help. Surely, he has a chord of compassion in him that was struck by Funmi's story. I'm sure he'll never read this but I prayed for him when I read of his gesture. I'm sure many other people did. They prayed that God would continue to bestow unending blessings on him and that he will never lack any good thing in health and wealth in his earthly sojourn. Don Jazzy strikes me as a mature, decent, compassionate and an extremely unassuming and humble fellow. How he fell out with D'Banj makes me wonder about Dapo's personality.

I wish to appeal to Don Jazzy to redirect his largesse by way of recharge cards and direct bank crediting of his 'broke' followers on Twitter (Funmi Lawal excluded). The real poor fellows are not on Twitter. The real indigent fellows don't own BlackBerry smartphones and iPads and are more concerned about the next meal than tweeting. The real poor folks are inside Makoko and Kuramo water front. There are a couple of Old People's Homes and Motherless Babies Homes and Hospices in Nigeria. There are poor people lying in LUTH and LASUTH who need urgent medical attention but whose friends are not on Twitter to help broadcast their plights. They don't tweet in those places. They just hope they see the next day and hunger or disease does not literally consume them.

For you to tweet at Don Jazzy to send you money or airtime, you must at least have internet access, an internet-enabled device and time to spare. If you have all three, then you are not a poor person. 

To Funmi Lawal, I wish her the very best. I pray her treatment is successful. I pray she lives to listen to many more Don Jazzy hits. I pray she never has to pass through such an ordeal ever again. 

To Don Jazzy, Heaven will surely not forget. Heaven will not forget you as you touch many more Funmi Lawals. 

To his fellow 'celebrities', this is what you should emulate. Not fights over who performs first at shows or what brand and how many bottles of champagne to pop at the next party. Don Jazzy has a big head but its still one head, not two. 

I know who I'm nominating for 'Man Of The Year'.

Today's Christless Christians

The views expressed here may appear iconoclastic. If you are one of those who have allowed their mind's eye develop myopia, I'll advice you close this article now.

If on the other hand, you are a free-thinker, feel free to proceed.

Nigeria is a largely cosmopolitan society. We are of different tribes and tongues. There are documented 250 of such ethnic groups. I suspect there are more actually. One thing however serves as a common denominator. That thing is Religion.

I stand to be corrected, but Nigerians strike me as one of the most religious people on the face of the planet today. For the purpose of this epistle, I will restrict myself to the Christians. Not that the other major creed is perfect but I'm a Christian so I can relate with our Churches.

I'm one of the firm believers in the hypothesis that Nigeria is today in such dire pathology due to the failure of our 'Churches'. Recognizing fully that we, you and I, ARE the Church makes it obvious that we are the ones who have failed. How?

Our Spiritual leaders have not particularly led by example. I will refrain from mentioning names and I will simply air my opinion. If you perceive that the characters I describe shortly sound like your Pastor then maybe he is actually the one in question. For that, I have no apologies.

Everyday since I was a child in Sunday School, I always wondered why Jesus came into the world as a carpenter's son. Everything from his birth to his death typified indigence. It befuddled me. Jesus, who we claim we serve, lived on this same Earth and was poor. Born in a manger, in the midst of herbivores, Jesus lived by example. Everything about the story of His life pointed to humility. He was unassuming. He was direct. He was compassionate. He was truthful. While I understand that He was only passing as a mortal and following his mode of daily living may be a bit difficult especially in today's Lagos, I assume we should at least strive to emulate His ways.

It thus baffles me when I read that Christian leaders are listed in Forbes magazine in view of their humongous wealth. A young man I know who works for a Pastor once described to me his shock when he took his boss to a Minister's Conference. He was amazed at the caliber of vehicles he saw parked in the lot. The Ministers certainly had good taste in automobiles and they took no prisoners while flaunting their toys. I'm not a Bible student but I believe there's a part of the Bible that infers that it will be harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven. I assume I will be told Jesus was speaking figuratively when He said this?

Our parents went to Mission schools and had fantastic education. These days, schools founded by Churches are largely beyond the reach of by the average Church members themselves. Interestingly, the Church members are not perturbed by this seeming aberration. Apparently, there are two standards of living. The man of God has paid his dues so he does not struggle for bread anymore. He now lives in opulence and he is experiencing prosperity. The average Church-goer however, is still at the stage of paying his dues. He fasts and prays for the prosperity Pastor talks about every Sunday on the pulpit. He is reminded there is a champion in his inside who must sow into Church Building Fund and some other projects to experience God's manifold benisons. They keep sowing. Some have even resigned to fate that harvest will probably be in Heaven, if somehow, it does not come in this life. We are that religious.

As followers, we have not particularly exemplified the life of Christ also. I once saw a family driving to Church on a Sunday morning. An okada rider had inadvertently crossed the car on the road and the Adam of the household rained curses on the okada man. Again, I wondered if this didn't constitute being 'provoked to anger'. I found it amusing. There he was rushing to fellowship with God and there was still enough time to use derogatory words on another mortal. Some of us go to Church to set P. Some go to Church because there are business networks to be tapped into. There's a Church on the Island where I was invited to just to come and see 'babes'. I was truly amused.

In the eight months that have passed in 2012, my admiration for the man called Tunde Bakare has grown immensely. I'm not a praise singer. I'm too cynical to even 'wash' anybody. I'm simply a rational human being. Standing for what is just and true irrespective of who is involved is a remarkable trait. Before our President was confirmed as Acting President, a cabal kept him away from the seat. People like Bakare stood up and publicly clamored for the then Vice-President to be allowed to assume office as stated in our constitution. Today, that Vice President is now President and Mr Bakare has not minced words in reprimanding him when necessary. That is exemplary. 

Evil they say thrives when good men do nothing. Let us read history, Martin Luther King was not listed on Forbes. Mahatma Gandhi was not chauffeured around in Mercedes Benz jeeps. Mother Theresa lived and died serving humanity. Even if we claim Jesus was only temporarily mortal, at least these ones were flesh and blood. 

I am not asking for my Pastors to give away all their money to charity. That will not be pragmatic. I am asking Churches to start living like they are not worshipers of material wealth. We must ask questions. When a man who becomes a Federal Minister comes for thanksgiving simply because of his political appointment, do we ask exactly what the man is thanking God for? Is it that he has 'hammered' or that he has been given an opportunity to improve his society? When this Minister starts coming to Church in Rolls Royce and Bentleys when he was driving a Peugeot 504 prior to his appointment, do we ask if Rolls Royce Phantoms now come with the new portfolio or we just help them dedicate the cars and move on?. Olabode George went to jail for corruption, he came out and a CHURCH hosted his thanksgiving service! Some arrested bank executives are deacons in some Churches as we speak and they are heavy project launchers.

A businessman in Oil and Gas gave a testimony in his Church bulletin last Sunday. He said he was thanking God that his company was not indicted in the subsidy probe. When I read it, I just laughed and shook my head. Dear Sir, the statement got me curious. First, is it that your company was involved in the scam but God somehow enabled you to escape being punished?. Secondly, if you were not involved in anyway with the subsidy scam, why exactly did you believe your company could have been indicted? Is it me or does it just sound funny?

Anyway, these are just some of the many things that continue to bemuse me about my Christian brothers. There are several others.

Christianity is and will never be relative. It is either Christ is seen in the way you live or He is not. Its not enough to block the whole of Ikorodu Road and Lagos-Ibadan Expressway once every month. It is not enough to know when and where Reinhard Bonnke is going to be holding his crusade in Nigeria. It is not enough to 'fry' your hair because Pastor does the same. It goes beyond disposing of jewelry and other worldly paraphernalia. 

Our answers lie in learning and applying what we study in our Bibles. Every man is his own Pastor. Open your eyes. Either literally or figuratively, the Bible gives an answer for everything. I have not said don't go to Church. I have said, be a Church first. Then, there'll be a point to the whole exercise.

My timeless Gandhi quote says 'I like your Christ but I do not like your Christians, because your Christians are nothing like your Christ'.

Gandhi must have known many Nigerians.

All Things Bright & Beautiful

'Women are made to be loved, not understood' said a wise man called Oscar Wilde.

Those of you who assume marriage is for the weak and frail minded, you better think again. Many men have trod the path and failed profoundly. Let's not even talk about the 'boys'.

I've never been married so my knowledge about the subject is limited. I have however read and heard of the stories of some other men who have had the privilege of being married at some point in their lives. I pray everyday that my first marriage would be my last. It sounds like a cliche, I know, but it's a very salient prayer.

There are two men whose lives and failed marriages exemplify the complexity of the institution called Marriage.

President Nelson Mandela. He's probably the greatest African leader ever. He fought and almost died to see South Africa get to where they are today. In 40years, it is reported he won 250 awards as a statesman. In 1993, three years after his release from incarceration, he was awarded the Nobel Price for Peace. He was that peaceful a man. 


But behold, marriage requires more than being a peaceful man. This same legend of a human being has divorced two wives. First was Evelyn, to whom he was married to for thirteen years. She thought he was too politically agitated and he was never around due to his revolutionary lifestyle. She was also a Jehovah's witness and how this became a deal-breaker 13years after living together still baffles me. The second sojourn into marriage for Mandela was with Winnie, the more popular of the two wives. Nelson Mandela went to prison for 27years and was constantly subjected to hard labor. He slept in an isolated cell on Robben Island for 18years and the man survived. Amazingly, this same man fled from his marriage just 2years after his release. By 1996, he had divorced Winnie.

Its not by being peaceful o! Mandela must have been a selfless man too. Going through all he did for the sake on his nation was certainly remarkable. Can we say he was not selfless in his marriage to Winnie and Evelyn?

Early this month, we heard news that Stevie Wonder had filed for divorce from his spouse of 11years. For those who do not know, Mr Stevie Wonder lost his sight shortly after birth. Mr Stevie Wonder cannot see! Mr Stevie Wonder is blind. Yet the man cites 'irreconcilable differences' as the reason why he must be freed from this union.

Behold, marriage does not need visual acuity (or the lack of it). This man could not see yet they had differences. I can't even understand how that works. How does a visually impaired man 'see' irreconcilable differences? He probably doesn't even know if she's fair or dark. He probably does not know what her parents or friends look like. He can't tell if she's spending his money prodigally. Then, he has to be extra-sharp to even cheat on her. He must have really sound and discreet buddies and 'pimps' to be able to pull off setting P as a blind man. 

Even blindness does not guarantee a happy home. And take note that it was a blind wealthy home. You will still 'see' somethings. Besides, there's a popular pidgin saying that 'them no dey tell blind man say rain dey fall...if the rain no beat am, he go hear the thunder'.

One of my all time Hollywood classics has to be 'What women want' starring Helen Hunt and Mel Gibson. It typified Oscar Wilde's submission that understanding women might not just be arduous but it could prematurely terminate a man's life. Just love them. Don't ask. Just love.

Marriage is not defined by 'all things bright and beautiful'. There will surely be dark and ugly days. Getting past those days takes more than being peaceful or being physically empowered. Getting past those days takes spiritual warfare. Warfare in the mind of each member of the couple. Warfare to resolve to make it work. It may be harder than prison and hard labor (ask Mandela) but it is possible.

You don't wish away those dark days. You take the hand of your spouse and decide if you are willing to face those gloomy days head-on.

To all my buddies saying 'I Do' in the coming months (September and October), not only are you wished 'All things bright and beautiful' but you are also wished the maturity of mind, strength of purpose and resolve to pull through those stormy days.